A Chance Occurrence in an Otherwise Normal Life
by Amtamburo
Summary: For years Jack has been trying to convince Ennis to build a life with him, but Ennis is scared to do it. Would that change if Ennis was suddenly able to hear what Jack and others around them thought when they see them together? Jack and Ennis are finally
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: It Happened One Day**

Ennis Del Mar's truck swerved slightly as he topped the hill and was hit squarely in the eyes by the rising sun. He squinted against the brightness before pulling his hat down a bit further on his forehead to block the glare and turning the truck sharply back into his own lane.

"_Damn,"_ he thought. _"At_ _this rate you'll be lucky if you make it outta Riverton, Del Mar!"_

Ennis was supposed to arrive at Pine Creek at seven. However, he had ended up getting a late start because one of the heifers on the ranch he worked on had fallen ill. The ranch foreman, Paul O'Grady, had told him that he needed to stay with her through the night and although he knew that would end up making him late for Jack, he had no choice.

Part of the night, he had paced back and forth in front of the barn doors, smoking. The other part he spent sitting in the foreman's office thinking about Jack.

Jack was a subject that he tried very hard not to think about to much during the day. At night, when he was alone in his trailer, or when he was sitting under the stars, at those times thinking about Jack was safe and he would let the rush of thoughts and memories that he had been pushing back all day come crashing over him in a myriad flow of feelings and emotions.

For twenty years, Ennis had been trying to put his thoughts and feelings into order when it came to Jack Twist. In all that time, he had never been able to come up with just the right words to describe how he felt. He knew that other people probably had words they would use to describe it, and most likely few of them were nice, but for himself, he had continued to call it "This Thing". Even in his own thoughts, he couldn't quite bring himself to voice the thought that nibbled at his mind. For some reason, even just thinking the word "Love" in relation to what he and Jack shared scared him half to death.

Most of that night was spent thinking long and hard about that very thing, and wondering what it was that Jack called "This Thing" in his mind when he thought about it.

Finally, just before five, nearly a full hour past the time that Ennis had needed to leave in order to make it to Pine Creek on time, O'Grady had showed up and relieved him. As he had been leaving, O'Grady had said, "Catcha few hours, Del Mar." letting Ennis know that he was expecting him to go home and sleep and then come back to finish his regular shift.

"_Shit!"_ Ennis thought.

He had hoped that he would not have to remind O'Grady that he had the next week off. Although he was not the one that made the decisions as far as who had what time off, O'Grady always had a fit whenever he found out that one of the hands was taking any time off. Ennis was not sure if he had the patience to listen to the man rant and rave without telling him where he could stick his job. Not today, he was to damn tired, and to damn antsy at the thought of being with Jack in just a few short hours.

Trying to stifle his irritation and nervousness, Ennis cleared his throat and said, "Won't be back t'day, got the week off".

"Whathe fuck…?"

The foreman took his hat off and threw it to the ground.

"This is a piss poor time for you ta be takin' off , Del Mar! We got three heifers due to drop this week, and 'bout ten miles a fence needn' to be fixed!"

"Maxwell a'proved the time three months ago," Ennis replied, struggling to keep his growing anger from showing in his voice.

"Fine!" O'Grady yelled, "Take the damn time. You just see that you haul yer ass back here next week! I ain't acceptn' no tales about flat tires this time, boy!"

Deciding that he had better get before O'Grady changed his mind; Ennis tipped his hat at the man and walked quickly from the barn to his truck.

Truth was, he really had had a flat tire last time.

_He had gotten a late start because of the huge row that he and Jack had had about it being November before he could get together again. They both said some really harsh and hurtful things, and then Jack had flung words at him that stung like darts, each one aimed directly at his heart. _

"_I wish I knew how to quit you!" Jack had said. _

_While his heart was still recovering, his tongue spewed out words that he didn't mean, could never mean. _

"_Then why don't you, why don't you just let me be, huh! It's cause of you, Jack, that I'm like this… I'm nothing… I'm nowhere!" _

_As soon as the words left his mouth, and he realized what he had said, he had wished desperately that he could reach out and snatch them back. "No… Jack… I didn't mean it…," his mind screamed, but the words just wouldn't come. _

_Finally, his desperation had gotten the better of him. Ennis had broken down and cried in front of another human being for perhaps the first time in his adult life. At first he was so mortified by his weakness that he had yelled at Jack to get off him when he tried to comfort him, but Jack had been insistent, and in the end Ennis had sunk into his arms and simply poured out twenty years of pent up tears, and anguish._

_Jack held him while he sobbed, whispering over and over into his ears, "It's alright, Ennis" and "Damn you, Ennis why're you doing this to me?" and punctuating each statement with little kisses to his cheeks and neck while Ennis clutched his jacket and held on for dear life. _

_As scared as he was that someone might find out about him and Jack, there was something that scared him even worse. A thought that tore his insides to shreds and made his heart and mind ache with just a fleeting passage. That was the thought of losing Jack again. The thought of the loneliness, pain, and unquenchable longing that had been his constant companion for fours long years after he and Jack parted the first time. However, this was not something that he could seem to say. Although he wished with all his heart that he could somehow tell Jack how he really felt. _

_When Ennis had finally calmed he and Jack had talked for a long time, and even though he was still unhappy about November, Jack had finally said that he understood. They had both apologized for the hurtful things they had slung at each other, though both secretly had to admit that the other, more then likely, had a point. _

_Finally, Ennis noticed that the sun had begun to set and reluctantly told Jack that he needed to get on the road. Jack had walked him to the door of his truck, but when Ennis turned to hug him, Jack had grabbed him and kissed him, hard and deep. Ennis was taken by surprise. He and Jack had almost never kissed good-bye. Hello yes, but for some reason, one they both seemed to understand without saying it, kissing good-bye seemed to make parting that much harder. _

_That proved true this time as well. For nearly an hour they simply stood next to Ennis' truck, their arms wrapped around each other and their lips parting only long enough for a few whispered, "I'll miss you's" and an occasional "November is to far away's" from Jack. Each time he whispered these things, Ennis had stopped him by kissing him. _

_Jack seemed to grip him tighter with each kiss and Ennis had found that he was unable to stop kissing Jack when his arms were so tight around him like that, and his eyes were so sad and red with barely suppressed tears. Somehow, Jack's sadness seemed great enough that Ennis couldn't bring himself to leave him; his only thought was to stay and comfort him as long as he could. After all, Jack had done no less for him. _

_Finally, Jack slowly lowered his arms and stepped away. For a moment, Ennis had almost cried again at the intense feeling of pain and loss he felt at having his arms empty once again. He shook himself and patted Jack on the shoulder. He tried to convince himself that he was saying goodbye and reassuring Jack, but deep down he had to admit that it was simply a need to touch Jack one more time. _

"_See ya in November, bud." Ennis said, before he reluctantly got into his truck and drove away. For a moment, he had almost turned back when he looked in the mirror and saw how crushed and desperate Jack looked as he watched him drive away, but he knew that if he didn't leave now he would never be able to. _

_Driving through the darkness, his mind had been anywhere but in the truck and certainly not on the road. Because of this, he hadn't seen the porcupine crossing the road and had no idea what it was he had run over when he felt the thump and the jolt as the tire on the front passenger side let go. _

_He got out and assessed the damage and cursed when he remembered that he hadn't had the money to replace his spare tire from the last time he'd had a flat. _

_Sighing, he began walking, not knowing how close he was to home. Finally after a few minutes of walking he spotted a sign "Riverton 8 miles". _

"_Not far, but far 'nough" He thought, and began trudging down the road, his head bowed. _

_The walk to Riverton had taken him until dawn. Once he had gotten a spare, he had gone to Alma and Monroe's and asked Alma Jr. if she could give him a ride back to the truck. _

_By the time he had arrived at the ranch, he was bone tired and almost two hours late. _

O'Grady had been livid.

Not wanting to repeat that, Ennis had made sure there was a spare tire in the back of the truck and vowed that he would make sure to leave in plenty of time to get home in time for work on Monday morning.

Now, he was racing along the highway as fast as he dared to push his beat up old truck and praying that Jack wouldn't be too angry with him for being late.

It was after eight when he finally reached the turn off that led to the secluded little area next to the creek where he and Jack had camped numerous times. Craning his neck, Ennis glanced around for Jack's truck.

The clearing where they always parked their trucks was empty.

"Damn!" Ennis cursed aloud as he opened the truck door and climbed out. "I damn near kill m'self to get here and he ain't even here yet… that's Jack Fuckin' Twist for ya!" He punctuated this with a chuckle and a shake of his head.

"Musta' hit traffic." He remarked to the horses in the trailer behind the truck. Shrugging, he grabbed his stuff out of the back of the truck and put it on the ground near the fire pit.

"Well… since Jack is taking his sweet time gettin' here," Ennis told the horses as he unhitched the gate on the trailer", I guess I can let you outta there."

As he stepped up onto the back of the trailer to unhitch the last latch, a bee flew into the trailer and landed on the rear flank of the horse closest to him. Suddenly the horse let out a shriek and kicked it's rear legs outward. Ennis, who was standing behind and to the right of the horse felt a shock of pain as his left temple was grazed by the horses flying hoof. He fell backwards with a yelp of pain, and landed sprawled on his back.

The last thing he remembered before everything went black was the sound of tires on the gravel to his left, the slam of a truck door, the sound of running footsteps and his name being shouted hoarsely in a voice that sounded just like Jack's.

6


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: I Can't Have Heard That**

Ennis slowly became aware of the fact that his head must have exploded. He could think of no other explanation for the blinding pain. He slowly brought his hand up and touched his head. Just touching his fingers to his left temple made he feel as though he might pass out again and he quickly lowered his hand back to his side.

Slowly, wincing at the stab of pain in his left eye, he tried to open his eyes. At first he wasn't sure where he was, the last thing he remembered was arriving at the camp site to find that Jack was not there yet.

_"What happn'd an where in the hell am I?"_

He tried to look around, but the pain that sliced through his head at the movement was so intense that he had to stop. Nausea swept over his body, and he was afraid for a moment that he would vomit. However, the sensation didn't last.

_"I'm in the tent,"_ he thought, his head clearing a bit, _"Jack must be here…'bout damn time."_

Slowly, he became aware of other things around him, the sound of the creek off to his right somewhere, the wicker of the horses on his left, and the sound of a man talking close by.

_**"Damn stupid fool!"**_ the voice stormed, _**"couldn't wait for me to get here an help him… oh no… not Ennis Del Mar… stub'en jackass… if you die on me Ennis I will nev'r fuckin' forgive you!" **_

Ennis licked his lips and smiled a bit although it hurt to do so, _"That's my Jack,"_ he thought, _"always thinkin' 'bout others"._

Licking his lips again, Ennis wondered if his voice would work. _"Only one way to find out."_ He thought. Opening his mouth he said, "Will you shutthe fuck up, Jack… I got a bitch of a headache here."

The words came out in a low croak that didn't sound like his voice at all, and the effort of speaking them caused another shot of pain to pulse through his head coupled with a slightly less intense wave of nausea.

He heard the tent zipper being yanked open, and Jack clamoring in through the opening before it was fully unzipped.

"Ennis!" Jack cried relief audible in his voice.

The sound sent another wave of pain through Ennis' skull, and he found he couldn't contain the groan that rose in his throat and escaped his lips.

"Dammit, Jack," he croaked, "shutthe hell up."

"Sorry, bud," Jack replied his voice considerably lower, "Ya been out a long time... how're you feelin'?"

Jack had brought in a dish of cold water from the stream and a rag. Dipping the rag in the water, he gently placed it on Ennis' head while he spoke. Ennis let out a little sigh, the cool water felt good against his throbbing temple.

"Like hell… that's how I feel," Ennis said, "feels like my head exploded."

Jack chuckled and said, "Nope didn't explode, but that damn horse 'bout caved in yer face."

"Yer caterwaulin' wer'nt helpn' none neither." Ennis said, bringing his hand to his face and covering his eyes, blocking the light that was making his eyes throb.

"Huh?" Jack said, confused, "I din't say anythin' til' I heard you yellin' at me to shut up."

"I heard ya plain as day, somethin' bout nev'r forgivin' me if I died."

Jack sat back, with a puzzled look on his face. _**"Did I say that out loud?" **_He thought, trying to remember if he had spoken the words.

"You sureas hell did," Ennis said, his voice taking on an edge that Jack recognized as frustration.

"Did what?"

"Said that aloud!" Ennis said his voice sharp. Raising his voice sent a shot of pain through his head and he groaned again.

"Ok, bud," Jack said his voice concerned, "you jus' get some sleep. I'll be outside if ya need anythin'"

Leaning forward, Jack very gently lifted the right edge of the cloth, and pressed his lips to Ennis' forehead, taking care not to get to close to the swollen purplish lump on his left temple.

_**"Musta kick'd him good… addled his brain from the sound of it." **_Jack thought as he started out of the tent.

"My brains'er just fine thank ya," Ennis said from behind him, "doncha go thinkin' otherwise."

"A'right, bud." Jack said, "glad to hearit."

_**"Maybe it's my brain that's addled."**_ Jack thought as he closed the tent. Inside he heard Ennis snort and say, "I coulda told you that years ago."

--------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------------------------------------

Ennis woke again to the sound of the creek gurgling. From the looks of the light filtering through the tent, he guessed that it was early morning. Although, what morning he had no idea. Outside, he could hear Jack talking.

"His brain is addled," Ennis thought, "He's talkin' to himself… either that're the horses."

For a minute he laid there and listened to what Jack was saying.

_**"You're a damn fool, Twist! Ennis Del Mar ain't never gonna change, and there ain't nothing you can say ta change that.! I don' know what you were thinkin'… this plan a yers ain't never gonna work!"**_

_"Yup,"_ Ennis thought,_ "out there talkin' to himself… stupid idiot…and he's damn right…ain't changin' for nobody!"_

Ennis moved his arms and legs a bit and turned his head. It still hurt to move, but not as bad as before. The nausea that he had felt before seemed to have gone as well.

He started to attempt to sit up, but the next words that Jack uttered brought him up short and he fell back on the sleeping bag underneath him.

_**"What in tha hell made you think that tellin' him you love him would make a differ'nce anyway? Prob'ly scare him away permanent if ya so much as utter the word in the same room with 'em." **_

Ennis felt the blood drain from his face, as he heard Jack stomping away from the camp, and a peculiar ache began in his chest. _"I can'ta heard that right. Ain't no way Jack would do a fool thing like sayin' that!"__  
_  
However, the more the thought about it, the more he thought that Jack, who was always better with words then Ennis, and much more likely to say what he was thinking, would probably do just that.

Strangely, the longer he laid there thinking about Jack's words, the stronger that ache in his chest became. For some reason, he suddenly felt like crying, but he couldn't for the life of him think why. His head still hurt but not that bad. It was this damnable ache in his chest that made the corners of his eyes prickle and his throat ache.

_"Jack loves me? No… he can't love me… we're both men fer Christ sake… but that is what he said… I heard him plain as day… said that telling me he loved me wouldn't make a difference!"_

Ennis laid there for several minutes the same thought running over and over in his mind, _"Jack loves me?"_ Oddly, though he didn't notice it at first, the more he thought it the less the words were a question and the more they became a statement, until at last something in his brain clicked into place and he whispered aloud, "Jack Twist loves me!"

As soon as the words left his lips, the pain in his chest lessened, the ache in his throat subsided, and the tears that pricked at his eyes ran silently down his cheeks.

"Jack Twist loves me!" He repeated, and a big goofy grin unlike any that Ennis Del Mar had ever issued spread across his face, and though it hurt his head to do so, he sat up and said in a loud clear voice that made the horses outside the tent snort,

"Jack Twist Loves Me!"

5


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: ****Reflections and Revelations**

Ennis sat outside by the fire waiting for Jack to return. He'd stomped off that morning and hadn't come back yet. Ennis had overheard something that he figured Jack had not meant him to hear. Ennis, however, had heard him.

_"What in tha hell made you think that tellin' him you love him would make a difference anyway?"_

Now, as he sat by the fire feeding twigs into the flames and debating whether to start supper or wait and see what Jack wanted to do when he returned, Ennis could not seem to think of anything else.

_Pretty much from the first time he had seen him, in front of Joe Aguirre's trailer, Ennis had known there was something different about the way he felt when he was around Jack Twist. At first it wasn't really anything tangible that he could put his finger on, just a restlessness that he felt in his presence.___

_The first time that he felt the fluttering of real physical attraction, he and Jack were setting up their camp at the lower allotment. Ennis turned to ask Jack a question but when he spotted him, he was unable to do anything but stare.___

_Jack was chopping wood and the muscles in his arms and chest were straining against his shirt. For several moments, Ennis had been frozen, unable to look away. His breath quickened, and his heart began to beat faster. Suddenly, he remembered that Jack was a man, and he wasn't supposed to like looking at men. Shaking himself, he tore his gaze away and felt a tug of something that felt oddly like disappointment ripple through his stomach.___

_Ennis ignored, dismissed and denied all those pesky little fluttering's and stirrings he felt when he looked at Jack as nothing more then his body adjusting to the altitude. Each time Jack rode into camp for breakfast or dinner, he told himself that the bubble of happiness that spread through him was nothing more then being glad for the company, and he would have felt that way if anyone had ridden into camp at that moment. It didn't mean a thing that Ennis found himself talking more then he ever had in his life, and finding himself searching for things to say in order to hear Jack's voice.___

_Obviously he wasn't gazing up at the mountain in hopes of spotting Jack among the sheep moving about up there. That fluttery almost giddy feeling he felt whenever Jack looked at him with those damnable blue eyes of his… that was simply too much whiskey… wasn't it. The reason why he felt reluctant to leave and go back up to the sheep and stayed later each evening… well it was cold up there, and the heat he felt down at the camp… that was only the fire and had nothing to do with the way Jack's face looked when the firelight played across it.___

_Of course, the fact that he kept waking up during the night and almost every morning, after a restless night of dreams… that was normal right. That each of these awakenings found him sweating and breathing hard, his pulse racing and a painful erection straining his jeans, well he was nineteen after all.___

_It meant nothing that pictures of Jack continued to course through his sleeping mind even after he woke up… Jack chopping wood, stretched out next to the fire, walking around with his shirt off, smiling at Ennis from under his black hat, his blue eyes shining and seeming to send a message to Ennis that he couldn't quite grasp, all that had nothing to do with his arousal at all.___

_Never mind that more and more often those pictures in his mind had become ones of he and Jack kissing and touching each other… well that was just the stirrings of a nineteen-year-old boy who had no sexual experience… never mind that sometimes when Jack looked at him he felt a surge of something that made his heart flop and his groin tighten... all that meant nothing…right… of course.___

_If anyone was to ask Ennis how he and Jack's friendship had changed to a sexual one, he honestly would not have been able to tell them… he wasn't sure himself how it had happened. He had crawled into the tent that night with every inch of his body nearly frozen. When Jack had taken his hand and placed it on the hot and swollen bulge in his pants, Ennis had initially thought it was an extension of the dream he had been having.___

_When he realized that the Jack who was caressing himself with Ennis' hand was not the Jack in his dream, Ennis had been so surprised that he had done the only thing his brain could register to do… he jumped away. Jack had been relentless, but Ennis, though his heart was not really in it, felt that he should fight back… this was not what he wanted… right… until Jack had taken his jacket off, never once taking his eyes from Ennis'.___

_In that moment, Ennis had seen mirrored in Jack's eyes, all those things that he himself had been feeling, along with something that Ennis had never seen. Something that called out to him, and was answered immediately by Ennis' soul. Something that Ennis didn't at that point comprehend… desire.___

_When he heard the clink of Jack's belt unfastening, something inside Ennis clicked and all coherent thought fled his mind. His body took over; doing what he had refused to accept in the light of day, but his dreaming mind had known he wanted from the first time he laid eyes on Jack Twist.___

_After they had started 'The Thing', Ennis had worked hard to put feelings out of his mind as much as possible. He continuously told himself that this was nothing more then a couple of guys fooling around to pass the time… nothing else to it, right.___

_However, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't control the excited feeling that bubbled up in his stomach each night when he rode into camp for supper to find Jack there waiting with a big smile, his blues eyes shining and Ennis' name on his lips.___

_That whole summer, and even now all these years later, he had never tired of hearing Jack say his name. There was something about the quality of his voice… a sigh perhaps that seemed to follow each time he said it… that felt like an intimate caress… as though Jack had reached out and stroked his cheek with his fingers. Each time he heard it, Ennis felt heat rise to his face and his groin tighten.___

_He couldn't stop himself from touching Jack at every opportunity and he quickly discovered that he very much wanted to learn every place that Jack liked to be kissed, touched, and caressed. Any little thing he could do to make Jack's blue eyes glaze over… to make Jack moan, buck, twitch, and squirm... to bring forth those wonderful noises that Jack made, the ones that made his own heart race and his blood surge. ___

_Even though he continually told himself that he had meant what he said to Jack about this thing being a "one shot deal", and that when the summer ended "The Thing" would end as well, Ennis found himself forgetting that the outside world even existed. The world for Ennis became only 'Jack and Ennis'. He went up to the sheep, and did his job, but there was hardly a minute throughout the day that Jack was not on his mind, and he couldn't wait to get back to him every night.___

_The day that he had ridden into camp to have Jack tell him that they were to bring the sheep down, reality and the outside world came swooping back and landed squarely on Ennis' chest. He wanted to yell and swear. He wanted to find Joe Aguirre and demand that he not make them leave, but most of all he wanted to stop the horrible feeling that washed over him, stronger with each passing second.___

_He remembered well the fight that he and Jack had had, though he couldn't remember exactly how or why their playing had become fighting. He had known immediately that Jack had not meant to hurt him or bloody his nose. When he pulled back his fist and punched Jack in the face it was not an act of retaliation as much as an attempt to make someone… anyone feel as retched as he did, but it was also Ennis' way of venting the anger he felt at Jack for making him need and want him so damn much, and for Jack's calm un-caring reaction to their parting.__  
_  
When Ennis looked back on it now, he truly felt that the worst and biggest mistake he had ever made was letting Jack drive away that day in August of '63. The whole time they stood by Jack's truck talking, Ennis was struggling to block out the voice screaming in anguish inside his head. He wanted to grab Jack and never let go, to beg him please, please not to leave... to stay there with him, and his heart was aching so badly that he found it difficult to breathe. Much as he wanted to stay there with Jack, he knew that he couldn't… that it would never work… that they would never be safe.

_"That's what it all boils down to ain't it",_ Ennis though to himself, and threw the rest of the twigs into the fire. _"There is no way we can ever be together an be safe…don' matter how much he loves me, or how much I… well it don't matter!"_

Standing up slowly, wincing at the twinge of pain in his head, Ennis walked slowly down to the edge of the creek. Shoving his hands into his pockets he gazed across the water at the snow capped peaks of Brokeback Mountain in the distance.

That was how Jack found him. As he rounded a bend a little ways downstream, he immediately spotted Ennis standing at the edge of the water. "He's beautiful…" he thought as he slowly approached. Ennis was looking off into the distance, facing away from him. He stopped about ten feet behind Ennis and just looked at him for a minute. He looked amazing; his blond hair below his hat was glowing in the light of the setting sun, the suns rays forming a blazing halo around his body making it look as though the light was radiating from Ennis himself.

_**"Beautiful…"**_ Jack thought again, and sucked in a breath when Ennis suddenly turned and looked right at him.

"What's that?" Ennis asked, his voice surprised and slightly amused.

"What's what?" Jack asked and glanced around.

"What didya say?" Ennis said, his voice becoming more amused at Jack's 'innocent' act.

"I didn't say nothin', Bud." Jack said, concern replacing the confusion in his voice.

Smiling slightly, Ennis teased, "I coulda sworn you was saying something about me being "beautiful".

Jack jumped a bit at this and thought, _**"there ain't no way I said that aloud…"**_

"But ya did Jack… I heard ya!" Ennis replied, a crease of confusion appearing on his forehead, the amusement now gone from his voice.

"Ennis, are you feelin' ok? Ma'be you should't be up walkin' 'round yet. That mare gave you one hellava kick."

Ennis waved this away with his hand, and repeated sharply, "I heard ya, Jack. If ya don't want me to hear, ya shouldn' say it."

"But I didn'…" Jack started, but Ennis cut him off with a gruff, "whatev'r".

Sighing deeply, Jack turned and began walking back toward the tent and fire. _**"Why do I bother…?"**_

As soon as Jack started walking away, and Ennis saw the slump of his shoulders, he began to feel bad. Somehow, without meaning to, he had hurt Jack yet again.

_"What the fuck is wrong with you, Del Mar? Why can't ya keep yer tongue civil? I woulda thought that May mighta taught you something about Jack Twist. You came close to losin' him then… didn' ya learn nothin' from that?"_

Ennis followed Jack up to the fire, and found him standing with his back to the fire gazing into the gloom that was quickly closing into darkness. Wanting to let Jack know that he was sorry, Ennis reached out a hand and laid it gently on Jack's shoulder. He felt Jack shiver under his hand, and he said in a low voice, "You cold, Bud?"

"No."

"Jack…" Ennis said, and tugged on his arm to turn him around. Once Jack was facing him, Ennis bent his head down slightly so that he could meet Jack's eyes beneath the hat on his lowered head.

"You know what…" Ennis continued, bringing his hand up to Jack's chin and gently using his finger to raise Jack's head.

"What?" Jack asked his voice low and slightly strained sounding, his eyes still not meeting Ennis'.

"Well…" Ennis said, his voice completely serious, "we been together for a whole night an a day, and I haven' even kissed ya once… seems a shame to me."

Jack's eyes flew to meet Ennis', and it was Ennis' turn to suck in his breath. In the twilight, the firelight made his blue eyes look almost luminescent, and Ennis saw that look there again… that look that had completely undone him that night so long ago. This time, Ennis recognized it for what it was and felt himself begin to harden in response to that silent call.

"Ennis…" Jack said, and Ennis felt himself shiver this time. Stepping forward, Ennis brought his arms around Jack and pulled him against him so tightly that their bodies were pressed together completely. He knew that Jack must be able to feel the hardness straining against his jeans and pressing against Jack's answering hardness.

He brought his left hand up and slowly ran the back of his hand across Jack's cheek. He felt moisture there, and knew that Jack had been crying. He wiped the stray tear away with his index finger, and then slowly rubbed his thumb across Jack's eyebrow the way he knew made Jack's knees weak and was rewarded with a shiver that ran the length of Jack's body.

Slowly, keeping eye contact as long as possible, Ennis brought their mouths together in a kiss that was very much different then their usual 'first' kisses. Generally, that first kiss upon seeing each other again was urgent, hard, and needing. This kiss was slow and sensual, and Jack felt as though his whole body was melting.

_**"Sweet, Jesus… how can he make me want him without doin' nothin' but look at me? Couple a words and a look an I fold like a damn shirt..."**_

Ennis smiled against Jack's lips for a moment, until he suddenly realized that there was no way that Jack could have been speaking… not while his mouth was so completely occupied.

He pulled away, and stood there in the night air that suddenly felt cold against his skin. Breathing hard, he brought his hand to the lump that was still slightly raised on his forehead.

"Ennis…?" Jack said, his voice concerned, "are you okay? Does your head hurt? Damn, I was afraid ya might've gotten up to soon…"

"Jack!" Ennis said harshly, his voice raw, "do me a favor…"

"What, Ennis?"

"Think something… anything."

"Huh?"

"What the hell…?" Jack asked his voice sounding confused.

"Just think about something… the weather… Lureen… anything!"

_**"I swear to god Ennis Del Mar… I will not let you do this to me again! It's not fair… for 16 fuckin' years I have been lettin' ya kick my heart around an I have nev'r said hardly a word 'bout it… but no more!"**_

"Fuck you, Ennis!" Jack spat, and spun on his heel stomping off in the direction of his truck. Ennis heard keys rattling and realized that Jack was unlocking the door of his truck.

"Jack, wait!" he yelled, running up behind Jack and catching his arm as he was yanking the door to the truck open.

"Lemme go, Ennis!" Jack said and yanked his arm away from Ennis' grip.

"I don't know what game you're playin', but I am not interested! I am done playin' yer games, Ennis Del Mar. I suppose you think it's funny to get me all hot for you and then talk about Lureen and walk away to leave me wantin'. That's what you like to do ain't it… give me a just enough of you to keep me wantin' more, and then leave me wantin' you and not havin' you!"

_**"I love you, you fuckin' idiot… not that that means a damn thing to ya, ya stupid bastard!"**_

"Jack…" Ennis choked out, the words getting stuck in his throat and having to be forced out, "that's not it at all! I'm not tryin' to play no games… somethin' is happenin'…" He raised his hand to his head, and prodded the bump there and was rewarded with a throb of pain.

"What Ennis… what is happenin'?" There was still anger in Jack's voice, but also a bit of concern.

" I dunno…" Ennis shook his head a little, and squeezed his eyes shut.

_**"Please god… don't let there be somethin' wrong with him… I'm mad as hell at him, but… I love him, even when he is bein' a asshole!"**_

Ennis took a deep breath and thought for a moment. _"Somehow… I don't know how… you are hearing what Jack is thinkin'! But that ain't possible… not unless you are goin' crazy Del Mar! Ma'be Jack was right… ma'be that kick to the head did addle yer brain!_

Suddenly it became very important to Ennis that Jack not know what was happening. Fear driving him keep it to himself and try to figure out what was happening later.

Straightening up, he shook the feelings of confusion away as best he could, and reached out to grab Jack's hand.

"I'm sorry as hell, Jack." He said, squeezing Jack's hand to emphasize his words.

"Please, come on back to the fire. I'm doin' fine now… my head was jus' hurtin' a bit for a minute or two."

_**"And I'm suppose' to believe that…"**_

"Are ya sure, Ennis... ya look a bit pale... ma'be ya oughta lie down...?"

Ennis tugged Jack's hand, pulling him toward him. At first he felt Jack holding back, but then he came willing, stepping into Ennis' arms with a sigh.

"Come'ere," Ennis said, and brought his mouth to Jack's again.

Silently they walked back to the fire and sat together, sharing the remainder of the whiskey. Jack's mind whirling with confusion and concern at Ennis' odd behavior, and Ennis listening to Jack's thoughts, and trying frantically to figure out what was happening to him.

After a while had passed in silence, Jack, who had been watching Ennis out of the corner of his eye, began to feel some of the desire from before returning. Leaning over he began to kiss Ennis' neck, and smiled when he felt the pulse in his throat quicken.

Suddenly, Ennis turned and brought Jack's lips to his, kissing him slow and deep.

_**"That's more like it… who would have ever thought anyone could make someone so mad one minute and then make me hotter'n hell the next… I jus' hope he's really ok..."**_

Within a very few minutes, they were back to where they had been before. Lying next to the fire, their bodies pressed together, breathing hard, and kissing as though the world might end if their lips were to part.

"Ennis…" Jack said, making Ennis shiver and close his eyes, "Let's go in the tent… it's damn cold out here…" _**"And I can't wait to get you in there and get these damnable clothes offa you!"**_

Ennis said nothing, not sure if he could trust himself to speak at that moment. He nodded, and let Jack help him up. Jack paused long enough to stoke the fire for the night.

While Jack was working on the fire, Ennis slipped into the tent. He quickly removed his shirt, boots and socks, and lay back on the large sleeping bag that Jack always brought on their 'fishing' trips. As he lay there waiting for Jack to join him, he thought about the first trip that Jack had brought the sleeping bag. It had rained for 3 days straight, and they had been forced to find things to occupy themselves inside the tent. A friendly game of cards became strip poker, which led to a lively round of sex that left them both exhausted and drained. They had christened the sleeping bag good and proper that week.

Ennis lay on his back, his arms tucked behind his head, and a smile on his face. Jack had 'thought' that he loved Ennis two more times. Ennis had heard him… and even though it had been during a fight, thinking on it made that little balloon of happiness that he almost never let out, fill and expand in his chest. He was still stunned and confused about being able to hear Jack's thoughts, but the more he heard, the more he thought it might not be such a bad thing. In fact, somehow, Ennis thought that maybe… just maybe… he could get used to that!

"What are you smilin' at, mister?" Jack asked as he stepped into the tent.

"Nuthin' much," Ennis replied, raising himself up on his elbows and watching as Jack began to undress.

Without even thinking about it, Ennis said in a low voice that was filled with awe and something close to pride, "You are a damn fine lookin' man, Jack."

Jack spun around so fast that he almost lost his balance. "What did you say?" he asked, his voice coming out with a very definite squeak.

_**"Damn… did Ennis Del Mar just give me a compliment? No way… I must be dreamin'!"**_

Surprised at himself, he decided that he didn't care, all he wanted was to see Jack's eye's light up again like they had a moment ago. Ennis got up onto his knees and pulled Jack's arm until he dropped to his knees as well. Bringing his hands to the sides of Jack's face, he pulled him forward gently until their foreheads rested against each other. Ennis felt a small twinge of pain, but chose to ignore it as he looked into Jack's eyes and said in a low voice, husky with desire and something else that Ennis wasn't quite ready to name yet, "I said, that you are a damn fine looking' man, Jack Twist."

Ennis could not wait another minute to feel Jack's skin against his. He closed his eyes and pulled Jack's lips to his, and then slowly lay back, pulling Jack down with him.

Jack, whose head was still reeling from Ennis' unexpected and totally un-Ennis like words, gave no resistance. In fact, he went willing into Ennis arms, lying on top of him and positioning himself the way he knew Ennis liked, their legs entwined, bodies fully pressed together so that each little shift or movement from either of them sent waves of pleasure through both of them. Ennis brought his arms up and wrapped them tightly around Jack's shoulders, running his fingers up into his hair and rubbing the sides of his head with his thumbs.

"_**Sometimes I almost forget how good it feels to be here in these arms... where I should be..."**_

Ennis began kissing Jack's neck, flicking his tongue against the pulse point and pressing upward against Jack, increasing the pressure between them and then pulling back a bit, drawing a little moan from Jack.

_**"Dammit Ennis… why can't you see that this is where you belong too… right here with me... if ya could only jus' see that...?"**_

Leaning forward and drawing his tongue slowly up Jack's neck to his ear, making Jack moan again, Ennis whispered so quietly that Jack barely heard him, "I think I might be beginnin' to…"

Then he brought his lips back to Jack's and began running his hands down Jack's back from his shoulders, down to his hips where his hands came to rest, pressing upward again and issuing a moan of his own.

11


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Of Tears and Tenderness**

Dawn found Ennis lying on his side in the sleeping bag. Jack lay next to him curled up on his right side facing Ennis, his sleeping face relaxed with a slight smile on his lips.

A curl of black hair had fallen forward, and was hanging down across Jack's forehead. With a little smile, Ennis reached up and gently brushed it back with his fingers. Once his fingers made contact with Jack's skin, Ennis found it impossible, almost painful, to pull them away.

Gently, trying not to wake him, Ennis began tracing the lines of Jack's face with his fingertips. He brushed his knuckles across one whiskered cheek, and ran his fingers along his strong jaw. One fingertip traced his full lips, and then moved to stroke across his eyebrows.

"_Why is it there're times that I feel like I ain't nev'r really seen you?"_ Ennis thought as he gazed at Jack's face.

The night before, as he had lain propped up on his elbows watching Jack undress, Ennis had… maybe for the first time since that summer on Brokeback… allowed his eyes to fully take Jack in. He was forced to admit, as a knot of desire began to curl deep in his belly that he greatly liked what he saw.

When he had been engaged to Alma, before that summer, Ennis had looked at her several times, trying to decide what it was he was supposed to feel when he looked at her. He felt a certain fondness for her, and thought that they would get along well together, but he couldn't say that he felt any particular stirring when he looked at her. After they had been married, sex for him was a purely physical activity. She touched and his body responded, but his heart had not been in it, andhe had struggled to feel something about her body.

That was most certainly not the case when it came to Jack Twist. Looking at Jack, even while doing the most mundane of things, made little birds of excitement twitter and flit around in his stomach, and if he looked long enough those birds found their way lower, causing him to ache with a need that scared Ennis with its intensity. When he and Jack were together, touching each other, Ennis felt such desire for him that at times he felt a frantic need to be pressed as close to him as possible, as though he could make himself a part of Jack. He had never felt that way with either of the women he had been with.

Looking at him the way he was now, one arm flung up onto the pillow, the other resting across Ennis' hip, his legs slightly bent and his face almost angelic in sleep, Ennis felt something swell up in him that he usually fought to keep down when Jack was awake. But, Jack was not awake, so it was safe to let his feelings and emotions play through him.

He knew that he had hurt Jack repeatedly over the years but Ennis had spent the last 16 years, ever since they had reunited and stayed at that shitty little motel on the outskirts of Riverton, trying to convince himself that it was Jack's own fault that he was always torn up inside.

It was Jack that kept thinking on the idea of them ranching up together somewhere. Ennis always thought that if he would just let that thought go, and accept what they had instead of always wanting what they couldn't have, then maybe he could be happy with at least being able to see each other once in awhile, and then Ennis himself could be happy with it as well.

After hearing Jack's thoughts during their fight the previous evening, and listening to him while Ennis made love to him, not just his thoughts, but the things his eyes and his body were saying, Ennis finally had to admit to himself that it was not entirely Jack's fault that his heart was torn up. A great deal of the fault was Ennis'.

As he watched Jack lying there next to him, the memory of their lovemaking, and how amazing every little touch felt, still so fresh in his mind, Ennis had to admit that his refusal to be with Jack had not been about Alma, or the girls, or child support or any of the other numerous reasons he had given over the years. His refusal had been purely selfish. If he only saw Jack two or three times a year, out here where no one could see them, he could convince himself that he wasn't queer. He could continue to delude himself into believing that what he felt for Jack was lust, that Jack had been his 'first time' and that's why he couldn't let it go. This thing with Jack… it was nothing more then a chance occurrence in an otherwise normal life. All those years when Jack was asking and begging him to consider that 'sweet life' every time they were together, Ennis had felt justified in his refusal to even think about them being together. He had never realized or wanted to acknowledge just how tormented Jack was by their separation. To acknowledge it would have meant admitting there were feelings there that Ennis did not want to face, not from Jack and certainly not within himself.

He couldn't say that when Jack was right there in front of him. He could no longer dismiss the fluttering in his stomach at the sight of him, or the fact that when Jack smiled at him he felt happier then he ever had any other time in his life. Nor could he ignore the way his blood burned and his skin sang when Jack touched him or the way his fingers tingled and his pulse quickened when he touched Jack. The plain and simple truth of the matter was that Ennis Del Mar was well and truly hooked by this man and he realized, to his mild surprise, that he liked that idea just fine.

When he realized all of these things, he felt profoundly ashamed. He had done the same thing to Jack that he had done to Alma… he had used them both for his own selfish reasons and thought very little about their feelings about it all. Only what he had done to Jack was worse because Jack loved him more then anything… was willing to give up everything for him, and Ennis finally had to admit that, unlike Alma whom he had wanted to and tried to love but could never quite manage it, Ennis loved Jack just as much.

This admission, though only to himself, hit Ennis like a ton of bricks. His eyes filled with tears, and his chest felt so tight that he had to gasp to draw a breath. Without thinking about it, Ennis reached out and drew Jack tight against him. He buried his fingers in Jack's thick hair, and clutched Jack to him. Burying his face in Jack's neck, he began to sob against his smooth warm skin. He wanted to crawl inside of Jack and stay there, he wanted to hold Jack tight and never let go.

**"**_**What… what's happenin'"**_ Jack thought, he opened his eyes and looked down at the back of Ennis' head. **_"Oh shit… what's wrong… what's happen'd?"_**

"Ennis…?" He said his voice low and soothing but edged with fear. "What's wrong, cowboy?"

Gasping, Ennis broke out into fresh tears at the sound of his name and then "cowboy", the closest thing Jack had ever used for an endearment, on Jack's lips. The wave of pleasure he felt at hearing those words making him feel even worse.

"Shhh… it's alright, Ennis… it's alright." Jack soothed. He brought his own hands to the back of Ennis' neck and stroked the curls there at the base of his skull. He felt profoundly scared at that moment. Ennis was not the crying type. It took something big to cause him to break down. That he was almost inconsolable shook Jack to his toes.

Deciding that Ennis was not likely to tell him what was wrong as long as he was in this state, Jack simply laid there and held him. Ennis had him in a vise grip that was almost painful in its strength and intensity, but he could not bring himself to do anything to loosen it.

**"**_**Holy hell… he's gonna leave bruises…"**_ He thought, as he felt Ennis fingers clutching at his shoulders. _"Musta' been another nightmare…" _Jack knew, though he also knew he would never admit it, that Ennis frequently had nightmares brought on by his father forcing him to see that murdered man when he was a boy.

Ennis suddenly drew back and eased his grip on Jack, though he did not move away nor did he remove his arms from around him.

Jack reached up and flicked a straggling tear from Ennis' cheek, and leaned forward to kiss the spot where it had been. He had decided rather quickly that Ennis' tears were not due to any kind of injury, but he was still concerned. However, sensehe didn't seem forthcoming with an explanation,Jack decided that he was going to have to ask if he wanted answers.

"Well, now, cowboy… think you wanna tell me what this's all about."

"Jack…" Ennis began, his voice hoarse and strained sounding, "I got somethin' I need to tell ya…"

Jack stiffened and steeled himself for bad news, "Whatsa matt'r, Ennis?" Jack asked, his voice falsely casual, and Ennis felt and heard his hesitation.

"Jack, I need to tell ya how damn sorry I am fer all the hurt I been causin' you all this time. I was't bein' fair to ya, and ya deserve better'en that."

Jack began to speak, and Ennis stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"Le'me finish ok." At Jack's nod, Ennis continued. "I always made the rules didn' I? Made it so damn hard fer botha us… never thought about ya, only what w's best and easiest fer me… dammit Jack, I am more damn sorry then I can tell ya… I… I …" he swallowed hard, and brought his hand up to impatiently swipe a stray tear from his cheek, "you know that I… I'm pretty fond of ya, Jack… hope ya know that."

**"****_That has got to be the nic'st thin' Ennis Del Mar has ever said to me…"_**Jack thought, his mind reeling a bit.

"I sorta' thought ya might be…" Jack said, trying hard to keep the emotion from his voice and failing miserably, "mighty nice ta hearit though."

Ennis raised his head and looked into Jack's eyes. What he saw there both scared the hell out of him and made him feel like he could cross a raging river, climb the highest mountain and wrestle a bear, all without getting a scratch.

**"**_**Say it Jack… now's the time… if ya don' say it now the chance may not come again!"**_

"Ennis…" Jack began, and then hesitated.

**"****_For Christ sake… what the fuck're you waitin' for… tell him now b'fore it's too late!"_**

"Ennis…" he began again, his voice a bit more steady", I…"

Ennis stopped Jack with a finger against his lips.

"Shhh… s'ok Jack… already know." Ennis said.

Jack pulled back from Ennis' finger, and said, "No Ennis… I gotta say this! It's been eatin' me up fer damn near 20 years…"

"Jack… I don' think…"

"Dammit, Ennis Del Mar, jus shut up will ya… can't a man tell ya he loves ya without having to argue bout it first?" Jack yelled and pulled back from Ennis.

Ennis closed his eyes. He had heard the thoughts in Jack's mind, but somehow, hearing them spoken aloud brought back all the same feelings he had the first time he heard it.

"Jack…" he said again, his voice tight and quiet with an almost desperate quality to it.

Opening his eyes, Ennis turned and grabbed Jack again quickly bringing their lips together. From the strength of the embrace, Jack braced himself for an equal kiss. Ennis however had other plans. Rather then crushing his lips to Jack's, he began a long slow gentle kiss that went on and on.

Somehow, when they made love, at the start they always ended up with Ennis lying on his back and Jack lying on top of him. Ennis was not a selfish lover, and he always gave as good as he got, but Jack was generally the one that couldn't restrain himself. Usually Jack, in his eagerness to touch Ennis, ended up holding him down and doing the things that he knew gave Ennis the most pleasure before he would allow Ennis to touch him. So Jack was taken completely by surprise when Ennis pressed him back on the sleeping bag, and stretched out on top of him.

In a manner that was so unlike him that Jack was not entirely sure he had heard him correctly, Ennis pulled his lips away from Jack's and bringing his mouth to his ear, said in a low voice, "Jack Twist… tonight its my turn to do ta you what you do ta me just by lookin' at me…gonna make you crazy… gonna make you feel real good…"

Before Jack had a chance to think about protesting, Ennis grabbed both of his hands and pulled them up over his head.

"Ennis…?" Jack said, surprise evident in his voice.

"Shhh… quiet, darlin'", Ennis whispered. "I'm busy here… can't talk jus now."

Beginning at Jack's forehead, Ennis proceeded to kiss, lick, and caress his way down Jack's body. He made a through exploration of every inch of exposed skin, pausing to go repeatedly over, and return more then once to the areas that brought the loudest moans of pleasure from Jack's lips.

He used his ability to hear Jack's thoughts to his advantage, and used each little, _"_**_Oh God", "fuck yeah", "damn that's good"_**_,_ and _"_**_holy hell"_** as his guide to just what would drive Jack the most crazy. He held nothing back, did things that he had always hesitated to try before… some of them things that Jack had asked him to do that he wasn't sure about. He relished each little moan, sigh and twitch of Jack's body, encouraged and driven by them to elicit even more.

Finally, when Jack was squirming under him, harder then Ennis ever remembered him being, leaking clear liquid in a steady stream and so excited and desperate to touch Ennis that he was actually whimpering, Ennis pushed himself up to his knees and just looked at his handy work. Jack's eyes were positively glowing, with a fire that Ennis had not seen in16 years. Those eyes burned into his and spoke to him of things that Ennis would never have conceived of, and until now would never have accepted.

Swiftly, taking Ennis completely of guard, Jack vaulted forward and pushed Ennis back down with him, turning them both as he did until he was the one lying on top with Ennis' hands held together.

"My turn…" Jack said, a grin that left Ennis breathless just looking at it, spread across his face.

"Jack…" Ennis said, his voice husky and raw with need.

"Yes, cowboy… whatcha want?" Jack asked, leaning forward and nipping Ennis' lip quickly while at the same time pressing his hips down and grinding himself against Ennis' straining hardness, which he could feel pressed against his own. Ennis moaned and rubbed himself against Jack, bodies made sweaty with arousal sliding against each other in a way that always excited them both.

Jack knew damn well what Ennis wanted… but he wasn't gonna let him get away with not saying it… not this time. In all those years, each time they got together, the one thing that Jack wanted from Ennis, other then a commitment that Ennis was unable to give, was for Ennis to actually admit that he wanted him. Although Ennis was never hesitant to express that with his body, Jack wanted the words.

Ennis mumbled something that Jack could not hear. Jack kissed his lips quickly, and used his knees and elbows to push himself up so he was hovering over Ennis, barely an inch between them, but not quite touching, before asking, "What was that, Ennis… couldn't hear ya."

"Want…" Ennis mumbled, and tried to pull Jack back down to him, but Jack was not having it.

"Want what, Ennis…? He whispered, and lowered his head to Ennis' ear.

"You…" Ennis managed to force out along with a moan as Jack nibbled on his earlobe, "want ya, Jack…want ya bad…"

Jack paused and closed his eyes, **_"Damn… took him 20 years to say… but it was worth all the waitin' to hear it!"_**

Lowering himself so that their bodies were touching, Jack pressed himself against the full length of Ennis' body and pushed his hips forward. Shivering at Ennis' moan of pleasure and biting back his own moan, Jack whispered hoarsely, "Feel that, cowboy… I'm right here… you got me."

"Christ… Jack… will you shut the hell up and come here!" Impatiently, Ennis pulled his hands free from Jack's grasp. Wrapping his arms around Jack he put his hand on the back of Jack's head and pulled his lips to his, devouring Jack's mouth with a fierce intensity that told Jack just how badly Ennis wanted him. Finally, Ennis released his hold.

Hugging him tightly against him, Ennis looked up at Jack's face for a minute, taking in his flushed and sweaty appearance. Jack's eyes were such a bright blue that it almost hurt to look at them.

Leaning forward, Jack buried his face in Ennis' neck and licked a trail up to his ear. Flicking his tongue against his earlobe, he waited for the answering moan that he knew was coming before whispering, "Love you, Ennis…" A shudder that ran the length of Ennis body and a tightening of the arms around him was the only response.

They kissed and held each other for a long time, hands, and lips exploring and caressing, pausing to look into each other's eyes, and whisper words of encouragement and little endearments. Somehow, Ennis finally admitting that he wanted Jack seemed to have opened a floodgate of emotions and feelings, and he whispered all of them into Jack's eagerly waiting ears.

At last, when both men were straining against each other and aching with need, they finally came together. There was no sense of urgency. Unlike the frantic coupling that was usual for them, this time was slow and sensual, the goal not so much to rush to the finish line, but to take their time and simply enjoy the ride.

When they finished, and lay panting in each other's arms, sweaty skin pressed against sweaty skin, Ennis pulled his head back enough so he could see Jack's face.

"Jack…"

"Hmm…" Jack replied, his voice sleepy.

Ennis put his finger under Jack's chin, and raised his face so he could see his eyes. Taking in his flushed face and looking deeply into those blue eyes, he brushed Jack's sweaty hair back off his forehead and in a whisper, his voice full of emotion, Ennis said, "Love you too, Jack".

Jack looked into Ennis' eyes and felt tears begin to run down his cheeks.

**"**_**I never thought the day would come… don't know if I coulda gone on with knowin' but never hearin' it."**_

Wiping his eyes, he saw that Ennis was crying again as well. Leaning toward him, Jack pulled Ennis to meet him and kissed him long and deep until neither of them knew where one mans tears ended and the others began.

9


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: The Past Can Haunt You**

"Know what we oughta do tonight…" Jack said, looking across the fire at Ennis who was sitting on a large rock eating the last of his supper.

"What's that? Ennis said, putting his plate down and wiping his mouth.

Shifting on his own rock, Jack said, "I think we oughta go into town… get a beer at the bar."

Crossing his arms in front of him, he waited for Ennis to respond. _**"We'll see how far this new Ennis will go before he turns back into himself."**_

Ennis sat across the fire, an expressionless look on his face. Since the morning that he had finally admitted it to himself and told Jack that he loved him, he had been different, softer, less temper, more affectionate. The last two days, Jack had been pushing at him a little bit. Testing him to see how long he could go on being this "new" Ennis.

"Jack…" Ennis started, and immediately heard Jack thinking, _**"Yup… here we go! Knew it wouldn' last…" **_

Taking a deep breath and biting back a comment Ennis said, "Jack… I think ya got yerself a good idea."

Jack's shocked look was so comical that Ennis couldn't help himself. He started laughing deep and loud. The sound startled both of them and Ennis fell silent immediately.

A huge grin spread across Jack's face. He could count on one hand the number of times he'd heard Ennis cut loose and laugh like that, and most of them had taken place nearly 20 years ago. _**"Now there's a sound I could get useta hearin'."**_

Ennis sucked in a breath and felt that familiar knot in his stomach. _"Dammit… how the hell can I say no ta this man when he smiles at me like that."_

"Comeon, mister." Ennis said, trying to keep his voice steady and ignore the fact that his jeans had suddenly become just a bit tighter. "Let's head on inta town an I'll letcha buy me a beer." He stood up and walked over to Jack, holding out his hand to help Jack up from the rock.

Jack simply sat there for a minute and stared at Ennis' hand as though he expected Ennis to suddenly punch him again.

Ennis bit back a chuckle, _"there… gotcha Jack… think ya know so dern much about me do ya! Ha!" _

"You mean it?" Jack asked his voice incredulous. _**"No way this is happenin'"**_

"Sure… could use a beer. Whisky's ok, but sometimes I'd jus asoon have a beer."

Jack sat completely still, not sure if he was dreaming or not. "So… you don't mind that when we get ta town there're actually gonna be people there."

"That'll do it… you damn fool… now he's gonna baulk fer sure!"

"Gener'lly are in a town, Jack, 'less you plan ta buy a beer from that tree ov'r there."

"People will see us together… ya sur you're ok with that?"

Shrugging, "I been seen b'fore… now are ya comin' or am I goin' without ya… got my mouth water'd up fer a beer now."

"Jesus… there is definit'ly somethin' not right here!"

"Ennis, are ya sure you're ok… maybe that horse kicked ya harder then ya think… ya jus ain't acttin' like yerself lately." Jack said, confusion and concern in his voice.

"Feelin' jus fine, Bud. Let's go huh, two hour drive inta Signal." Since Jack had still not budged from his rock, Ennis reached down and yanked his arm pulling him up and into his arms for a quick kiss.

"Make sure he knows what he's doin', Twist… don't wanna get all the way there an have him change his mind!"

Pulling back, Jack leaned back enough so he could see Ennis' face and said softly, "Ennis… are ya tellin' me that you're really gonna go into Signal, an walk inta a bar with me, sit at a table with me, and drink'a beer, with me. With all them people seein' us doin' this?

Ennis felt his chest constrict a bit at the idea, and fought back a brief moment of panic. Despite his bravado, the thought of this scared the hell outta him. He wasn't sure if he could handle it actually, but he thought that if Jack behaved himself and didn't do nothing to call attention to them then he might just be able to do this.

"Jack…" his voice caught for a second and then he gave Jack a squeeze, and said, "let's get huh… don't wanna be out all night." Turning Jack in the direction of his truck, Ennis gave him a little shove in that direction, and then as he started to follow him, he reached out and smacked Jack's butt, making him jump and look back at him in surprise.

"Unbelievable!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Jack pulled his truck into the parking lot beside the small bar in Signal two hours later, Ennis stared out the window and swallowed hard. Signal was not very big, and there was just the one bar in town. Because of this, the place was generally quite busy in the evenings, mostly full of cowboys and ranch owners, good 'ole boys with nothing else to do in a little one-horse town. Tonight was no exception.

Jack shut the motor off and looked over at Ennis in the passenger seat. Ennis' face looked pale in the light from the bar, and Jack could see him swallowing convulsively as though his stomach was trying to escape and he was fighting to keep it in. His hands were curled into fists on the seat on either side of him, and Jack could see his jaw clenching and unclenching.

"Poor guy, he is tryin' so damn hard to prove hisself ta me… least I can do is give'em a break here…"

"Ennis", Jack said and laid his hand over Ennis' clenched fist. He felt Ennis jump a little and pulled his hand back. "Ennis… we don' hav'ta do this. Ya don' need to prove nothin' ta me. Hell, ya a'ready gave me more on this trip then I coulda ever hop'd for."

Ennis turned to look at Jack, and saw the look in his eyes… a mixture of gratitude, disappointment, and love…big blue eyes, hoping for the best, and fearing the worst.

"_That's what I done to him… all these years, e'ery time he want'd or need'd anythin' from me I've disappointed him. Done it so much he don' even dare to hope n'more." _

Ennis forced himself to unclench and smiled at Jack, a sad, tremulous smile that spoke of how sorry he was for crushing Jack's hopes and dreams all those years.

Misinterpreting the smile, Jack sighed, reached for the key that still hung in the ignition and started to turn it to start the engine back up. _**"Well… at least he came this far… gotta give'em credit fer that much."**_

"Hey there, mister," Ennis said his voice soft as he covered the hand turning the keys with his own work roughed hand, his voice cracked a bit on the 'mister' but the next words came out strong and steady, "Whatdaya think you're doin', huh? Ya owe me a beer an I aim to collect on it!" He moved his hand down to Jack's arm and squeezed gently before he opened the truck door and stepped out into the parking lot.

Ennis started across the lot toward the front of the building. When he got about half way there he suddenly realized that Jack was not with him. Looking back at the truck, he saw that Jack was still sitting there behind the wheel. He wasn't moving, just sitting there like a statue, head down staring at his lap.

Walking around the truck Ennis opened the door, and just stood there looking at Jack. After a few minutes, Ennis put his hand on his shoulder, "Hey, Bud, you ok?"

Jack turned and looked at Ennis, and he could see that Jack was fighting not to cry. "I can't believe that you're willin' ta do this fer me, Ennis… makes me realize that ya musta really meant what ya said the other night."

"You didn' believe me?" Ennis said, a little hurt but able to understand given the way he had treated Jack in the past.

"_**How could I… how could I believe it when I gave up hopin' ta hear it 16 years ago inna shitty little motel on the outsk'rts of Riverton."**_

"I want'd to… but…",

"_**I jus' couldn't… seem'd to good ta be true." **_

"Yeah… I know, but I meant it, and I still do." A look passed between them that said more then the actual words could have and Jack smiled.

"Now are ya gonna get outta this truck and come buy me that beer or am I gonna hafta go in there witho't ya?"

"Nope, I'm comin'," Jack said, and grinned as he noticed the glimmer in Ennis' eyes at that statement.

"Hey now," he said and punched Ennis lightly on the shoulder, "keep that up and I might just change my mind about that beer and drag ya back to the tent!"

Ennis blushed and blustered a bit saying, "Keep what up, I ain't doin' nothin'."

"_**Oh my god… it ain't possible… hot damn… Ennis Del Mar was checkin' me out right out here in the open!"**_

Ennis gritted his teeth and for about the hundredth time in the last three days he cursed whatever it was that was suddenly making it possible for him to hear Jack's thoughts.

"Are we gettin' a beer or not, Twist? Time's passin' and we still hafta drive to get back!"

"Let's go then," Jack said, pushing past Ennis and starting across the parking lot, yelling back over shoulder as he went, "Comeon, Ennis, pick it up… time's a'wastin'… last one in is buying!"

"Jack Fuckin' Twist!" Ennis muttered and walked across the parking lot behind him.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The minute they stepped inside the bar, Jack felt Ennis tense up behind him. Nearly every table and most of the stools at the bar were occupied. The men taking up those seats were a pretty well mixed assortment. Ranch owners, and ranch hands for the most part, although there also appeared to be a few redneck types whooping it up at the bar. The minute he walked in, Ennis was hit with a wave of sound. _"It ain't jus Jack… I can hear these fellas thoughts to!"_

Walking through the crowd, he picked up a bit on thoughts of some of the guys they passed.

"_**Betta have Marshall start on the uppa field tomorrow."**_

"_**Ma damn hands'll hurt for a week causa that dumb ass mule."**_

"_**Damn city folks… oughta fuckin' well stay w're they belon'."**_

Ennis jumped a bit when he realized that last thought was aimed at Jack. He had seen him wear that jacket dozens of times, and he had never noticed how expensive and 'city' he looked in it.

"Easy there, Bud," Jack said in a low voice. He could feel the waves of tension coming from Ennis.

"Wanna sit at the bar?" Jack asked in an effort to help Ennis relax. There were several empty stools way down at the end, and Jack headed in that direction. Once they were seated, he could turn his back to the other people in the bar and tune out their thoughts along with the jukebox in the corner and the rest of the chatter. Once they had ordered a couple of Buds from the bartender, Ennis started to relax a bit and looked around.

The bar looked pretty much the way he remembered it. He and Jack had come here the first day they met back in '63. Jack had reckoned that since they were gonna be working together they might as well start drinking together.

Thinking back on it now, he remembered sitting here at this bar listening to Jack talk and feeling an odd sort of emptiness in his stomach, along with a desire to talk to the man sitting next to him. He would have too… except he couldn't find the right words to say, so he sat quietly and listened to Jack talk about his first summer on Brokeback and only talked when Jack asked him a question.

After their beers came, Ennis leaned back in his chair and asked, "'Member the last time we was here?"

Jack snorted around the mouth of his beer bottle, and said, "How in th'hell could I forget!"

It had been their last day together in '63. After they had left Aguirre's with their meager pay, Jack had insisted on buying Ennis a beer before they moved on. They had sat at the bar barely speaking and fully conscious of the terrible tension that had sprung up between them since they had started down the mountain.

_Jack had sat in unnatural silence, his cheek smarting from Ennis' punch, and his heart smarting with the fear that Ennis might have really meant it when he said they were a "one shot deal". Frankly, so much had happened since the second night they were together… the night that Ennis had come timidly but willingly into the tent and Jack's arms… that Jack had begun to believe that Ennis might just have changed his mind about that 'one shot' business. During the weeks that passed after they became lovers, Ennis had truly opened himself up to Jack, physically as well as emotionally. _

_They had some of the best conversations that either of them ever remembered having, and had spent many evenings snuggled together against the log seat talking. About their families, horses they had owned, poker games they had won and lost. Almost anything that came to mind was fodder for new conversation, and both jumped at the chance to begin a long discussion about anything because it gave them a good excuse to stay together as long as possible._

_Most of the time these evenings ended with both of them retiring to the tent and Ennis finally riding away just before dawn, a contented look on his face, and an equally satisfied look on the face of a still sleeping Jack. _

_When Aguirre had told them to bring the sheep down early, he had felt no particular fret about it. He had assumed, given how close they had become, that they would remain lovers even once they left Brokeback. Ennis' anger had confused him, and he thought for awhile that it was because of the money. After Ennis had punched him, he had come to the sudden realization that Ennis was mad about leaving the mountain. Jack had begun to worry at that point about the future of their relationship. _

_He knew then that he was in love with Ennis, though he wasn't fully sure how Ennis felt about him. He had thought he knew, but that punch knocked him around in more ways then one. He worried what Ennis was thinking, though for himself he saw no real reason why they should stop being lovers._

_Thinking about it, Jack chuckled and remembered that he had only used the word 'lovers' out loud once in their entire relationship. Ennis had been livid, and had ridden away and not come down, even for meals, for three whole days. When he finally did come down, he was sorry, full of apologies, and had obviously missed Jack terribly. They had spent that entire evening sitting very close together, and Ennis had been unable to stop looking at Jack, as though he were afraid that if he did Jack would disappear._

"Ya know, Jack," Ennis said, breaking in on Jack's reminiscing. the thoughts becoming too painful for him to listen to, "when I think back on it, worst mistake I ev'r made was lettin' you drive away. I shoulda told ya how I felt then… kept right by ya… who knows what mighta been different, huh."

Ennis glanced over at Jack who had said nothing, he was sitting with his head down looking at his hands again, finally after a moment or two, he looked at Ennis and said, "I've lost counta the numb'r of times I've kicked myself fer getting' in that truck and drivin' away from you. Wish like hell I'da just grabbed ya an not let go..."

Jack's right hand was resting on his thigh, and without thinking about it, Ennis reached out and covered it with his own.

"Well I'll be damned!" A voice boomed from behind them, and Ennis yanked his hand back as though it had been bitten.

"Lookee' what we got here! If it ain't Twist… an Holy Shit… Del Mar hisself… now ain't this a treat! Damn Del Mar... whatha hell happen'd to yer face?"

"_**Shit! Jus' ignore em Ennis… just… aw shit!**_

Ennis turned on his stool and looked up at Joe Aguirre. He didn't look much different, a bit older, a lot heavier, and a lot wealthier but he still had that mean, narrow eyed look.."

"Sir." Ennis said and tipped his hat. He didn't particularly like Joe Aguirre, after all, he had cheated he and Jack out of a month… a months pay and also a month together, but he was raised to be polite and civil to his elders. "Bit of a tangle with a horse... nothin' big... just grazed me..." Ennis' voice trailed off as he noticed that Jack had not turned, nor had he bothered to acknowledge that Aguirre was behind him.

"Lucky fer ya I'd say... 'nother inch and ya woulda lost yer eye!"

His words said one thing, but Ennis sensed that Aguirre couldn't have cared less what happened to him, was in fact disappointed that the horse hadn't kicked his head clear off.

"So what all brings you boys to this necka the woods, don' tell me yer still doin' summer cowboy work?"

"No sir," Ennis replied. He could sense a tension in Jack, and somehow that tension bled off into him. That coupled with the waves of animosity coming from Aguirre was making him nervous and he felt himself tensing up, fear curling in his belly. "Just passin' through and decided to stop fer a beer."

"Jus' passin' through," Agurrie sneered, "interestin'."

"_**Fuck… shut the hell up Aguirre… just shut yer fuckin' mouth you bastard…"**_

Suddenly, Ennis realized that Aguirre was not alone. Standing behind him were three or four large ranch hands. They all wore identical sneering looks and were glaring angrily at Ennis and Jack. He could hear their thoughts, and what he heard wasn't good.

"_Shit,"_ he thought, a knot of fear beginning to coil up in his stomach, _"what the hell is this?"_

One of the men behind Aguirre stepped forward suddenly and grabbed a fistful of Jack's jacket. "I think you and mista fancy here oughta get the fuck outta here if'n ya know what's good fer ya!" He spat.

"_**Aw shit… shit… shit… what the hell was you thinkin', Twist… shoulda know'd better then ta come here…"**_

There was panic in that thought, and Ennis felt the blood drain from his face as a single thought went through his mind. "He knows!" He started to rise from his stool, bracing himself to fight if he had to.

"Ennis..." Jack said, his voice low and put his hand on Ennis' arm. Ennis yanked his arm away, and took a step forward, "Christ, Ennis, let it be..."

"Ain't that sweet..." Ennis heard from Aguirre and fought the urge to cringe, instead keeping a steady glare with the man who had ahold of Jack's jacket.

Aguirre looked at Ennis' face and smirked, "Now, now Jerome," he said, amusement in his voice, "these here boys are just havin' a friendly drink… ain't that right, Twist." He didn't wait for Jack to answer, but simply pulled his man back and patted Jack's jacket where it was bunched up from being pulled.

Ennis heard the sarcasm in Aguirre's voice when he said 'boys' and he felt his temper rising slightly.

"You boys have a good evenin' now." Aguirre said, and turned to walk away. The other men stood there for a second Ennis glaring them down before they sneered at him, spat on the floor at his feet, and followed their boss back to their table.

Pulling out his wallet, Jack slammed some bills down on the bar, and said, "Let's get outta here."

Ennis, his whole body shaking with fear and anger, said nothing. He clenched his jaw, wincing at the twinge of pain in his temple, and followed Jack quickly through the crowd. As they were stepping out the door he heard a chorus of voices behind them jeering, "Have fun boys!" He never even paused, just kept on walking as though he had heard nothing. He walked straight to the truck and yanked the door open.

"_**Goddam fuckin' assholes!" **_

They drove back to Pine Creek in silence. Neither saying anything, both seething about what had happened. Ennis' mind churned with the same thought over and over, _"He knows… fuckin' Joe Aguirre knows!"_

Jack's thoughts also churned through his head, but mostly they were simply a long string of curses and foul names.

When they got back to the camp, Jack parked the truck and just sat there, his head resting on the steering wheel.

Ennis got out of the truck, went to the fire pit, stirred up the still hot coals, and threw a few small pieces of wood into the red glow. When there were flames flickering in front of him, he threw in a few more logs. Standing up, he glanced around and saw that Jack was still in the truck. His head was longer resting on the steering wheel. He was watching Ennis through the windshield.

Ennis went and sat on his usual rock. After a few minutes he heard the truck door open and close. Jack approached the fire and stretched his hands out to warm them. Ennis watched him for a few minutes and then he said in a tight voice that even he didn't recognize, "He knows don' he… Joe Aguirre knows about… us."

Jack noticed the hesitation before the 'us' and winced. _**"Why did this hafta happen now… things were goin' so good... it was beginnin' to look like he might… aw shit!"**_

"Yes." Jack said quietly, "Aguirre knows.'

"How, Jack… how the fuck does he know?" Ennis asked, his voice rising angrily.

"I don' know fer sure… but I think he mighta seen somethin'… that summer." Jack replied, his voice low.

"You knew… didn' ya! You knew that he saw us!"

"Yes." Jack said, finally raising his head to meet Ennis' eyes. There was pain there, and fear. Fear that this would set everything back and Ennis would close himself back up in that shell of his again.

When Ennis stayed silent, Jack continued. "'Member me tellin' you that I went back to Brokeback that next summer and went to see Aguirre 'bout a job? Well, he said that he didn't have nothing fer me, and then I asked if you had been around, he told me that we was not hir'd to leave tha dogs to baby-sit the sheep while we 'stemmed the rose' and told me to leave."

"You nev'r told me that, Jack. You told about going' there, but you didn't tell me that he knew!" Ennis sounded angry, but there was something else in his voice… shame. That was why… that was why they had been brought down early. It didn't have anything to do with the weather… it was because Aguirre had seen them and didn't want them working for him anymore. Even more... that was why K.E. had ...

"What good would it have done… if I had told ya then you would have curled up in your shell and I nev'r woulda seen you again. I nev'r thought that we would see the asshole again, so I saw no need to tell ya!"

"You saw no need to tell me… nice fer you to decide what I do and don' needta know, Jack! I think it woulda been nice to know that there was someone in town who knew b'fore I walked inta a bar full of good 'ole boys with him as the leader. Mighta made a big difference." Ennis was now pacing back and forth between the fire pit and the rock.

"Fine!" Jack said, raising his voice for the first time. "I fucked up, that what ya wanna hear… well ya gotit!" Spinning around, Jack stomped over to the tent and unzipped it so hard that he pulled both of the front pegs out of the ground. The zipper closed behind him with a loud whine.

Ennis sat back down on the rock, and listened to Jack flailing around inside the tent, his thoughts coming fast and furious.

"_**Fuckin' jackass… gettin' all mad 'bout somethin' that happened 16 damn years ago… fuck you, Ennis Del Mar, Mr. Prefect always does the right thin'… ha! Self-righteous ass! Who the hell cares what Aguirre knows… don't mean a fuckin' thing to me and should't to him neither…how inthe hell was I s'pposed to know that fuckin' asshole would be there with his goons… hell I thought the old fucker musta snuffed it years ago!**_

On and on Jack went, silently cursing at Ennis and damning Aguirre for having a big mouth.

Finally, after while he quieted down and Ennis guessed that he must have fallen asleep. Staring into the fire, Ennis ran over the events of the evening in his mind. He cringed when he thought about the look on the faces of Aguirre's goons, but when he thought back on it, none of them had even a fleeting thought about anything physical.

Sure the threat was there, but only verbally. Even after Aguirre's loud insinuation, Ennis had not heard one person thinking about tire irons. Yes, there had been some disgusted thoughts and a few, _"damn fags from tha city…"_ but not one thought about actually doing anything to them, just thoughts of making them leave.

Ennis knew that there were people out there that would beat a man if they thought he was queer, but he was starting to think that maybe Jack was right when he insisted that not everyone was like that. Yes, they faced a great deal of ridicule and bigotry should anyone find out, but maybe the tire iron wasn't as definite as he always believed.

Ennis glanced over at the now silent tent. Inside that tent was a man that Ennis had known for over half his life. Granted, they had been together a pitifully small amount of that time, but the time that they were together stuck in his mind as though that were the only thing in his life. He lived on auto pilot most of the time they were apart, only coming out when he was with his girls, but when he was with that man in there… then he knew what it was to be alive… to feel happy and whole.

The more Ennis thought about it the more he realized, now that he was able to admit how he truly felt about him, he didn't think he could deal with having to part with Jack Twist again. If anything, those feelings had grown even stronger since he had let them come out into the daylight. He wanted Jack, needed him, and if that meant taking some risks to have that feeling all the time, to be alive… well, maybe it was time for Ennis Del Mar to take a few risks!

He tried to picture his life, find something in it that kept him living it the way it was. There were of course his girls, but he didn't have to live in a tiny shack on the outskirts of town for them. He could see them from anywhere. Both of them would be off to college soon, Junior had left in September for a school out in California, and Jenny would be leaving in the spring for a school up in New England somewhere. His child support obligation would end in March when Jenny turned 18. After that… what was there to keep him living a miserable life alone in Riverton?

His mind felt too full for a moment, and he closed his eyes, blocking out the light of the fire. A face came immediately to fill the darkness, black hair, big grin, and blue eyes.

Eyes that shone with a promise… a promise that had lived there in those eyes for 20 years… a promise that he had refused to listen to, but had never wavered no matter how much pain there was there to go with it. Standing up, Ennis walked over to the tent and quietly unzipped the door. Peering in through the opening, he saw Jack laying on his side his face relaxed and peaceful. Ennis couldn't help but smile when he saw that Jack was lying in the far right of the sleeping bag and facing toward the empty part where Ennis would lay when he crawled in. Before going to sleep, Jack had turned down the open side of the sleeping bag for him.

He undressed quietly outside the tent so he wouldn't disturb Jack, put his clothes in the left corner of the tent and quietly zipped the door back up. He climbed as carefully as possible into the sleeping bag and turned so he lying on his side facing Jack. He lay there looking at him for a moment, and then leaned forward to brush his lips against Jack's.

Jack opened his eyes to a smiling Ennis. There was still anger, there, but Ennis also saw sadness, and maybe a trace of defeat.

"Jack," Ennis began, "I want ta tell you that I'm sorry fer acting like that. You had no waya knowin' we would ev'r see Aguirre again… I can see that you mighta fig'ered there was no point in tellin' me."

Jack reached out a hand and brushed back a few stray strands of hair that had fallen down onto Ennis forehead. "I couldn't stay mad at ya if I tried... you jerk…"

"I'm sorry too, Ennis. You were right, I shoulda told you about it 16 years ago, it jus nev'r pass'd my mind that there was a need fer you ta know."

"I ain't been totally innocent here neither," Ennis said, "You 'member that first time we met up after Brokeback."

"Like I could forget…" Jack snorted, "you damn near broke my nose and I want'd to toss you to the ground right then an there!"

Ennis smiled at that, and winked before he continued, "Well, a coupla years ago, Alma told me that she saw us that day."

Jack blanched and said, "She what?"

"_**Damn… that poor girl… that had to a hurt… can't 'magine how I'd feel if I saw Ennis kissin' someone else!" **_

"Yup," Ennis said, his face coloring slightly, both from the admission an from Jacks thoughts, "said she walk'd out on the landing to see what was keepin' us and saw us kissin' at the bottom of tha stairs."

"Damn!"

"Guess we haven't always been as careful as we shoulda, huh?" Ennis added, his face still a little pink.

Jack drew Ennis to him and they kissed for several moments, saying with their lips and hands everything they couldn't say with their mouths.

Finally, Ennis drew back and said in husky voice laced with desire and pride, "Know what… those guys weren't so tough… you and me, we coulda taken em easy… so fuck Aguirre and his goons!

_Jack laughed out loud and then suddenly rolled on top of Ennis and placed his hands on either side of his face, his eyes shining with mischief and full of that look that never failed to make Ennis' stomach knot and blood surge. Grinning at Ennis he swooped down and bit Ennis' ear, laughing at Ennis' yelp and pressing his hips forward so Ennis could feel his arousal, before he said, "Sure, fuck Aguirre and the whole damn town… but ya know what, Ennis Del Mar… I think I have a better idea."_

14


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Is Parting Such Sweet Sorrow?**

Jack woke up early with a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. _"Sunday,"_ he thought glumly, _"I hate Sunday."_

For most people Sunday was a day of rest, a day to go to church and get together with family and friends. For Jack, Sunday was the day that he lost Ennis. That was how he viewed it. Even though he knew that the parting was temporary, it still broke his heart a little every time he had to stand and watch Ennis' truck drive away from him.

Heaving a big sigh he sat up and glanced at Ennis' side of the tent. Empty. Ennis had been up for awhile from the looks of it, and all of his things… the bag with his clothes, the little bag he used to carry his soap and toothbrush… had been taken out of the tent.

Closing his eyes and rubbing his temples for a moment, Jack thought, _"Ok Twist… so it's a 'nother Sunday… no big deal… jus' remember everythin' that's happen'd this week. Things are differ'nt now, at least you know that he loves you. That oughta make it easier…"_

Except it didn't. On some level, Jack had known, from the second night that he and Ennis were together back in '63, that Ennis loved him. Knowing that in the back of his mind and never expecting to hear it had made it a bit easier to part from Ennis each time they were together. Now that he had heard the words… more then once as Ennis had moaned them in his ear again last night while they were making love… he found that the idea of not hearing Ennis say them… not hearing Ennis' voice at all… for several months was almost unbearable.

Struggling out of the sleeping bag, Jack pulled on his jeans and boots and tied his shirt to the handle of his duffel bag. Bare-chested, he gathered up his own things and stuffed them into the bag. Looking down at the sleeping bag, he thought about last night… how different it had been… how much more intimate.

There had always been a great deal of passion in the way they loved each other, and even after 20 years their desire for each other never seemed to wane, if anything it was stronger then ever. Jack sometimes wondered if that would be different if they were together all the time… but given how much Jack missed and longed for Ennis when they were apart, he doubted it.

"Wouldn' mind tha chance to find out…" Jack muttered, and kicked at the corner of the sleeping bag.

Heaving another sigh, he began rolling up the bag. Once it was safely tucked into the nylon carrying case, Jack opened the tent flap and stepped out into the brightening day.

He carried his duffel and the sleeping bag over and put them in the back of his truck. Shivering, he quickly pulled the shirt free and slipped into it.

Looking around he saw that Ennis had packed up a lot of their camping gear, and had placed some of Jack's things in his truck and loaded his own as well. Ennis however was nowhere to be seen, and one of the horses was gone.

"Damn," Jack said aloud, and scared a couple of birds out of a nearby bush, "woulda been nice to take one last ride together." Kicking at a rock, he walked over to the fire pit and peered into the coffeepot. It was half full, and sitting next to the pit on a flat rock was a plate, fork and a coffee cup. On the grate, pushed to the side so it wouldn't burn was a pan with two eggs, sausage and bread.

With a smile on his face at Ennis' thoughtful gesture, he poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down on a boulder with his plate.

He was just finishing his second cup of coffee when he heard the sound of horse's hooves. Turning, he watched as the horse rounded the corner along the shoreline and Ennis rode toward the camp.

He got to his feet and waved, but Ennis did not appear to see this because a few minutes later he rode into camp and seemed surprised to see him.

"Hey, Bud," Ennis said, his voice distracted, "didya eat?"

Jack pointed at his plate, and Ennis said, "Oh, good."

Jack watched as Ennis dismounted and led the horse over to a tree and tied it off

_"**What's happen'd… he's more distant an quiet then I've seen him ina while."**_

Ennis finished up with the horse, and then gathered up the dishes and pans and took them down to the creek to wash them. Seeing that Ennis was not in a talking mood, Jack decided to leave it for now, grabbed the coffeepot and his plate, and followed.

They finished packing in silence until finally there waslittle left to do except go. Jack stood leaning against his truck, hands jammed in his pocket, watching Ennis from under his hat. Ennis was standing against his own truck, staring at the ground and swallowing repeatedly, as though there were something stuck in his throat. Sighing, Jack walked over and grabbed a box that was sitting next to the cold firepit.

**"_Say something… say anything, asshole… what, are you jus' gonna wave good-bye and leave…"_**

Ennis wasn't sure at first if that thought was directed at him or if Jack was talking to himself. Finally he decided it didn't matter. He waited quietly until Jack walked over to place the last box in the back of his truck and then, while his arms were still raised, he walked up behind him, wrapped his arms around Jack's waist, and laid his chin on his shoulder.

A scene from 1963 flashed through his mind. Jack was standing in front of the fire half asleep and Ennis had come up behind him and wrapped his arms around him then as well. That time they were only saying good-bye for the night, but it had felt nearly the same way as it did now. Now, just like then, Ennis had seen Jack and something about the way he looked standing there filled him with a need to hold him. There was nothing sexual about the embrace, just a need to feel him in his arms… to reassure and confirm to both of them that they and how they felt were real and not just an amazing dream.

"Hey Bud," Ennis said softly, "we need to talk… there's somethin' I been thinkin' on an… well it concerns you as much asit does me."

_"**Shit… here it comes…"**_ Jacks thoughts were defeated and sad, **_"knew it was to good ta be true… knew somethin' bad was gonna happen… everythin' was goin' to damn good…"_**

Ennis winced at these thoughts but knew that Jack's pessimism was his fault. _"Why should he expect somethin' good when I ain't nev'r given him a reason to." _

"Jack…" Ennis began again, trying to keep his voice steady even while his insides churned and swirled with anxiety, "will ya take a walk with me? "I know ya got a long trip ahead of ya, and I don't' wanna make you leave so late as last time… but ma'be jus' for a few minutes?"

Jack nodded, and Ennis stepped back so he could turn around. The look on Jack's face when he saw it made his heart ache. There was so much sadness there, and Ennis hated that once again he was the one putting it there.

Jack started off through the camp site to the edge of the creek. Ennis followed him and suggested they walk along the shore for a bit.

They walked for a few minutes, neither saying anything, Jack waiting and thinking,

**"_Jus' say it Ennis… stop tortur'ing me and say whatcha gonna say."_**

Taking a deep breath to steel himself, Ennis did something he had never done...not once. In all the years they had been meeting, in all the times in nearly 20 years they had walked together… he reached out and took Jack's hand. Out of the corner of his eye he watched Jack's face. Neither said anything and they both continued walking, their hands linked between them, but Ennis saw the smile that played across Jack's mouth and couldn't help but smile himself.

After they had been walking for a while, they came to a cluster of boulders that blocked the shore from view. Tugging on Jack's hand, he led him in amongst them. In the center there were several smaller boulders. Ennis led Jack to these boulders and motioned for him to sit before sitting down himself opposite him.

**"_What the hell…?"_** Jack thought, and pushed his hat back to scratch his head.

"Jack," Ennis began, a little hitch in his voice that stayed throughout his prepared speech.

"This mornin' I went for a ride to think. While I was out there, I dida lot of thinkin' bout us and all that's gone on this week. Don' know bout you, but I think we've had us a damn good week overall. A few rough spots a'course…" he said, thinking about the scene with Aguirre and raising his hand to touch the place on his forehead where he had been kicked… "but overall a real good week, doncha think?"

Jack nodded and said, "Sure 'nough'."

Satisfied with that answer, Ennis continued, "Well, what I was thinkin' is…" he hesitated and swallowed hard before saying, "ma'be I ain't ready fer it to end jus yet."

Jack's eyes flew to meet his, and Ennis saw in their depths doubt, hope, confusion, and a wealth of so many emotions that he could never begin to cipher them all out

"What are you sayin' Ennis?" Jack choked the words out of his constricted throat.

**"_Don't' get ex'ited Twist, he aint's sayin' what you're thinkin'… couldn'be… you been wanting and dreaming on the idea fer so long you convinced yerself that was what he's sayin' but it ain't."_**

"What I jus said… I ain't ready for this… for us… to end yet." Ennis said this through closed lips, his head lowered to hide the fiery red embarrassment that was clear on his face.

"Do you mean that you… we… are you sayin' what I think you're sayin', Ennis Del Mar?"

"Jack, a long time ago you talk'd to me 'bout havin' our own place… 'member that?"

"'Course I do… was the first time I saw ya in four years, I'll nev'r forget that time long as I live."

Ennis smiled a bit at the memory and then he continued, "Well… I was thinkin'... if ya still think ya might wanna, an think ya can put up with me an my ways… I think I might jus want a piece'a that sweet life ya mentioned back then, if you still want it with me..." Ennis voice trailed off, and he swallowed loudly, his eyes glued to his boots.

After several moments of silence, Ennis raised his head to look at Jack who had not made a peep. Jack was sitting on the rock, still as a statue, the color gone from his face and replaced by a mask of shock.

Concerned, Ennis touched Jack's arm, "Bud… you ok?"

Suddenly, the color returned to Jack's face in a flood and letting out a loud whoop, with eyes wide and wild he jumped up and lunged at Ennis, knocking him off balance and sending them both tumbling to the ground.

"Hey! Ennis yelled and put his arms out to catch himself.

Then Jack was hugging him so hard that he was afraid his ribs would crack… his spread open arms came together behind Jack's back and he couldn't imagine any place better to be at that moment then right there where he was…with Jack.

"This can't be happenin'… I must be dreamin'… please don' letme be dreamin'… if I am please don' nev'r letme wake up… I swear, Ennis… I swear to you that I will do ev'ry thin' I can to make you happy… you won't nev'r regret this…" Jack was babbling disjointedly against Ennis' chest, and he could feel his shirt getting wet with Jack's tears.

_"At least they're happy tears this time…"_ Ennis thought, and felt tears of his own well up at the happy sound of Jack's voice… _"and I swear to you Jack that I will do ev'ry thin' I can ta make up to you fer the last 20 years…an' you won't nev'r regret it neither."_

"Damn… I alre'dy regret it… I think ya broke my damn back!" Ennis complained and pushed lightly at Jack's shoulders to make him ease up on his grip a bit. His voice was gruff and cross sounding, but he was smiling fondly at Jack who recognized the tone of his voice and knew that what he was really doing was trying not to cry.

"Jack… Jack… hey cut it out…" Ennis said, and swatted at Jack's hands that were trying to unbutton his shirt, "this ain't the place… besides… there're still a few things we need ta talk about."

This brought Jack up short, and he dropped his hands to the ground and pushed himself off of Ennis. As soon as Ennis felt Jack's weight leaving him, he wanted to pull him back and wrestled with that part of himself that immediately made his heart race each time Jack touched him or looked at him that certain way. Finally, rationality won out, and Ennis pushed himself to his feet making a big show of scowling at Jackwhile brushing thedirt off his jeans and hat.

**"_Scowl, all ya want Cowboy… I see that twinkle in yer eye… can't fool me none."_**

Ennis stifled a growl, and forced himself to remember what he still needed to say.

"Jack, there're still a few thing's that need ta be done b'fore we can do this… ya know that don'cha?" Jack's smiling face sobered at this, and he wiped the last of his tears on his sleeve.

"Right, so… what are we gonna do now?" Jack asked as he brushed himself off and retrieved his hat from behind a boulder.

"I am gonna go back to Riverton," Ennis began, and then put his hand up to stop Jack as he began to protest, "No, Jack… this is how it hasta be! I still got an obligation to Alma 'til Jenny is 18, an I aim to keep that obligation. You need to go back to Texas and decide what ta do bout Lureen and yer boy. If we're gonna do this thing, then we needta do it right. We can't go runnin' off without thinkin' it through real good first. 'Nother thing… where are we gonna go? I know ya mentioned yer folks ranch once or twice, but I ain't so sure that's a good idea."

Jack swallowed his protests, and had to admit that Ennis had a point, they had to plan this thing, and that took time. He couldn't see his daddy taking kindly to them moving up there either. The best thing for them to do was to go back to their respective homes and start preparing for the day when they would finally be together.

_"…**but damn I hate it when he's right…"**_

"Alright, I know you're right, Ennis. I don' like it, I won' lie to ya bout that, but I know you're right." Jack said.

"So what I am thinkin' is this… Jenny will be 18 in March, and she will be leavin' for college in May for the summer session. After she leaves there won't be nothin' keepin' me in Riverton. That gives us, 6 months to do all we need ta do."

"6 months," Jack mumbled. "6 months… damn."

"Yup," Ennis said, and reached out to pull Jack to him, "6 months and then we'll be togeth'r… jus' like you always wanted."

_"**That I like the sound of…"**_

"Alright, Cowboy, 6 months… that's all ya get… and then I aim to come to Riverton and drag ya off an nev'r let ya outta my sight again!"

Ennis smiled, whispered, "You got a deal, Darlin'" and leaned in for a kiss. When they pulled away from each other, both were breathing just a little faster and feeling a bit warm.

7


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Loose Ends Tied**

Ennis returned to work Monday morning with more energy then he had felt in years. It was strange really. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't seem to remember a time, other then when his girls were born, that he had felt this happy to be alive.

Most of his life, Ennis Del Mar had lived only for the day he was in. Coming from a poor background, he was accustomed to scraping by and having to scrounge around to make ends meet. Because of this, he had rarely allowed himself to think about what may come tomorrow… never daring to dream about the future.

There had only been one time in his life when tomorrow had been something he wanted to think on… that had been 1963, when he met, worked with, and fell in love with a man named Jack Twist. During that summer, he had spent a lot of time thinking about tomorrows…daring to dream about tomorrows. Not distant, next year type tomorrows… immediate next day tomorrows. During the years since then, he had fallen back into his habit of only thinking about the day he was in, sometimes, when he got to missing and longing for Jack, that was the only thing that kept him going.

Now, as he lifted bales of hay and tossed them down from the loft and into a hand cart, his thoughts were on those distant next year tomorrows, and the fact that Jack Twist was once again the cause of his daring to dream brought a smile to his face.

Their parting the day before had been hard, but not nearly as hard as in times past. This time, both men knew that they were parting so they could be together, rather then because they couldn't. One thing in particular about their last few minutes together stuck out in Ennis' mind as a defining moment for him. After their conversation by the boulders, they had made their way slowly back to the trucks. Ennis had taken Jack's hand in his again for the walk back, and was amazed by how natural it felt to do so, and how well their hands molded and fit together. _"Like they were made fer each other?"_ Ennis thought and then laughed inwardly at himself… _"Damn, Mar… yer becomin' a regul'r poet… this love stuff does funny thin's to the way a man thinks!"_ Del When they reached the shoreline in front what had been their camp many times over the years, Jack stopped and stood looking out over the water at the mountains in the distance.

**_"This place is really beautiful… why didn' I ev'r notice it before?"_** Jack glanced at Ennis out of the corner of his eye, **_"'cause you had bett'r thing's to look at… that's why!" _**

Ennis felt himself blushing at this thought from Jack, and quickly turned his head to the right a bit so that Jack wouldn't notice. Truth was, he had noticed the view, and he was ashamed to admit that the reason for that was because he had had to at it... he had tried not to look at Jack too much when they were together.

By not looking, he avoided that flip-flop in his belly whenever he laid eyes on Jack, and that flip-flop went a long ways toward disproving Ennis' insistence that this thing with Jack was just physical satisfaction. Now, he decided that he liked the view right here in front of him a lot better the then one across the water.

They stood there silently for several moments… hands linked… Jack looking out across the water at Brokeback Mountain as it loomed over them and everything around them. Ennis gazed unabashedly at Jack…his eyes full of love, hope, and happiness… feelings that he had once feared he would never know. For the first time Ennis fully appreciated  
Brokeback and the gift it had given him.

For over 16 years, he had forced Jack to meet him here and other places around here. He had wanted to deny his feelings by hiding in the shadow of the mountain, but he had also harbored some blind belief that they were returning to Brokeback because Brokeback was where happiness lay.

Now he finally realized that, for him, Brokeback was not a place, it was not a mountain, it was… Jack. "Ennis…" Jack said suddenly his voice contemplative, "do ya suppose we'll ev'r come here again… I mean once we have our own place, we won't really need ta… right?"

Ennis gave this a bit of thought and finally replied, "If we do, it won't be cause we have to… it'll be cause we want to." Jack smiled at this, and Ennis squeezed his hand and said, "Well, Darlin', we ready to get on outta here and get started toward our future?"

_**"'Our' future… yup… like the sounda that!" **_

"Sure enough…" Jack replied and started toward the trucks…saying over his shoulder "Comeon, Ennis, pick it up… time's a'wastin'…" Sighing, Ennis said with wealth of fondness in his voice, "Jack Fuckin' Twist!" and followed him. Suddenly, Ennis heard a shout from below and jolted out of his memories and back to the barn. When he looked down from the loft he saw O'Grady laying on the floor covered in hay from the bale that Ennis had just dropped which had apparently landed on O'Grady and burst open.  
"Goddamn, fuckin' idiot is tryin' ta kill me!" Ennis heard, and bit his tongue, fighting back a response because he knew that O'Grady had not spoken aloud.

"Del Mar!" O'Grady roared as he rose to his feet and brushed the hay from his shirt and jeans. "Sir…?" Ennis said, trying hard not to laugh at the sight of O'Grady with hay sticking up all over his head.

"Watch what yer doin' boy… damn near kilt me there…" O'Grady snarled and stalked off still brushing at his clothes and muttering to himself. After he was out of earshot, Ennis chuckled for a few minutes before he threw the last few bales of hay down and climbed from the loft. The remainder of the day passed quickly. Ennis' mind was not on his work, but he managed to finish without any further mishaps.

After work, he drove home to clean up, and then drove over to the diner. He had a date with Cassie. He was dreading meeting her because he planned to break things off with her that night, and he knew she was going to be hurt. Everything went all right at first, Cassie seemed to understand, and though she didn't like it, she said she was glad he hadn't let things drag out. Her thought's were pain filled, and he cringed that he was the cause of it, but she carried herself like a lady, and Ennis knew that she would be alright. When she had finished her coffee, she gathered her purse and stood to leave. "Goodbye, Ennis Del Mar. I sure hope ya find what ya looking fer." Patting him on the arm, she turned to leave.

Suddenly she turned back her eyes narrowed slightly as though a thought had just occured to her and said, "Answer me this, Ennis. Didya really go fishin' last week?"

"I went away fer a few days," Ennis said trying to sound normal. Something in his voice must have given him away because she narrowed her eyes further and said, "but ya didn' do much fishin' didya?"

"Cassie…it ain't…" Ennis began, feeling his face start to heat up.

"Never mind Ennis… ain't nonea my business no more anyway." She said and walked away, her head held high. Ennis cursed aloud, and then lowered his head when he saw the stares of the other customers in the diner. Fishing in his wallet for money to pay the tab, Ennis came across a slip of paper. Jack had pressed it into his hand as they parted yesterday. Ennis looked down at the phone number scribbled there in Jack's messy handwriting.

"Use it whenever," Jack had said, "Lureen nev'r answ'rs the phone… would let it ring forev'r if noone else answered it."

"Jack, I ain't got…" Ennis began protesting, and tried to give the paper back but Jack refused to take it.

"I know… but take it anyway… jus' in case."

Now Ennis stared at the numbers and thought about calling Jack. They had talked on the phone only once. Ennis had called after his divorce and had been sorry afterward because Jack had gotten the wrong idea about the call. Now, he thought that hearing Jack's voice would be nice.

"Get 'hold a yerself, Del Mar. Only been one day fer Christ sake. No good ta start pining yet!"

He told himself this all the way to the phone booth, and repeated it again while he put coins in the slot and dialed the numbers. He almost hung up after the first ring, but just as he was taking the phone from his ear, the phone was picked up on the other end.

"Twist residence."

Ennis stood there for a minute unable to say anything. He hadn't realized how much he really wanted to hear Jack's voice until he heard it over the line.

"Anybody there…?" Jack's voice came again, "Hullo…?" He sounded irritated now, and Ennis could hear him thinking _**"Damn kids and the'r pranks…"**_

"If ya ain't got nothin' to say I'm gonna…"

Suddenly Ennis was desperate to talk to Jack and he forced himself to speak, "Jack…" he croaked, his throat dry.

"Ennis?" Jack said, surprise evident in his voice.

"Hey, Jack" Ennis said, his voice stronger now.

"Ennis!" This time he could hear the smile in Jack's voice and suddenly he was very glad he had called.

"I didn' think you would call… I hoped ma'be… but I didn't think ya would." His voice sounded strange, choked up almost.

"You ok, Bud?" Ennis asked, and heard Jack chuckle on the other end.

"I ain't been this ok fer a long time… jus' struck me funny that's all.

Here I was, sittin' and thinkin' 'bout ya and wonderin' what you was doing, and then the phone rings and it's you!" Jack chuckled again.

"Jack..." Ennis said, feeling choked up himself, "I called ta tell ya…" his voice cracked a bit and he stopped.

"Tell me what...?" Jack asked, and Ennis could hear his concern, _**"Shit! Please don' t tell me ya changed yer mind...!" **_

"Jus' wanted to tell ya… I miss ya, Jack." Ennis felt one tear trail down his cheek, and he looked around quickly before swiping it away with his hand.

"Ennis…" Jack whispered in that special way he had that made Ennis' knees weak… that sounded like a breathy intimate caress… that made Ennis feel as warm and safe as he did when Jack held him in his arms, "I miss you too, Cowboy."

Suddenly the operator broke in demanding more money. Ennis groaned and cursed, he had used all his change to make the call. "I don' have no more change, Bud." Ennis said sadly, "I gotta go…"

"Wait…Ennis…"

_**"I love you…" **_

"I know, Jack… me too…" Ennis said and then the line went dead in his hand.

He stood there for a few minutes, holding the receiver to his ear as though Jack might suddenly come back on the line. Finally, he realized that he was cold standing there in the phone booth, and he hung up the receiver and walked back to his truck. Ennis drove home slowly, Jack's voice still ringing in his ears and that warm feeling still wrapped around him. At home, he crawled into his bed and lay looking at the ceiling for a while, thinking about Jack and wishing he were there. Finally, he rolled on his left side the way he would if Jack were there with him, rubbed his hand across the flat empty bed and closing his eyes he whispered, "Good-night, Jack."

950 miles away, Jack rolled onto his right side, hugged his pillow close to him, and whispered, "Good-night, Ennis."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next few weeks went by in much the same way. Ennis worked each day, and spent his evenings either spending time with Jenny, or thinking about Jack. He spent very little of the money he earned, putting most of it away for May.

One day, about two weeks before Christmas, Ennis was in the general store looking through a rack of books for a gift for Jenny when he spotted a rack of cards. On the rack, about halfway down was a card with a picture of two men riding horses across what looked like a snow-covered mountain prairie. Ennis plucked the card out of the rack and looked at the picture. _"This could be me and Jack..."_ He thought.

Without letting himself think about it, he walked to the counter and bought the card.  
Once out on the street, Ennis looked at the bag in his hand and muttered, "Whatcha gonna do with it now, dumbass?" Straightening his shoulders he made a decision and marched down the street to he post office and went in. Standing at the counter, he thought for a few minutes before he quickly scribbled a message in the card,

_Jack, _

_  
Hope yer holidays go good. _

_Ennis _

He closed the card and put it in the envelope. Just as he was raising the envelope to his tongue to seal it, an image of Jack's face flashed in front of him, looking the way he had the morning that Ennis told him he loved him for the first time. A swell of feeling rose up in his chest and impulsively he pulled the card back out of the envelope and wrote, "Love ya" above his name then quickly sealed the envelope and dropped it into the mail slot before he could change his mind.

Walking out of the post office, he was so lost in his thoughts of Jack's surprise when he got that card, that he didn't even notice the odd looks he got from passers by as he walked along whistling a tune and grinning.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The holidays passed in a blur, with Ennis spending Thanksgiving and Christmas at Alma and Monroe's with Jenny and Junior, who was home from college.

He and Jack had fallen into a pattern. Twice a week, Ennis called Jack letting the phone ring twice, and then hung up. Jack would immediately call him back and they would talk for a few minutes. Few actual plans could be discussed over the phone, but it made both of them feel better to just hear each other's voice.

They began to write letters to each other. Most of the letters were short, just a few paragraphs detailing plans or ideas for May. During January and February, Jack sent many, detailed letters outlining a plan he had to purchase a piece of land in Fort Collins, Colorado.

He had a business acquaintance there that told him about several properties that just outside of the city that were for sale, and Jack had placed a bid for one of them. The economy there was strong, and the population large. Their chances of being able to make a go of it there  
looked good.

One day in March, shortly after Jenny's eighteenth birthday, Ennis received a large yellow envelope from Jack. Inside the envelope was a copy of Jack's divorce papers and a note.

The note was brief.

_  
Ennis, _

_I'm sending you these cause I want ya to know that I am now free and ready ta start our life together. _

_  
Love and Miss Ya, _

_  
Jack _

_  
_Part of Ennis felt happy about this, but there was also a part that felt scared. There was no turning back now… they were really going to go through with this. Although that was what Ennis wanted, there was still a part of him that dreamt about men with tire irons… visions of Joe Aguirre and his goons swam through his mind at odd times, and he had a hard time shaking the fear that it would be Jack they would target. Why he thought this he did not know… he only knew that the thought left him in a cold sweat and kept him awake at night with fear for Jack's safety. He would not rest easy again until he and Jack were together and he could hold Jack in his arms and know that he was safe.

A few days after he received the divorce papers, during one of there phone calls, Jack informed Ennis that he was moving into a rooming house on the outskirts of Childress. He gave Ennis his new phone number and address. He didn't go into details about how things had happened with Lureen, and Ennis didn't ask. There would be plenty of time to get details later.

_  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _

_  
_The last week of April loomed in front of him before Ennis finally worked up the courage to talk to Alma. He needed to tell her that he was moving, but he wasn't sure how to go about it.

One night, after work, Ennis drove over to Alma and Monroe's house. He parked the truck on the street, and looked up at the house for a minute. He was not looking forward to this conversation. Although he had no plans to mention Jack, he knew that Alma was not a stupid woman, Alma knew about him and Jack…. it would not take her long to put the pieces together. That was not a confrontation he cared to have again. His hesitation was cut short when the front door of the house suddenly opened, and he saw Alma looking out at him curiously.

Climbing out of the truck, he started up the walk. Alma did not look pleased to see him, but when she spoke her voice sounded civil enough, "Ennis, Jenny ain't here. She's gone to the diner with some friends and won' be back for bout an hour."

"That's ok Alma, I wan'd ta talk to ya anyway." Ennis said as he stepped onto the stoop and stood there with his hat in his hand.

Alma stiffened,_**"What do you want, I got nothin' to say to you, Ennis…"**_

"Come in then." Alma said, and stepped aside to let him through. She motioned to the kitchen table and then went to the counter to pour them each a cup of coffee.  
Ennis went and sat, and waited until Alma was sitting across from him before he spoke.

"What is it ya need to talk to me about, Ennis?" Alma asked once she was seated.

"Well… Alma. Jenny is eighteen now, so my obligation for support is done. Jenny and Juinor are both goin' off ta college and won' be here much anymore…"

"I know all this, Ennis," Alma interrupted in an irritable voice, "why the need ta go ov'r it?"

"Well… with the girls gone, there ain't really anythin' keeping me here no more. I been thinking 'bout movin', up to Colorado maybe and tryin' to start my own spread." Ennis felt as though he had been holding his breath for the last 5 months, holding this in and struggling with it, but now that the words were out there in the open and there was no  
taking them back, he suddenly felt able to breathe again.

"I see," Alma said, "Colorado huh? What made ya choose…"

Suddenly she stopped mid-sentence and her eyes widened and flew to his.

"It's him ain't it? He's in Colorado ain't he… that's why you're movin, ain't it?" As she spoke her voice rose in pitch and volume until she was almost screeching at him.

"Alma…" Ennis began, trying to keep his voice even… "the reason I'm  
movin' ain't import'nt…"

"Not import'nt…" Alma interrupted again; this time her voice had a manic quality about it that scared Ennis a little. "How can you say it ain't import'nt… how do you expect yer girls or me ta show our faces in town again when people find out that ya run off to be with anoth'r man?"

_  
__**"Damn you to hell Jack Twist… if you had jus' stayed away thin's would have been fine! He was happy 'nough with me until ya showed up and cast yer nasty spell on 'em!" **_

_  
_"Alma…" Ennis said angrily, his patience at an end. "Ain't one person in this town I care whether they know why I'm leavin'. If ya want'a go an shout it from the top'o the church, well ya jus' go on ahead an do it. Jenny will be leavin' fer college in two weeks, and I aim to be outta here the next day."

"This is his fault… alla this is his fault… you weren' nev'r like this til ya met… that man…" she spat these last words out as though they left a nasty taste in her mouth.

"Careful, Alma…" Ennis said, his voice low but with a vein of steel in it.

"Careful… doncha tell me ta be careful in my own home, Ennis Del Mar. That man ain't nothin' but a nasty queer who…"

_  
_Ennis stood up abruptly knocking his chair over with a bang, placing both hands on the table he leaned toward Alma and ground out in a voice that would have scared even the most stalwart of men. "You listen here Alma Beers, and hear me well… that is the man I love yer talkin' bout, and I won't have it! You say anythin' ya want about me, I don' care, but don' you ever let me hear you bad mouth Jack again."

Alma recoiled at this, and turned her face away for a minute. When she turned back, Ennis could see that all color had drained from her face, and she had tears on her cheeks. She struggled with herself for a moment,_**"Love… that's not possible… they're both men… but…"**_before she said in a low voice, "You love him?"

"Yes, Alma, I do. I made 'em wait fer twenty years 'fore I told him, and no matter what anyone says, I'm not gonna turn my back on 'im… he's found us a chance to be together, and I'm aim ta take it." Ennis' voice was back to normal, with a trace of sadness mixed in because he knew that he was hurting her again by admitting it had been Jack he loved all along, and never her.

"I see," Alma said, regaining her composure, "I didn' realize… I always thought…"

"_**I always thought it was only bout sinful, sex wants… didn't know…" **_

"Alma, none of this matters anymore does it? You an Monroe, you have a good life. It's all in the past ain't it… let's leave it there, ok."

"Alright, Ennis." Alma said. Her voice was still full of hurt, and Ennis sighed because he knew that she was gonna cry over this again before she let it go.

"I'm gonna get now, you'll tell Juinor I'm moving?" Alma nodded and he added, "I'll pick Jenny up on Sunday an take her to dinner... tell her then.", again Alma nodded still not saying anything. Taking a deep breath, Ennis added, "I would 'preciate it if ya let me tell them bout…" it was on the tip of his tongue to say 'the other stuff', but somewhere in the back of his mind a picture of Jack flashed and instead he said, "bout Jack."

"Alright, Ennis," she said at last breaking her silence," will ya come ov'r again afore ya go?"

Ennis was surprised by this question, and look down at Alma's face.

She was smiling… Alma had not smiled at him for a very long time, and Ennis had almost forgotten what a pretty smile she had. "I'll stop by the day Jenny leaves,' to say good-bye 'fore ya take her ta the airport."

"Ok, Ennis, we'll see ya then."

Ennis started down the stairs, but stopped when Alma suddenly said his name. Turning he looked back at his ex-wife. He hadn't loved her, not the way a person should be loved by another and for that he would always be sorry. Now as he looked at her standing in the doorway of the home she shared with her husband, Ennis fully appreciated Alma for the woman she was… strong, brave, and full of love… and he felt blessed to have been with her even for a short time.

"Ennis…" she said again, a catch in her voice before she straightened up, and said in her strong clear voice, "I hope that you will be happy." then she closed the door.

Ennis walked away feeling lighter, as though a large load had been lifted from him. He had made his peace with Alma; he knew that she was on her way to healing from the pain he had caused her. Now, he was free… free to start his new life with Jack. This thought brought a smile to his face as he drove away.

11


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Unraveling Knots**

When Jack drove away from Pine Creek, he felt happier then he had in 16 years. The last time he had felt this kind of elation was the day that he and Ennis were reunited after their 4 year separation. The tingle of happiness that resided deep in his belly spread through his body until every part of him felt alive and electric.

It wasn't until he crossed through into Colorado that he began thinking about what this really meant. For 16 long, lonely years Jack had pined and longed for Ennis more then he could ever tell him. For so long he had lived with a constant pain in his heart that would not go away. He had tried everything he could think of to ease it. He had gone to Mexico... he had had a fling with Randall… anything to seek solace, even for a short time, and each time he had come away hurting even more.

When he had left for Pine Creek a week ago, he decided that he had had enough. He could not go on with things the way they were. He hated himself and everything about his life. He wanted things that he knew he would never have as long as things continued the way they had been. On the drive there, Jack had hatched a plan. He was going to, finally, do what he had wanted to do ever since the first night that he and Ennis made love… he was finally going to tell Ennis Del Mar that he loved him. His hope was that Ennis would realize his own feelings if he was to hear Jack's and maybe that would sway him.

Jack's plan had worked, although he was not sure how it had. Somehow, Ennis had seemed different, softer, and more affectionate then he had been in years. It had been Ennis that had told him he was "pretty fond of" him before Jack even got to say a thing. This had come completely out of the blue, and he had to admit that it had taken him by surprise. Jack worried that the kick to the head that Ennis had sustained, though minor and not much more then a grazing, had really done some damage. Why else would Ennis be acting so strangely.

Though physically he had never been very good at hiding his attraction for Jack, Ennis had never been one to show much verbal affection. He had on occasion called him Darlin' or Lil' Darlin' but that was a very rare occurrence. For him to come right out and say something as obviously affectionate as "I'm pretty fond of you", that was not something that Jack had ever expected to see, and the fact that he had actually said he loved him… more then once… well it still made Jack dizzy to think of it. If someone had asked him if he thought EnnisDel Mar would ever say the word "love" in the same sentence as Jack's name, he would have laughed til he was hoarse.

Equally as surprising was Ennis' forceful and aggressive behavior when making love. Somehow, Jack had always seemed to be the one that led things along in that regard. Not that Ennis was selfish or submissive, he had always been a passionate and generous lover… it was more that he was apt to be timid about trying new things, and never really showed initiative to experiment. His sudden desire to do those things that he had been reluctant to do before had thrown Jack, and he wasn't sure he understood even now what had brought about the change.

However, the biggest surprise of all had come when Ennis… the man that had, for years, been the object of so much pain and frustration with his stubborn refusal even listen when Jack mentioned them being together… had turned to him and asked him to make the very commitment that he himself had been rejecting all that time… to have the life that Jack wanted and felt they deserved.

Jack wasn't sure what had happened to Ennis when that horse kicked him, but whatever it was, Jack liked it and hoped it would stay.

Now, as he drove on into the night, he grudgingly admitted that Ennis had been right to insist that they take these 6 months. There was a lot to do, and 6 months… while it sounded long when thinking that he would not see Ennis for that long, and that there was that chance that Ennis might change his mind with that much time to think on it… was not really a great deal of time to put his life in enough order that he could leave Texas and not look back.

He arrived in Childress in the very early hours of the morning, and, not wanting to wake Lureen, curled up on the couch in the living room and slept. In his dreams was a man with sandy blonde hair, deep brown eyes, and soft pink lips curved into a wide smile just... for him.

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The night after Jack arrived home found him sitting in the den, his feet up on the edge of the desk, a glass of whiskey in his hand, and his head leaned back. His eyes were closed, and he was thinking about Ennis. "What is he doin' now… is he sleepin'… or ma'be eatin' dinner…? I wonder… does he miss me when we ain't together...? Does he ever just sit and think on me the way I think 'bout him?".

The phone on the desk in front of him rang suddenly, jolting him from his burgeoning fantasy and causing him to almost drop his glass. "Shit!" he muttered, and wiped a splash of whiskey on his pant leg before he swung his legs down to the floor, and grabbed the receiver.

"Twist residence..." nothing... just dead air and maybe a bit of a gasp, though Jack wasn't sure. "Anybody there…?"...silence..."Hullo?", still nothing, although Jack could swear he could hear someone breathing harshly on the other end. "Damn kids and the'r pranks…" he thought, beginning to get ticked at these brats for interrupting his thoughts of Ennis.

"If ya ain't got nothin' to say I'm gonna…"

"Jack..." a voice suddenly croaked on the other end, and Jack's mouth snapped shut.

""Ennis?" Jack heard the suprise and disbelief in his own voice.

"Hey, Jack" Jack heard, the voice stronger now.

"Ennis!" He couldn't keep the big grin off his face, and felt his stomach flip over.

"I didn' think you would call… I hoped ma'be… but I didn't think ya would." He felt tears prick at his eyes, and his voice came out sounding all choked up, almost a sob.

"You ok, Bud?" Ennis asked, and Jack couldn't control the chuckle that escaped his throat. He wanted to dance and jump around like a 5 year old on Christmas morning screaming, 'Ennis called me!'

"I ain't been this ok fer a long time… jus' struck me funny that's all. Here I was, sittin' and thinkin' 'bout ya and wonderin' what you was doing, and then the phone rings and it's you!" Jack chuckled again.

"Jack..." Ennis said, his voice sounding a bit strained, "I called ta tell ya…" then he stopped.

"Tell me what...?" Jack asked, feeling his stomach plummet and the smile quickly disappear from his face. His worst fear flashed through his mind, and he felt ill. He was petrified that Ennis would get back to Riverton and change his mind… decide he had made a mistake… spoken in the heat of the moment and now regretted it."Shit! Please don' t tell me ya changed yer mind...!"

"Jus' wanted to tell ya… I miss ya, Jack."

The tears that had been prickling at his eyes suddenly became pools on his bottom eyelids when he heard the longing tone in Ennis' voice, and he had to take in a deep breath before he spoke.

"Ennis…" he whispered, his heart filled with so much love for this amazing man...this man that never seemed to stop surprising him..."I miss you too, Cowboy".

Suddenly, he wanted to be with Ennis so bad that he was not sure he could stand it. His arms ached to hold him, and he found that he couldn't breathe through the aching lump in his throat. The tears in his eyes threatened to fall, but the horror of having to explain anything to Bobby or Lureen if they came in and found him bawling like a baby made him take a deep breath, push down the emotions that began to bubble up inside him, and fight to keep the tears back.

Suddenly the operator broke in demanding more money and Jack heard Ennis groaning and cursing on the other end.

"I don' have no more change, Bud." Ennis said sadly, "I gotta go…"

"Wait…Ennis…" Jack said desperately, the urge... the need... to tell Ennis how he felt so strong that he thought he would burst, "I love you…"

Somehow, Ennis must have known what he was thinking because before Jack could say it, Ennis said, "I know, Jack… me too." before the line went dead.

When he hung up the phone Jack felt happy and sad all at once. Happy because he finally knew without any doubt that Ennis loved him and did in fact think about him when they were apart, and sad because he wanted nothing more then to hold Ennis in his arms at that moment and he was 1,000 miles away.

Feeling strangely light and detached, he went down the hall to his bedroom, got undressed and climbed into bed. Giving it little thought, he rolled onto his right side the way he would if Ennis were there waiting to cuddle up with him. Closing his eyes, he whispered, "Good-night, Ennis."

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After that night, the days got easier to bear, and Jack, finally convinced that it was really going to happen... that he and Ennis were really going to be together...began making plans in earnest.

Of course, not long after, the holiday season began, and the house was its usual horrible turmoil, as Jack had to put up with Lureen's parents being there all the time.

The only thing that kept Jack going was the now regular phone calls and letters from Ennis, and the sure and certain knowledge that in just a few months he would be somewhere else, and would never have to see L.D. Newsome or put up with his insults and snide comments again, nor would he have to spend another sleepless night with his arms empty and his heart aching for Ennis.

A week before Christmas, Jack went to the mailbox to check the mail. He was expecting a letter from a man in Colorado that he had done business with in the past and whom should be sending him an answer regarding some things Jack had written to inquire about.

He pulled out the stack of mail and started up the walk to the house. He immediately found a rather thick manila envelope from Colorado, and tucked it under his arm to open later in private. Flipping through the rest of the envelopes, he suddenly stopped dead in the middle of the path. In amongst the other envelopes that obviously contained the usual holiday cards from customers and friends, was a large white envelope with his name on it...in that familiar slightly messy hand.

Fighting back an urge to run into the house, Jack tucked this under his arm as well, and carried the rest of the mail into the house. Dumping the stack in the basket that they kept their mail in, Jack walked quickly into Lureen's office.

"I'm goin' to the store... need anythin'?" He asked. Without even raising her eyes from the ledger on the desk in front of her she said, "List's on the counter."

"'K..." Jack said, and backed out of the room. Almost sprinting, he went out and got into his truck. Pulling quickly out of the drive, he drove around the corner and parked on the side of the road under a big Magnolia tree. Setting the thick envelope aside, he picked up the white envelope and looked at it for a moment.

He wasn't expecting a letter from Ennis for another couple of days. One thing that Jack had learned about Ennis. You could set your watch by him, and mark the days of the week as well. Having decided that Saturday and Sunday were bad days for calls and letters... Lureen and Bobby were home on the weekends and often Lureen would get the mail or Bobby would answer the phone... they had decided to do their communicating during the week while Lureen was at the office and Bobby was at football practice.

Every Monday and Friday, the phone would ring at exactly 7:30 p.m. They had agreed on this time because it made it so Ennis could call on his way home from the ranch and save himself an extra trip to town. The phone would ring twice, cutting off halfway through the second ring, and Jack would call back, Ennis answering before the first ring finished. He always answered the phone the same way, "Hey, Darlin'" and Jack always smiled and felt his heart leap at the endearment.

The other thing that Jack could count on precisely was that every Tuesday and Thursday, without fail there was a letter in the mailbox from Ennis. Sometimes they amounted to little more then a few sentences, but the fact that he was taking the time and effort to write and mail them was enough to thrill Jack, even if they had been only one word.

Curious about this change in pattern, Jack hesitated to open the envelope. He had long since stopped worrying about Ennis changing his mind. He was far to interested in Jack's plans, and made too many suggestions and asked too many questions for Jack to believe that he was having second thoughts.

_"Well, asshole... open the damn thin' and find out what it is... doubt it's a snake!" _Jack thought, and shook his head. Carefully he ran his finger under the flap and opened the envelope. Pulling out the card, Jack smiled at the picture on the front. _"Wow... this could be me and Ennis..."_ he thought, and ran his finger across the cowboy on the left, who appeared to have sandy blonde hair.

Opening the card, Jack gasped and smiled even wider when he read the message inside. _"A Christmas card... a real, honest to God Christmas card... from Ennis Del Mar... an sign'd 'Love ya, Ennis.' I can't believe it!" _

"Damn... ya jus' nev'r stop surprisin' me, Cowboy!" Jack said, and laughed aloud.

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L.D. Newsome hated his son in law; he made no bones about that. From the first time his little girl had brought Jack Twist home, he had known there was something 'not right' about him. He had tried to convince Lureen not to marry him, but she had been set on it and despite his wishes, Twist had become a member of their family… though L.D. had made it very clear to him that it mattered little who Jack was married to or how many children he fathered with her, he would never be part of his family.

On several occasions, L.D. had hinted at the fact that he would be willing to pay a pretty large amount of money if Jack were to 'disappear' from his and his daughter's life. Each time the little shit had laughed in his face. Finally, L.D. had been forced to accept the face that the rodeo fuck-up was in his life to stay, and if he wanted to remain in good with his daughter, he would have to learn to live with that, no matter how repulsive the thought might be to him.

The last couple of weeks, every since the little pissant had come back from his latest fishing trip, he had been different. Happier, less downtrodden and more quick to smile. Something was up with him, and L.D. didn't like it one bit. If there was anything that he hated more then Jack, was Jack happy.

Now he watched silently as Jack delivered his sales pitch for a new model they had received the day before. He approached the combine quietly, listening to Jack extol the virtues of this new model to the bored looking men clustered around him. Grudgingly, L.D. had to admit that Jack had picked up a few things from him over the years and seemed to know the equipment pretty well.

He waited until Jack had finished, and the men had walked away… two heading for their trucks and the other two heading inside to begin the paperwork for their purchase. Once they were out of earshot, L.D. stepped out from behind the combine, and said in a sarcastic voice, "Well Rodeo, see yer good fer somethin' besides goin' fishin'."

"Thanks, L.D.," Jack replied, tension and dislike clear in his voice and posture.

"Often as you go fishin', surprised ya didn' enter that fishin' derby at the country club last month… woulda thought you would love a chance like that." L.D. smirked as Jack stiffened even further and turned to walk toward the building.

"What kinda fish do ya catch on these trips anyway?" L.D. called to Jack's retreating back, his voice full of scorn and innuendo. When Jack didn't respond, L.D. laughed loudly and started around back to his own truck.

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Jack closed his eyes for a moment and fought against the urge to swing around and demand to know what the old man meant by that. For some time now Jack had believed that L.D. was suspicious about his 'fishing' trips. On more then one occasion, L.D. had made similar cracks to the effect that Jack was not really fishing on these trips… not for fish anyway.

He and Lureen, on more then one occasion had discussed L.D.'s belief that Jack had another woman stashed somewhere, and that was where he went when he went 'fishing'. Jack had always laughed heartily when Lureen mentioned her father's suspicions. The fact that he could look Lureen dead in the eye and say, very truthfully, that there were no other women in his life had always appeased Lureen and she had never pressed any real questions on him about his trips.

Occasionally, Jack felt guilty about the lies he told Lureen. It wasn't her fault that things had worked out the way they had. Now, Jack realized that he had to have a talk with Lureen, and soon. He knew that a divorce in Texas took 6 months, which meant that he needed to get things started soon… he had put it off to long as it was. Not only that, but it was not fair to either of them to continue with the deception that they were happily married, he at least owed her that much. Sighing deeply, Jack walked into the dealership office and closed the door behind him.

"Hi, Honey." He said to his wife, who sat behind the desk punching numbers on an old adding machine. He stood and looked at his wife for a moment, waiting for her to reply.

Lureen Newsome-Twist was still a very beautiful woman. She had a few wrinkles around her eyes, and slight circles beneath them, but other then that and the bleached look of her hair, she looked very much the same as she had when he first met her.

The most noticeable difference between the woman sitting in front of him, and the girl he had married 15 years ago, was the dull, uninterested look in her eyes when she looked up at him and replied, "Hey there."

"I was thinkin'," Jack said, that look in her eyes bringing him to making a decision then and there, "Whatdaya say you and me go get some lunch? We haven't had lunch together in a long time... might be nice."

Lureen looked at him for a moment, her eyes narrowing slightly as she considered Jack's motivation for taking her out now, when they had barely even eaten together at home for so long she could not remember the last time, "Sure, Jack… somethin' I been meanin' to talk to you about anyway."

"Good, meet ya out back by the truck in 15 minutes?" Jack said, glancing at his watch and deciding he could finish the sales paperwork after lunch.

"Fine." Lureen said. She had already turned back to her adding machine, and did not look at Jack as she said it.

Normally, Lureen's lack of interest would not have bothered him. If anything he was grateful for it, made him feel less guilty for lying to her all these years. Now, as he walked into the showroom and shook hands with the two men who were finishing up their sales contracts, Jack couldn't help but wonder what Lureen needed to talk to him about.

When Jack walked around back to his truck, Lureen was already standing next to it. In her hand was a manila envelope. Jack opened the truck door for her, and then walked around to his own side.

They rode in silence. "_Nothing new_," Jack thought. He had not been joking when he had remarked to Ennis that he and Lureen could do their marriage 'over the phone'. Truth be told, it had been years since he and Lureen had had anything even closely resembling a relationship. At times this depressed him… not because he particularly wanted them to be close, but because he viewed it as just another failure for Jack Twist.

Finally, Jack pulled into the parking lot of 'The Wired Rabbit', a little restaurant on Highway 287, that he and Lureen had dined at quite often in the early years of their marriage.

Lureen looked at the building blankly and then got out of the truck and walked toward the door, not waiting for Jack. She was still carrying the manila envelope.

Once they were seated, and had ordered drinks… Lureen a Diet Coke, and Jack a beer, earning a scowl from Lureen… Jack sat back and looked at his wife. Suddenly, she looked a little pale and nervous.

"What didya wanna talk to me about?" He asked when she had been silent for several minutes and it appeared that she might not speak at all. His thinking was they could get her news out of the way, and then move on to his.

"Right," Lureen said, and placed the envelope on the table in front of her, "Jack, are you happy?"

"Well, I been happier, but I just sold two $100,000 combines, so I suppose I have…" Jack began in a cheerful voice, but Lureen cut him off impatiently.

"That ain't what I meant, Jack! I mean are you happy with me… with our life… with the way things are?" she continued, her voice low but forceful.

"I…" It was on the tip of Jack's tongue to deny being miserable, but he couldn't… how could he lie about that, and then tell her he was leaving her, "I guess I have to say I ain't."

Lureen sat back in her seat with a big sigh and Jack wasn't sure, but he was almost certain that it was a sigh of relief.

"Me neither," Lureen said after a few minutes. "Don' get me wrong, it all been bad. Had us a few good years, but things've been different fer some time now, an I think that ma'be both of us need a change."

"What're you sayin' Lureen?" Jack asked, his voice incredulous. He was pretty sure he knew where she was going, and he was afraid that he may laugh if he was right.

"Jack, I think that we should get a divorce." Her voice was even and determined as though she thought he might argue with her.

Jack could not contain himself anymore, he started to laugh. The more he tried not to laugh the harder he laughed. Lureen simply sat there across from him, a tight smile on her face. Finally, Jack regained his composure. Wiping his face, he apologized, and straightened up in his seat.

"Mind tellin' me what that was all about?" Lureen asked, amusement and a bit of annoyance in her voice, "I wasn't sure what ya would say, but I gotta tell ya that was not the reaction I was expectin'"

"Lureen," Jack said and took her hand in his, "Sorry for laughin' like that, Honey… but ya see… I asked you to lunch today to tell ya that I want a divorce!"

Lureen looked shocked for a moment and then they both burst out laughing. For several minutes, neither of them could speak.

When they finally calmed down, they began to talk and to Jack's amazement, he realized that they were talking more and acting more relaxed around each other then they had in over 13 years.

Apparently, Lureen had been seeing another man for the last 3 years. Although she apologized several times for this, Jack told her that she had no need to as he himself had been seeing someone else, though he did not tell her for how long. He didn't tell her about Ennis, nor did she talk about the man she had been with. There seemed to be a silent agreement between them that details were not necessary. If she suspected that his fishing trips had anything to do with the person he was seeing, she said nothing about it.

Their drinks arrived, and the waiter took their order. Once they were alone again, Lureen removed a sheath of papers from the manila envelope. They were divorce papers.

"Damn… you came prep'red…" Jack said, a bit of awe in his voice for this woman… "_So damn organized!"_

While they waited for their food, they went over the papers together. Jack had to admit that Lureen had been extremely fair. In the papers, it stated that they would each get half of all assets and monies acquired during their marriage. Each would also be allowed to retain any and all personal possessions belonging to them, and would take away from the marriage anything that had belonged to them when the marriage had begun. Lureen would retain the house; giving Jack half of the proceeds should she ever sell it, and Jack would get 100 shares in Newsome's Farm Equipment.

Jack scoffed at this and stated that L.D. Newsome would never allow it, and Lureen said, "I own half the company Jack… daddy don't have nothing to say bout what I do with my half."

Custody of Bobby would go to both of them jointly. Bobby would remain with Lureen, but would spend time with his daddy whenever either of them wished. Because Bobby would be eighteen in two years, Lureen had added in a clause waving child support with the stipulation that Jack pay half of any medical bills or schooling charges that might occur until Bobby was out of school including college should he decide to go. She was also waving alimony. When Jack asked her why she gave a small smile and told him she might be getting remarried soon and it made no sense to start for only few months. "'Sides," she said, "I got plentya money… don't need yers."

"Does all of this seem fair to ya?" Lureen asked, tucking the papers back in the envelope when the waiter came with their food.

"Very fair, I have ta tell ya, Lureen, I really 'preciate that we can do this ina civil way, be better for all of us if we can still get along."

They finished their meal quickly, talking little and speaking mostly about Bobby when they they had paid the check, they rode back in companionable silence. Both feeling more relaxed and happy around each other then they had in several years.

When they got back to the dealership, Jack went with Lureen to the office, and signed the divorce papers. He felt a little twinge of sadness as he signed… not because of their marriage ending, but mostly because a chapter of his life was ending, and even though he could never say that he truly loved Lureen… not the way he loved Ennis… he was fond of her.

When the papers were signed, Lureen made him a copy of the divorce papers, and they shook hands, then Lureen tucked them in her bag and said that she would file them the following morning. She knew a judge who would look at them, and rush the divorce through so that it would be final in 3 months rather then the 6 that it usually took.

Jack gave Lureen a little kiss on the cheek and thanked her… for being a good wife to his lousy husband… but also, silently, for setting him free.

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Feeling light and free, Jack walked out of the office and headed out front to the show area. Halfway around the building he heard L.D. calling to him.

"Hold up there, Rodeo!"

Jack stopped. He felt so good at that point, he thought thateven his soon-to-be-former father-in-law couldn't rile him.

"I wanna talk to ya, Jack… an I want you to listen." L.D. said when he had reached Jack's side. Jack was immediately alert, and glanced around quickly, _"Damn it… where is everyb'dy?"_

In the 17 years that Jack had been married to Lureen, L.D. Newsome had never once uttered his name. He had called him a host of other things over the years, most often calling him Rodeo, as a way to put him down for his earlier profession, Jack assumed, but never by his name.

"What can I do fer ya, L.D.?" Jack asked, his tone cautious.

"Fancy ya should ask that… there is somethin' you can do fer me." L.D stated his voice hard. "It appears my daughter has finally come to her senses, and is gonna divorce yer no good hide!"

"I…" Jack began to reply, but was cut off when L.D. grabbed the collar of his shirt and slammed him up against the side of the building. Jack felt anger boiling up inside of him, and he fought to control it, _"Who the hell does this old fucker think he is?" _

"Don' talk… jus listen," L.D. snarled, "I have put up with ya and yer pansy ass ways fer too long, Twist! I don' want to even hear about ya givin' any thought to protestin' this divorce! Ya got me, ya little shit?"

"Is that all…hell… like I would… damn, I'd get a divorce just to get ridda you, you old bastard."

L.D. pulled the collar of Jack's shirt tighter, and whistled. Around the corner came three big burly men. Each of them was carrying a baseball bat, and dressed in black suits.

"_Shit!"_

"A'right, boy", L.D. said once his henchmen were gathered around him, "now that you see I mean business, listen up. Once that divorce is final, you're gonna get the hell outta Childress, an I don' ever wanna see yer fuckin' face again… you hear me, boy?" he tightened his hand on Jack's collar again to emphasize his point.

Before Jack could respond, L.D. reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a piece of folded paper.

"An jus to make sure ya don't come back…" L.D. stuffed the slip of paper in the pocket of Jack's shirt, "now get the hell outta here! You don' work here no more!"

With that, L.D. slammed Jack against the wall one more time for good measure and then released him. Jack wanted to punch him so bad that his fists actually ached, but he decided not to play into his hands. L.D. Newsome thought that Jack Twist was a "weak pansy" and was hoping like hell that he would hit him... give the goons a reason to use those , Jackwas tired ofL.D. Newsome's shit...had stood it for far to long,and this time he was not gonna just walk away, and he knew what would piss L.D. off more then anything... Jack getting his say without giving him justification to have him beaten to a pulp.

He bent down to pick up his hat, and then quickly stood up and swung around, his face inches from L.D.'s but not touching him. "You goddamn miserable old fucker… what I wouldn' give to smash yer face into a pulp!" Jack spat, and didn't hesitate even when L.D.'sthugs stepped forward. "I'll go… don' ya worry bout that… but I'll tell ya this much, old man… I ain't leavin' causea you and yer puppets here… I'm leavin' cause I finally got me something good to go to an there ain't nothin' in this world, including you that can keep me from having it… ya got me, asshole?"

With that Jack spun on his heel and started back in the direction of the employee parking lot, jamming his hat back onto his head, he shoved his way past L.D.'s thugs, and kept walking even when he heard them start toward him and L.D. saying, his anger and frustration at being unable to watch Jack beaten to a bloody pulp, clear in his voice, "Let 'em go boys, good riddance to bad trash!"

Jack got into his truck and squealed out of the lot, spraying gravel at L.D. and his hired henchmen, who had come out from behind the building to watch him go.

"_Fuckin' ignorant ass…coulda saved him the trouble of hirin' his goons… shoulda told him that Lureen and I had already talked about the divorce and signed the papers… spiked the old bastard's guns but good!" _Jack thought and patted his shirt pocket looking for his cigarettes.

His cigarettes weren't there and he cursed when he remembered leaving them on his desk. However, when he patted the pocket, he felt something in it, and pulled out the piece of paper that L.D. had shoved there. Jack unfolded it, and nearly drove into a telephone pole. He slammed on the brakes, his front tires up on the sidewalk. The paper in his hand was a check, made out to Jack Twist in the amount of $200,000.

Jack sat there blinking at the check for several minutes. Suddenly a grin spread across his face, and he whispered, "L.D. Newsome… you stupid fuckin' chump… think you're so damn smart… I'd kiss ya if you was here right now, you bastard!"

Pulling the truck back out onto the street, Jack made a U-Turn and headed back in the direction of town and the closest bank. On the way he stopped at the post office, made another copy of the divorce papers, and dropped them in the mail.

15


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Forging the Links**

Ennis Del Mar was a nervous wreck. For over a week he had done nothing but think about this day. He had never, and probably would never admit it to Jack, but deep in the dark recesses of his heart, in a place where only he had ever tread, Ennis had wanted this from the very first time he and Jack had kissed. Sometimes, late at night while he was lying in his bed, he allowed himself to fantasize what life would be like if he and Jack lived together... how amazing it would be to wake up every morning to Jack's smile...to fall asleep every night holding each other... making love in a real house...in a real bed, a bed that was theirs...having that sweet life. He had always berated himself for what he considered to be dangerous fantasies and the fact that he was finally getting what he had secretly longed for, adamantly refused to admit that he wanted, and cruelly denied both Jack and himself for so many years, scared him half to death.

He'd gone to the pay phone at least 10 times, intent on calling Jack and calling the whole thing off. However, each time he had started dialing the phone, the pain in the pit of his stomach… that same pain that he felt 20 years ago when Jack drove away from him… that same pain that he felt in his gut last November when he thought he might lose Jack forever…that wordless shrieking pain that threatened to engulf him... that ripped through him and left him feeling sick and helpless... came crashing in and he hung up the phone. He couldn't do it... not to Jack... not again, but even more so then that, he couldn't do it to himself!

The fact of the matter was, in the last 6 months, Ennis had finally been forced to admit to himself just how much Jack Twist meant to him. Ennis had missed Jack horribly during that time, in some ways even more then he had during the previous 16 years. Somehow, being in touch with Jack, and knowing exactly what he was doing while they were apart was even more torturous then not knowing anything at all. During those long lonely years, Ennis had worked hard at keeping thoughts of Jack to a minimum, and the fact that they had no contact between trips had made that easier... easier to not think about him so much, and easier not to admit how much he loved and needed that man. Now that he was talking to, writing to and getting letters from Jack regular, he found it impossible not to think and dream about Jack, and even more impossible to deny his feelings for him.

The nights that he talked to Jack, he went to bed filled with Jack. In his head... Jack's laughter, the soft vibrating timber of his whispered 'I love you's' and 'miss ya so bad's'...rang in his ears. Behind his closed his eyes... visions of Jack, his beautiful face, soft unruly black hair, blue eyes full of love or dark and smoky with passion... danced before him. His body...singing with the memory of touching Jack, his skin hot and smooth against his, under him, over him, around him, inside him... making him tingle from head to toe.

He lay there in the dark, the memories bringing that intense need and longing for Jack on him so strong and throbbing through him so hot and fierce, that some nights he couldn't keep back the tears that threatened to fall, and even after seeking relief from it by his own hand, the need still coursed through him, keeping him awake most of the night.

Now, finally, those 6 tortuous months were over, and Ennis was more excited and nervous then he remembered being for a very long time. The last time being that day 16 years ago when he waited in he and Alma's apartment for Jack to arrive, at last, after 4 long years of being apart.

Now, just as it had been then, the waiting was unbearable. He looked at the clock again and cursed. He couldn't sit still, so he paced, back and forth, back and forth in his trailer. As he paced he went over Jack's last letter again in his head.

_Ennis, _

_I'll be comin' to pick ya up on May 28. Pack what you wanna take, but don' worry bout furniture an stuff like that. Get rid'a that pile a junk truck a yers, ya won't be needin' it. Tell ya why when I get there. See ya soon, ___

_Love and miss ya, ___

_Jack_

_"What is that man up ta this time?"_ Ennis thought as he continued to pace.

Suddenly, he jumped when he heard a vehicle pulling into the drive. Practically galloping, he raced to the door and flung it open. Getting out of his truck, was Ennis' landlord. Ennis felt his heart sink and tried to make his pulse slow before the man reached the door._ "Get 'hold of yerself, Del Mar!" ___

"Mr. Tate," Ennis said in way of greeting and tipped his hat.

"Ennis," Tate replied, "see yer all packed."

"Yes, sir." Ennis said and glanced quickly around the trailer.

"Thought I'd come by, get the keys, check the place out and see if I need to give ya yer security deposit back."

"Oh… sure 'nough," Ennis said and stepped out of the way to let him through.

The trailer was actually in a lot better condition then it had been when Ennis moved in. He had fixed the roof, rebuilt the plumbing system, and tightened up most of the windows. As Tate walked through the trailer, Ennis tried to remember what it had looked like when he rented it.

Ennis jumped when he heard another engine coming up the street, and a truck he did not recognize pulled into the driveway. Looking out the window, Ennis watched it pull in, and then sit there for a moment, the driver not getting out. Then the truck door opened, and Jack climbed down from the cab. In his hand, he held a slip of paper, and he glanced from the mailbox to the paper twice. Satisfied that he had the right place, Jack started up the stairs.

Ennis stood in the kitchen, his heart pounding a mile a minute. Every part of him wanted to race to the door, grab Jack, kiss him senseless, throw him to the ground and…then he remembered the man in the other room and took a deep breath. For several minutes, he just stood there watching Jack through the window and fighting to control himself.

Jack knocked on the door, and then stood back, looking at the trailer, and waiting on the top step, shuffling his feet and looking at the door. Glancing along the length of the trailer, Jack frowned, making his forehead crinkle as he pushed his hat back and scratched his head. He glanced at the slip of paper in his hand one more time, then turned and looked back down the road.

Finally, unable to make himself stand still any longer, Ennis, forcing himself to walk when all he really wanted to do was sprint, went to the door, took another deep breath, and opened it.

There he was… Jack Fuckin' Twist… standing there on the doorstep smiling like an idiot, those damnable eyes of his shining blue like the summer sky and boring into his very soul, doing the same thing they had done to him 20 years ago in a tent on the side of Brokeback Mountain… and Ennis thought _"Fuck it!"_ and lunged.

Wrapping his arms around Jack and bringing their mouths together in one swoop Ennis kissed Jack as though he thought it was the last time he ever might. The kiss was brief, mere seconds, but it contained every bit of pent up feeling and longing that Ennis had felt since November.

Quickly as it began, Ennis wretched himself away, ending the kiss and practically jumping away to put distance between them. They stood there, staring at each other, both men's faces flushed and neither breathing normally. Taking a deep steadying breath, Jack, his eyes bright, chuckled and said, in a voice laced with amusement, "Hey there, Ennis… glad to see me?"

Ennis made a sort of frustrated moaning, growling sound deep in his throat, and motioned toward the back of the trailer. "Landlord", he choked out, and Jack had to bite back a laugh as Ennis struggled to hide the very obvious evidence of just how glad he was to see him.

Just then, Tate walked out from the back room and into the kitchen. Ennis stepped further into the trailer, and Jack came in behind him.

Suddenly, Ennis flashed back to a very similar and equally awkward scene 16 years earlier, the day Jack had come to see him after 4 years of being apart. Ennis had reacted on gut instinct then as well, and they had kissed, in much the same manner as a few minutes ago, and then Ennis had had to introduce Jack to Alma. They stood in the entryway this same way, slightly disheveled, trying hard to act normal while desperately trying to conceal their obviously flushed appearance and equally obvious arousal.

"Oh, there you are," Tate said, his voice hard as he looked from one man to the other. **_"stay calm and get the fuck outta here… "_**

Ennis felt his face heating up, and fought desperately not to let his discomfort and nervousness show. "He knows… he must've seen... fuck... shoulda been more car'ful."

"Nice to meet you, sir," Jack said suddenly, and reached his hand out to shake, "Jack Twist."

Tate cleared his throat loudly, ignored Jack completely and turned to Ennis.

"Well, Del Mar," the landlord said, "I guess ya took alright care'a the place. I think I'll give ya back $200 of yer deposit. That sound fair?"

"God damn well better… best consider yerself lucky to get that…"

Ennis opened his mouth to protest. The deposit had been $500, equal to first and last months rent, and regardless of what the man might have seen and might be thinking, Ennis felt that he deserved to get it all back. Just as he was about to say so, Jack, who had noticed Tate's demeanor and could pretty well guess as to the meaning behind it, cut in and said, "Sounds fair to me, Ennis."

Ennis gave him a look to kill, but nodded, and accepted the four $50 bills that the landlord handed to him. As Tate walked away, Ennis heard him thinking,

**_"Never woulda pegged him as that type… just doesn't seem like a faggot… damn… gotta be more careful who I rent ta... damn good thin' for him I didn' find out sooner... woulda kicked his queer ass out so fast...!"_**

Ennis waited until he had climbed back into his truck and driven away before turning to Jack and saying, "Next time stay outta it… coulda handled him... and gotten all my money back too," taking his hat off, Ennis wiped his brow with his sleeve and added, "shit!"

**_"…I just wanted to help…"_**

"I was jus' tryin' to get ridda the man… I didn't wanna get into a big row with 'em… and the looks he was giving us…" Jack shook his head and grimaced, "that's all I was tryin' to do, Ennis." Jack said, looking at his boots and kicking at a rock.

"You think he saw us?" Ennis asked his voice low and tense as fear replaced his anger.

"Seems like…but who cares…let's jus' get outta here… got a long drive to Fort Collins, and I wanna get there 'fore it get's dark…" Jack was still looking down, and it was obvious he was hurt by Ennis' anger.

"Damn", Ennis muttered, and touched Jack's arm. "Listen, Bud, I'm sorry I yelled at ya, its jus' we are gonna need money an… what the fuck are ya laughin' at, Jack?" Ennis just stared at Jack, who was suddenly laughing so hard that his face was turning purple.

"Ennis… almost forgot… don' know…" Jack sputtered and fell into another fit of laughter. Unable to compose himself enough to speak, Jack reached into his shirt pocket and brought out a little blue bank book. He handed the book to Ennis and then collapsed against his truck in another fit of laughter.

"Oh shut up, ya damn fool…" Ennis muttered and opened the book. Sucking in his breath, Ennis' eyes scanned the figures written on the paper in Jack's neat handwriting.

"Holy Fuckin' Hell… Jack… what is this?" Ennis finally managed to choke out. His eyes were big as saucers and his face had lost all color.

Wiping his eyes with his sleeve, Jack took the book back and pointed at the zeros on the paper as he spoke, "That, Mr. Del Mar, is our checking account. This is what's left ov'r from my divorce settlement. There woulda been more but we had lotsa bills we needed to pay. Plus, I bought a few things we'll be needin', and I've been renting that room in Amarillo since March so I had to use some fer that."

He paused for a second to wipe his face again and then continued, "I had no idea we was doin' so well to tell ya the truth, Lureen always handled the books, and the way she went at it sometimes, I thought we was on our way to the poorhouse. Guess that weren' the case though, cause my half'a the divorce settlement was quite a bit. Then, Lureen sold the house and got remarried 'bout 3 weeks ago. The house went fer a pretty penny and half of it went to me. Plus a little "gift" from one Mr. L.D. Newsome to ensure that I don' nev'r come back to Texas!"

"But… Jack… that there says ya got more'n $300,000 in yer account… that ain't possible… ain't nobody I know ev'r had that kinda money…" Ennis face was pale, and a vein on his forehead was pulsing.

"Whoa" Jack said, and put his arm around Ennis' back, "calm down, Cowboy. First off, look at the front page… see, both our names are on this account…this is 'our' money… not mine, we can..."

"No, Jack… that ain't my money… no… I got me $200 in my pocket and another $600 in a pair of socks in that there bag… that's my money… what's in that account is yers!" Ennis said, pulling out from under Jack's arm and stepping back, his jaw set in that stubborn way he had that said, 'ain't arguing bout it!'

"Damn you, Ennis… no way… I ain't givin' in this time… I stood up to L.D. Newsome, and I ain't gonna let the likes of Ennis Del Mar best me neither!"

"Now you jus' hold it a minute there, Ennis!" Jack said, stomping a few steps away and turning to point his finger at Ennis. "I said this here is 'our' money and I meant it. I waited 20 fuckin' years for you ta wake up and realize we oughta be together, an now I finally got what I wanted an you ain't gonna ruin it for us 'fore we even get started… I won't let ya, Ennis… we earn'd the right to every penny of this money, everyday we spent apart fer the last 20 years!" Jack didn't raise his voice, but his glare and the redness of his face got the message across just the same.

"This means a lot to ya, don't it, Bud?" Ennis asked his voice low. Jack's anger scared him as much as surprised him. Jack almost never got angry like this, and it was a force to be reckoned with when he did. He meant business.

"Damn right it does… and I ain't backin' down on it neither! The money in this account is ours, that truck right there is ours… the one just like it that is parked in Fort Collins, Colorado is ours, and the house it's parked in front of is ours too… that means they belong to 'both of us' and jus' you see to it that you don' forget that!"

"Ok, Bud..." Ennis said and held up his hands to show his retreat, "sorry, I won' forget."

"Good" Jack said, smiling again.

Ennis thought for a second and then he said, "House… didya say ya bought a house?" his voice was incredulous and just a little bit accusatory.

"Well… not quite yet…" Jack said a bit sheepishly, "the check's been written, but they still need us ta sign the papers… an well… I coulda signed 'em and then had ya sign when we got there… but I figured I'd wait fer you to be there, so we can sign em together… ya know." His face colored at this, and Ennis couldn't help but smile at his 'romantic' thinking.

"We got a appointment at the real estate place tomorrow afternoon. That's parta why I wanna get on out of here. I wanna show ya the house 'fore it gets dark."

Ennis looked at Jack's face and saw the excitement returning. Suddenly, he realized that he wanted to go see this house that had Jack so excited, "Well, what the hell are we doin' standin' 'round jawing fer… let's get a move on!"

They quickly loaded the few things that Ennis had decided to take along, mostly clothes and some pictures from when the girls were babies, into the back of the truck, and then Jack backed it around so Ennis could hitch up the horse trailer.

Once the horses were all settled, Ennis came around and hopped into the truck. As they were driving away, Ennis looked at Jack and said, "So lemme get this straight, you stood up ta L.D. Newsome?"

_**"How the hell…?"**_

"Did I tell ya that," He asked, his voice confused.

"Must have, Bud."

"Well… ok then…"

Jack's voice got all excited, and he looked for all the world like a kid on Christmas morning when he said, "I stood up to L.D. Newsome… oh, Ennis… ya shoulda seen his face…!"

---------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------

They made good time through Wyoming. As they he drove along, Jack filled him in on everything that had happened in Childress. They both had a good laugh over he and Lureen both meaning to ask each other for a divorce during the same meal. Jack told Ennis in detail all about the room he had been renting in Amarillo since the divorce papers were filed. "Lureen said I could stay at the house… but I figur'd since I had cashed L.D.'s check, I oughta make myself scarce."

Then Ennis told all about his talk with Alma. "I think we finally buri'd the hatchet, seems she didn't realize I..." Ennis paused and swallowed hard before he added, "I been in love with ya all these years." Ennis colored and looked out the window when he said this, but he saw Jack's reflection in the window, and the pleased smile that flickered across his lips before Ennis turned back to him.

Ennis also told Jack about the day he'd quit his job and the disastrous meeting he'd had with O'Grady, in which he had called Ennis a lazy ass good for nothin', and had ended with Ennis holding his fist as he walked away, and O'Grady lying on the floor holding his mouth. Jack laughed and said he remembered Ennis' right hook well.

"I ain't told the girls yet," Ennis said uneasily, "don' know how ta jus' yet."

Jack nodded his understanding, knowing how hard it would be to tell Bobby when the time came.

Jack continued driving until he couldn't stay awake any more, and then Ennis took over. He had never driven anything but old junkers before, and this was a new experience for him… not an entirely unpleasant one either.

Following the map that Jack had marked, Ennis drove down Highway 25. He could see from the map that he just had to stay on 25 and it would take him all the way into Fort Collins. Settling back, he drove fast along the nearly deserted highway, and thought about what the house looked like and what the future might hold for them.

As he thought about it, he went over the scene with Tate in his head. Somehow, Tate had caught on to he and Jack's relationship. Ennis could only surmise that he must have seen their brief but intense kiss. _"He knew… and he thought kinda harsh on us… but no violent thoughts. Ma'be Jack has been right all these years and I have been lettin' fear keep me from bein' happy. I ain't gonna let my guard down… but ma'be there really ain't so many guys with tire irons out there after all..." ___

He saw the first signs for Fort Collins around 4 p.m, and decided that he oughta wake Jack up. Shaking his arm lightly, Ennis had to laugh when Jack smacked his lips, making a kissing sound and said, "Oh, Ennis… sorry, babe... wish I could… tired now… ma'be later…" and began snoring. Ennis jumped a bit at hearing Jack call him "babe", even in his sleep. However, as he thought about it for a bit he decided that he rather liked it, _"Ain't no diff'rent th'n me callin' him darlin'"_ he thought and smiled fondly. When Jack shifted in the seat, his head falling to Ennis' shoulder, and moaned something that sounded suspiciously like Ennis' name, Ennis felt a little coil of heat in his belly and thought, _"Don' even needta guess what he's dreamin' bout"_.

Deciding that he would wait until they actually got to Fort Collins before he woke him Ennis reached over, gently took Jack's hat off and pulled him down until his head was resting on his leg. Smiling, Ennis gently ran his fingers through Jack's tousled hair and whispered, "Yup… mighty glad ta see ya, Darlin'."

---------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------

The property was located just outside of town. The house itself was a two-story log cabin style with a wide, sweeping front porch that wrapped around the front and western side of the house, at first sight the house was framed by the mountains in the distance.

Running along the front of the property was a white post fence. To the left of the long driveway, was a large red barn. To the right a lazy stream gurgled and wound its way along the length of the driveway. The stream was wide and lazy as it neared the house, and narrowed slightly where a little bridge crossed over a small open area with a gazebo. The creek widened just after the bridge, creating a small pond area before narrowing back out and running under a fence and through the pasture area situated behind the house. In that wide pond, area was a small dock, with a rowboat tied up to it. In the distance, several miles away, was a barely visible line of trees at the foot of an incline that was the beginning of the mountain slope.

Ennis stood in front of the house very unaware that his mouth was curled into a very wide smile. Jack however could not take his eyes off Ennis.

"Do you like it?" He asked his voice a bit uncertain.

"I don't know what to say, Jack… it's really… sumthin'." Ennis replied, turning to look at Jack and seeing the pride in his eyes.

"I ain't never lived anywhere so fancy before." Ennis said his voice a bit wistful and sad, and Jack guessed that he was thinking about his girls and how he would have liked to give them a place like this to grow up in.

"Can we go in?" Ennis asked, straightening up and Jack smiled at the thinly disguised eagerness in his voice.

"Sure… they gave me the key, I jus' had to promise we wouldn' move in til' the papers're signed." Jack dug around in his jacket pocket and came out with a ring of keys.

"There's two copies of each key here. One for eacha the buildings, and two for doors in the house," Jack explained as he led the way up the steps to the front door.

The inside of the house was as breathtaking as the outside. When they stepped through the front door, they entered the living room. The room was large with a cathedral ceiling and was paneled in rich oak; the floors and ceiling were of the same wood. The room was bright with natural light, and when Ennis looked up, he saw that almost the entire outer wall toward the ceiling was taken up by a row of large windows that formed the triangle shaped peak on the front of the house.

At one end of the room, was a large hand-made stone fireplace with a mantle made from a large slab of granite. The fireplace was framed by two long windows that showed views of the pastureland and the mountains. At the other end was a large window that gave a view of the driveway and outbuildings.

The right side of the living room was a long line of windows that looked out onto the porch and showed the little stream, the bridge, and the gazebo. On the left side of the room was a staircase. At the foot of the stairs was a door leading into the kitchen. The kitchen was large and contained a dining area and a center island. The counter tops, which ran around one entire end of the room, were green marble, and the floors appeared to be tiled with the same. The center island was a wet bar, with a built in sink, a small refrigerator, and a wine rack overhead. There was another door leading out to the porch.

Behind the stairs were two more doors. The first led to a large airy bedroom with a picture window showing a view of part of the pasture, the trees beyond, and the mountains. The second was a large bathroom with a garden style bathtub and a door that connected it to the bedroom next to it.

The stairs led to the second floor, the landing at the top ran the length of the house, and was open with an oak railing and overlooked the living room. Along the wall opposite the railing, situated about at the middle were a set of French doors that opened to the Master Bedroom. The room stretched the length of the house and had its own separate bath taking up an entire end of the room. Ennis poked his head in and looked around the bathroom. There was a counter along one whole wall with two sinks and mirror along the length of it, and a sunken bathtub that looked big enough for 3 people. He thought briefly of he and Jack splashing around in that tub, and had to walk away quickly or risk revealing his thoughts to Jack, who seemed to be watching his every step.

Almost an entire wall of the room was taken up by a row of windows just like those at the front, forming a triangular shaped window that faced out on the pastures and the mountains.

Ennis walked through the house as though in a trance. After a while, when he had said absolutely nothing, Jack began to be concerned.

_**"He doesn' like it… it's too big… or too fancy**_…"

Ennis picked up immediately on the disappointment in Jack's thoughts, and snapped out of his daze.

"Jack…" he said, his voice almost unrecognizable, "are ya sure ya…we… can afford this? This place is huge and hasta cost a fortune!"

"It's all paid fer, Ennis. I told ya… the check has already been written." Jack said, a great deal of pride in his voice, "I was lookin' at a bigger place, but there weren't no place fer the horses…" Jack's voice trailed off and he just watched Ennis.

After several more minutes passed with him shuffling his feet and not quite daring to look at Ennis' face he said, "So…you like it?"

"Darlin, it's amazin'," Ennis said and grinned at the ecstatic expression on Jack's face.

"So..." Ennis said, walking around the bedroom with his hands behind his back, "what do you think of right here... across from this window that looks out at the mountains?" He stopped in front of the large window and looked out at the view before him.

"For what?" Jack asked and stepped up beside Ennis so he could see what he was looking at.

Ennis suddenly turned and making that same moaning growl in his throat, wrapped Jack up in his arms. They just stood there for a minute... brown eyes speaking to blue eyes, speaking of things that only they knew and understood, then slowly, without coaxing on either part, their lips came together in a long lingering kiss, from which Ennis only pulled away enough to whisper, "for the bed!"

---------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------

Ennis shifted uncomfortably in his chair. It was very warm in the office of Mr. J. W. Roth, president of 'The Landmark Group' real estate agency. For the last hour, Ennis had been squirming while enduring Mr. Roth's long speech about the property they were buying, the former owners, and the town itself. Ennis mind kept wandering to other things, and he kept having to remind himself to listen. Mostly, his mind kept wandering to the night before.

Unable to stay in the house until after the papers where signed, he and Jack had ended up checking into a hotel about 20 miles outside of town. Ennis had refused to stay in Fort Collins, saying he didn't think they needed to 'advertise' their relationship before they even moved into town. Jack had grumbled and complained a bit about that, but in the end had shrugged and said he didn't care if they slept in a curtained off corner, as long as it meant he got to have a naked Ennis pressed against him soon. Ennis had flushed at that and told him to shut up, but Jack had grinned widely at the speedometer as Ennis drove out of town well over the speed limit.

Unfortunately, Jack's desire for Ennis' naked body had been delayed greatly when they arrived at the hotel. The clerk at the desk, had adamantly refused to rent them a room with a king size bed. He had insisted that the only rooms he had left were two small rooms with a single twin bed in each, and even though Jack had pointed out that there were dozens of keys on the board behind him, he had stuck to his story.

Ennis stood off to the side, his head lowered, watching Jack from under his hat while Jack argued with the hotel clerk. Glancing around, Ennis noticed that more and more people were stopping to watch Jack and the clerk argue. Fighting an urge to bolt back to the tuck, Ennis cleared his throat to get Jack's attention.

"Jack..." he ground out, his voice pleading, "Let's jus' go."

"No!" Jack said, and Ennis cringed at how loud his voice sounded in the suddenly quiet lobby, "they got empty rooms here, and I ain't sleepin' in the truck!"

Finally, Ennis had had enough, and said, "Fine, jus' take one'a the ones with a twin! I'm too fuckin' tired to listen ta ya argue bout it any more."

"Sir!" The clerk exclaimed, and reminded Ennis briefly of a little old lady that used to go to the church his parents dragged him to when he was a boy. At that point, Ennis didn't give a damn if he offended the man or not, he just wanted to get out of there and away from all those people whose eyes he could feel boring into his back.

"Don't you mean you want both rooms…? I don't see how both of you hope to…" the flustered clerk began.

Taking out his wallet, Ennis slapped the $25 for the room fee down on the counter, snatched one of the keys from the clerk's hand and grabbing Jack's hand he growled, "Let's go!"

"Don't worry bout it… we'll manage!" Jack called over his shoulder, and Ennis growled again, and sent a scathing glower as a man who stood next to the elevator, his eyes wide and staring at Ennis, thought, "that man looks dangerous."

He hauled a laughing Jack along behind him, and cringed inwardly when Jack waved at the man and said, "Good-night!"

"Shut up, Jack… just shut the fuck up!" Ennis snarled as he jammed his finger into the up button for the elevator.

"Aw…come on, cowboy…" Jack whispered in a jovial tone, "where's yer sense'a humor?"

Ennis looked at Jack, started to say something, and then clamped his mouth shut, uttering through clenched teeth… "Just shut up!"

Jack snickered all the way up to their room, and laughed out loud when Ennis stomped into the bathroom and slammed the door.

Grinning all the while he was undressing, Jack wondered himself how they were gonna manage to sleep in one little twin bed. _"I suppose if we were to lay one on top of the oth'r…"_, he thought, and grinned at the image that evoked.

He sat in the chair, and waited for Ennis to come out of the bathroom. When almost a half hour had passed and he hadn't heard even a peep from the other side of the door, Jack walked slowly over and knocked.

"What?" Came the gruff voice from the other side.

"Umm… Ennis, are you comin' out soon?" Jack asked in a slightly cajoling voice.

"No…" Ennis said testily, "I'm gonna sleep in here!"

"Ennis…" Jack said, somewhat desperately, "I needta get in there!"

On the other side of the door, Ennis thought, "Serves ya right ya lil' shit… oughta let ya stand out there and piss yerself!"

Sighing, he planted a scowl on his face, and opened the bathroom door.

"Fine…" he said, "just make it quick… I'm bout done in, and the tub ain't gettin' any softer!"

Jack ducked around him and quickly went into the bathroom, closing the door.

"I can see now what my life is gonna be like from now on… he's gonna piss me off all the damn time, an then he'll smile at me or look at me with those curs'd eyes'a his and I won' nev'r be able to stay mad at him! An dammit… there's times when I really wanna be mad at the lil' shit!"

As he thought this, he couldn't keep the smile off his face… he didn't half blame Jack for teasing that clerk, _"fuckin' asshole!"_ but he wished Jack would think before he did things like that, things that called attention to 'them'. Much as he wanted to though, he couldn't seem to bring himself to stay mad at him. Truth was, he was so damn happy to see and be with the man, that even though Jack could make him angrier then anyone else he had ever known… he was quickly becoming unable to image a life without him in it.

When Jack came out of the bathroom, he glanced cautiously at Ennis, trying to gauge his mood.

Wanting nothing more then to grab Jack and finish what he had started earlier, Ennis struggled with himself until the urge to make Jack squirm a bit won out and he started toward the bathroom. As he expected, when he got there, Jack was still standing in the doorway.

"Look out, " Ennis said, "I wanna get some sleep."

"Ennis…" Jack said, his voice sad and pleading, "You ain't really gonna sleep in the tub… are ya?" **_"Please Ennis... it's our first night togeth'r in 6 damn months... can't stand tha thought of not bein' with ya...!"_**

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn..." Ennis said, his voice rough with something other then anger.

Jack, hearing the change in his voice, looked at Ennis, his darkening, blue eyes searching his face and said, "I can give ya two…"

Without another word, they wrapped their arms around each other and held on tight. Ennis whispered against Jack's shoulder, "I surely did miss ya, Jack", and Jack replied, "Missed ya too, Ennis… an them's four words I hope I don' need to say again for a real long time!"

Now as Ennis sat in the horribly hot office, he felt himself getting even warmer when he recalled that, in the end, that twin bed had not been a problem at all, and he couldn't keep the slight smile off his face when he recalled how he had woken up that morning. Propped up on a pile of pillows at the head of the bed, almost sitting up his legs spread apart, and Jack curled up between them, his head resting on Ennis' upper thigh, and his arms wrapped tightly around his waist. His back had been a bit stiff from sleeping that way, but as he looked down at Jack, his face soft, boyish and almost angelic in sleep, Ennis felt happier then he ever remembered being.

He was shaken from his reverie by Mr. Roth standing up behind his desk and at last saying, "So gentlemen, let's get these papers signed and get ya outta here."

Breathing an audible sigh of relief, and taking the pen from his hand, Ennis signed his name and held the pen out to Jack. Just as Jack reached out to grab it, Mr. Roth added, "Yes, yes…lot's ta do at the house 'fore yer wives arrive I expect!"

Ennis' hand jerked when he heard this, and he accidentally jabbed Jack with the pen.

"Hey… take it easy, Bud…" Jack said and shook his hand, "that's my ropin' hand!"

Ennis looked at Jack, and then they both looked at Mr. Roth, who had a rather confused look on his face.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Roth," Jack said finally, "you took us by surprise. See me and Ennis... um well…"

"We're both divorced!" Ennis cut in, refusing to look at Jack for fear of what he might see in his face.

"Oh… oh my, I am sorry…" Mr. Roth dithered, "had no idea… so sorry for mentioning it…" **_"God man, could you be more of an idiot? Here these two men have been through that, an lost their wives and now their forced to buy a place together to make ends meet… just awful…"_**

Ennis gulped, and felt that he had to get out of that office now… he couldn't stand listening to this man's thoughts any more.

"Jack," he said, his voice strained, "you go ahead an sign… I'll meet ya outside… need to get some air." He ground this out as quickly as possible and then practically bolted for the door, fleeing from Mr. Roth and his profuse apologizes but also from the pain and disappointment that he imagined must be written all over Jack's face. As the door closed behind him, he heard Mr. Roth saying to Jack, "I am so sorry, Mr. Twist… poor man is obviously still so distraught… didn't mean to upset him…" and then the door closed behind him and he was free.

When Jack finally emerged 20 minutes later, he found Ennis sitting in the truck. His back was stiffly pressed against the seat, and he was staring blankly out of the front window at, from what Jack could tell, nothing.

Jack opened the truck door and slid into the driver's seat. He too sat looking out the window for a moment. Finally, he looked at Ennis and said, "Ready to go home, Bud… or do ya wanna sit here an stare at the trees all day?"

Ennis looked at Jack quickly and then ducked his head, "I'm sorry, Jack… I blew it in there… shouldna lied about us…"

"What do ya mean?" Jack asked, genuine surprise in his voice.

"Well… I told him that we were both divorced and that was why there weren't no wives comin'…" Ennis said and Jack cut in on him.

"Ennis… ya didn' lie, Cowboy. We are both divorced… ain't we?"

Ennis looked up at Jack's smiling face and couldn't help but smile back.

"Jack..." he said, his voice and eyes saying how sorry he was, even if Jack said he hadn't done anything wrong.

"Let's go home, ok Bud?" Jack said, and reached out to squeeze Ennis' arm.

Ennis grinned at him and grabbed Jack's hand before he could take it back. Placing their linked hands on the seat between them, he said, "Well whatcha waitn' fer, comeon, Jack, pick it up, time's a wastin'…"

Jack shook his head and said, "Ennis Fuckin' Del Mar" as they drove out of the lot, a cloud of dust and Ennis' laughter trailing behind.

18


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: Another Link in the Chain**

Jack lay wide awake in the still dark room. Through the large window across from him, he could see the moon, large and silver, shining down and blanketing everything with its soft light.

Jack shifted on the stack of blankets beneath him and looked over his shoulder at the man snuggled up behind him. In the moonlight, Jack could see Ennis face clearly. Relaxed in sleep, the harsh lines of worry and work were erased, and Jack could clearly see the 19 year old boy that he had first fallen in love with in that face. Ennis had his arm slung around Jack's waist, and as he slept, a tiny smile flittered across his lips.

Gently, trying hard not to wake him, Jack turned under Ennis' arm until he was lying on his side facing him. Slowly, he brought his fingers up and brushed them gently across Ennis' lips, grinning when he felt them twitch slightly under his touch.

"Don' seem real…" he whispered, as he brushed his knuckles gently across Ennis cheek and smoothed the wrinkles at the corner of his eye with his thumb.

Ennis twitched at his touch and opened his eyes. Brown eyes staring into blue, the smile that was only a trace widened, and Ennis whispered in a sleep laden voice, "Hey, there".

He tightened the arm around Jack's waist, drawing him closer and kissing him lightly on the forehead.

"Hey," Jack replied, his voice low.

"Can't sleep?" Ennis asked, and shifted onto his back, drawing Jack along with him until Jack's head was lying on his chest.

Jack turned so that he could see Ennis' face and replied, "Can… don' wanna."

"Got a long day tomorrow… gonna be beat ya don' get some rest, Bud." Ennis said, and yawned big and loud.

"I'll be fine… rather lay here and look at ya," Jack said, not a hint of teasing or innuendo in his voice.

Even in the silvery moonlight, Jack could see Ennis' blush and small pleased smile and smiled himself at the thought of Ennis liking that Jack wanted to look at him.

"Not like ya can't look at me whenever, Jack." Ennis said, shifting again and obviously trying to get comfortable on the pile of blankets they were using for a bed. "Damn floor's hard as'a rock!" He muttered as he shifted again, then brought his arms up to encircle Jack.

"I know…" Jack replied, _**"but I still quite believe this is real! I keep on waitin' to wake up… afraid to sleep… afraid I'll wake up and it'll all be a dream." **_

Ennis stilled, and looked at Jack. His eyes, deep brown, almost black in the moonlight, filled with a look that Jack had rarely seen from him.

"Come're," he whispered, and tugged lightly at Jack with his arms. Jack willingly let himself be moved up until his face hovered over Ennis'.

"Jack," Ennis said, his voice low and serious, his brown eyes searching Jack's, "this ain't no dream… know that's what yer thinkin' can see it in yer eyes."

"Ennis…" Jack started, wanting to tell him how happy he was to be there with him, but Ennis moved his hand up, and placed a finger on his lips, stopping the words from coming.

"Shhh… quiet darlin'," Ennis whispered, and brought their lips together in a long slow kiss that went on and on and spiraled Jack deeper and deeper into the well of tingly excitement he felt whenever Ennis touched him.

When Ennis pulled away some time later, he said in a low husky voice, "still think yer dreaming?"

"More'en ever," Jack said, taking a deep breath, and leaning back in fer another kiss.

"What I gotta do to prove it ain't a dream?" Ennis said his voice affectionate and amused.

"Jus' be here in the mornin'…" Jack said, his once again serious as he placed a kiss on Ennis chest.

"Well hell, Jack… if I'da know'd that was all I had'a do, I wouldn'a bothered with the kissin'."

Jack jerked his head up at that, and was met with a pair of twinkling brown eyes and a little Ennis smile.

Jack tried to scowl, but couldn't pull it off and ended up laughing instead.

After a few minutes of laughter, Ennis ran his hand through Jack's hair and said, "Hey, Jack, think ma'be I can get some sleep now?"

"Ok, cowboy… let's get some rest." Jack said, leaning in for another quick kiss and then rolling on his side again so Ennis could scoot up and snuggle up against him again.

As he was drifting off, he heard Ennis say in a low, quiet voice that barely reached his ears, "how come you don' call me babe when yer awake?"

"What?" Jack said, surprised, and turned back quickly to look at Ennis who had his head buried in the blanket they were using for a pillow. _**"Oh God… what did I say in my sleep… fuck…!" **_

Ennis' voice was muffled as he said, "Yesterday… while ya was sleepin' in the truck, I tried ta wake ya up and ya…" Ennis stopped, and cleared his throat.

Jack waited patiently for him to finish, "well… ya called me, Babe… said my name and 'sorry babe'.

"I did?" Jack asked, he felt heat flood his face and he shifted uncomfortably_**. **_

_"**Shit, Twist… even yer dreaming mind oughta know by now that Ennis don' like no mushy shit!" **_

"I'm sorry, Ennis," Jack stuttered, "I was asleep… I didn' know…"

"I kinda liked it…" Ennis said, again so low and muffled that Jack could barely tell he had spoken at first.

"I swear… I … wait… you did?" Jack voice had become incredulous.

Ennis nodded a bit, still not looking at Jack.

Jack sat in stunned silence for a moment, and then he smiled. Reaching out a hand, he stroked the back of Ennis neck, and pulled lightly at the blond hair that rested there.

_"**Careful now, don't wanna spook 'em… know how hard thin's like this are for him…" **_

"Ok, Cowboy," he whispered and tangled his fingers up in Ennis' hair so he could stroke the sensitive spot at the base of his skull that turned all his muscles to putty.

Ennis heaved a sigh as Jack's fingers ran through his hair and touched that spot that felt so good. Only Jack knew that spot… was the one that discovered what it did to Ennis, who hadn't even known himself till Jack found it. Sighing again, he turned to shyly meet those blue eyes and reached his arms out to Jack, who settled back down, scooting his back up flush against Ennis' front.

"Nite, Jack," Ennis whispered, and pressed his lips to the back of Jack's neck.

Jack smiled, in the silvery moonlight and whispered, "Nite, Babe."

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"Damn Jack, I don' know nothin' bout this shit." Ennis griped out of the corner of his mouth. Looking quickly at Jack, he saw from his face that he was just as lost on this one.

"_**An' I suppose ya think I do…" **_Jack thought as he turned to Ennis and said in a low voice, "I don't know nothin' bout it neither. When Lureen and I mov'd inta our house the place was alre'dy full… her mother did it all fer us."

"Well we gotta do somethin' Jack… I can't sleep on the floor again tonig't!" The look on Ennis' face was pained as he thought about the night before and how stiff his back had been that morning. _"Yer getting old, Del Mar!"_ he thought with a bit of a scowl.

It had felt very strange at first being inside a house with Jack. For so long the only time he had spent with Jack had been either outdoors, or in a tent. It had taken Ennis a little time and a bit of convincing from Jack, for him to relax. _"But damn does that man how to convince a person…"_ Ennis felt his face heating up with this thought.

"Ennis… Ennis!" Jack was hissing at him, and Ennis felt him grab his arm… _**"what the fuck..?"**_ "Dammit, Ennis, are ya listenin'?"

Ennis shook himself, and looked at Jack, "Yeah, I'm listening… what were ya sayin'?

Jack rolled his eyes, "I said… we need to do somethin'. We're attractin' attention standin' here in the doorway like this!"

Ennis glanced around, and flushed quickly when he saw several pairs of eyes trained on them. Nodding, he began walking down the closest aisle, looking at the living room sets lined up on either side.

Mr. Roth had recommended 'The Blue Ridge Logworks' as being the best furniture store in Fort Collins. All of the furniture was made of solid wood framing and the styles offered were rustic yet comfortable. As he wandered down the aisle, Ennis looked at the different living room furniture and tried to remember if he and Alma had ever bought furniture together.

Thinking back on it, Ennis recalled that most of the furniture he and Alma had was hand-me downs from their families. They hadn't been able to afford new stuff.

"_Can afford it now though,"_ Ennis thought, reflecting on the little blue bank book in Jack's pocket.

Ennis wasn't quite sure how he felt about that money. Part of him wanted to insist that Jack remove his name from the account. It didn't quite feel right having it there. At the same time though, he recalled how angry Jack had become when he had tried to argue about it the day before. He couldn't fully understand Jack's feelings about the money, but he understood enough to realize that it was important to Jack that everything be 'theirs'.

"_Think 'bout it Del Mar… ya ain't stupid… he wants everythin' to be 'ours' 'cause he still don' quite believe this is happenin', and he needs the names together on that book so's he can look at it and have proof."_ Looking at it that way, Ennis decided that it was harmless to have his name there. If it made Jack feel better and more secure about things, who could it hurt.

He reached the end of the aisle and turned to head down the next when suddenly he spotted a sofa and chair that he liked the looks of. With a sturdy oak frame about the same shade and grain as the walls and floors, the set consisted of a full size sofa, loveseat, and two chairs. The upholstery was a brown, very similar in color to the wood, with blue stripes. Looking around at the other things around it, so he could remember where it was located, he set off through the store looking for Jack.

He found him two aisles over looking at dining room tables. Walking up behind him, he laid his hand on Jack's shoulder and squeezed.

"Hey there, find anything' ya like?" He asked, glancing at the table that Jack had been inspecting.

"Oh, hey, Ennis, yeah… I was actually thinking that I like this one." Jack pointed to a square wooden table. It too was made out of seemingly the same wood as the house's interior. Ennis smiled and nodded. _"Folks 'round here sure seem ta like oak."_

"Looks good to me, think I may've found us somethin' fer the living room too."

Ennis took Jack over and showed him the set, and Jack agreed with Ennis that it was what they were looking for, and they commented to each other that this was easier then they thought it would be.

The continued wandering around that store, picking out things for the different rooms. Finally, they came to the bedroom furniture section.

Eyes twinkling, Jack said, "Ah… the most impor'ant thing… a bed!" he wiggled his eyebrows at Ennis, and began walking around amongst the different beds. Ennis flushed and walked in another direction. Turning back only when he heard Jack saying, "Ennis… over here!"

Walking over to Jack, Ennis stood looking at the big brass bed. It was huge… Ennis didn't ever remember seeing a bed that big anywhere. Jack picked up a little tag from a holder on the bed and read off of it, "Says here, its a Cal-King, damn site bigger then that twin bed, eh? Ennis scowled at him, and grabbed the paper to look for himself. He whistled quietly when he saw the price, "Damn, Jack…!"

"I know…" Jack said, but then he got a determined look on his face and said, "but I like it! An' way I fig're it, you and me have spent 'nough time sleeping uncomfor'able… all them years sleeping on the ground. We've earned the right to have this bed…"

His voice sounded firm, but his eyes told Ennis that he was waiting for Ennis to approve.

"If that's whatcha think, Bud… it's yer…" Ennis paused. He had been about the say 'it's yer money' but stopped himself and said, "decision", instead.

Jack walked away quickly, saying something about finding a clerk. Once he was gone, Ennis went over and sat on the bed. It felt comfortable. Feeling a little daring, Ennis bounced a bit, and was rewarded with no sound. Every bed that Ennis Del Mar had ever slept in had creaked and groaned with every little twitch from its occupants. Smiling, Ennis bounced again, and in a fit of recklessness, he flopped backward, his feet flat on the floor. _"Damn site more comfertable that that dang floor…" _he thought, and closed his eyes.

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After a fairly long search, Jack found a clerk who said she would come help them as soon as she could, and then headed back toward the beds. When he rounded the corner of the aisle, he saw Ennis lying on the bed, his bottom half draped over the side. His eyes were closed, and it looked to Jack like he might be asleep.

Looking back to see if the clerk was heading that way yet, Jack walked forward and bent over Ennis' prone body. Bringing his face close to Ennis' he said in a low voice, "Hey, cowboy… time to wake up."

Ennis opened his eyes, and saw Jack leaning over him, his faces inches from his. "Jack…" he said, his voice husky and sleepy. Before Jack knew what was happening, Ennis had wrapped his arm around his neck and pulled his lips to his.

Jack pulled back quickly and stood up. "Easy there, Cowboy… hold that thought till later, huh?" he said, his eyes shining.

Ennis blinked, confused. Jack had never pulled away from him like that. Suddenly, his eyes came into focus and he remembered where he was. Sitting bolt upright, his face flaming, he glared at Jack, and slammed his hat back on his hat. He wasn't sure who he was madder at, himself for never being able to resist Jack, or Jack for having such a damn kissable mouth. _"Admit it Del Mar… you're most angry 'bout the fact that ya had ta stop kissing him!" _.

"Christ, Jack… what the hell're ya thinkin'?" He ground out, his embarrassment only making him grouchier.

"Same thin' as you, I'd say…" Jack grinned and looked pointedly at Ennis, a knowing look in his eyes. Ennis lowered his head and blushed, muttering and mumbling as he straightened his clothes.

At that, moment, the clerk walked down the aisle toward them.

"_**Look as these two… damn… and will ya look at the eyes on that one… always been a sucker fer blue eyes…"**_

Ennis scowled at this, and unconsciously stepped a bit closer to Jack. The clerk walked up to them, and stood looking at Jack for a moment. Ennis felt himself tensing up at her obvious behavior.

"Mr. Twist," she said her voice somewhat husky, "which bed is it you were talking about?

Jack grinned, glanced at her nametag, and pointed to the bed that Ennis had just been lying on, "Please call me Jack, lil' lady, and it's this one over here. Mandy is it?"

Ennis' eyes narrowed, and he ground his teeth _"Lil' shit is flirtin' with her." _He stood back, arms crossed in front of him and watched as Jack and Mandy talked. The girl was laying it on thick, batting her eyelashes and practically climbing Jack like a tree. Although Jack managed to keep her at arms distance, he continued flirting right back.

After they had finished with the bed, Jack led the way over to the other items they had been looking at, and very soon… though not nearly soon enough for Ennis… they were at the register paying for the things they had decided on, and arranging for them to be delivered later that day.

"Here's yer receipt, Mr. Twist… Jack…" Mandy said her voice soft and seductive. Jack grinned and beamed his eyes at her, and Ennis couldn't contain the almost silent growl that escaped his throat.

"Thank ya kindly, ma'am, me and Ennis here are new to these parts, but I'm sur' we'll see each other around."

"I'll look forward to that," Mandy purred and lowered her eyes coyly.

That was enough for Ennis, without saying a single word; he turned and stomped out of the store. Walking over to the truck, he kicked at the tire sending a bolt of pain up his leg. "Shit!" he said harshly, his voice breaking a bit, and then he whipped the door open, climbed behind the wheel, and slammed the door shut.

Furiously, he wiped his brow with his sleeve, and sat staring stonily out the windshield. When Jack finally came out and climbed into the truck, he was still sitting there, still as stone, jaw clenched so tight his teeth were beginning to ache.

Jack looked at him for a moment, but said nothing, _**"What did I do now…?"**_ He thought, completely confused.

Ennis emitted another growl, this one much louder and raw sounding. Then, still without a word, he started the truck and pulled out of the lot a bit faster the necessary, the tires whining a bit on the asphalt.

Neither said anything on the ride home. Ennis was too angry to say anything that was not a cuss word, and Jack was too confused, and wary of Ennis' demeanor to say anything.

When they pulled into the driveway, Ennis pulled the truck into the garage, and got out, slamming the door. He walked calmly over to the pegboard on the wall and hung the truck keys up. Then, without saying anything, he stomped out of the garage and headed for the barn.

Totally bewildered, Jack stepped out of the garage, and stood watching as Ennis led his horse out of the barn, climbed on its back and rode away.

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The van with their new furniture in it arrived at 4:00. Jack looked around and saw no sign of Ennis. Sighing, he went out to the yard, and enlisted the help of the drivers to take the stuff inside. Once everything was in place, Jack gave each of the men a $20 tip and thanked them for their help.

Sweaty from lugging furniture, Jack massaged a little stitch in his back and went to the kitchen for a beer. While he had the door open, he peered in to see what they had on hand for supper prospects. _"Hmm… not a heck of'a lot in here… have to go shoppin' in the mornin'… maybe Ennis would like to go out… that is if he's speaking to me again!"_

Sighing again, Jack swung the refrigerator door shut, and taking his beer with him stepped out the door on to the western side of the porch. At the furthest end, sat a porch swing. It had been in the barn, along with a lot of other old junk, and Ennis had moved it here to the porch when cleaning out stalls for the horses.

Jack eyed it suspiciously, and then decided to sit on the steps instead. While he sat there, thinking about Ennis' behavior and wondering what could have caused him to get so mad, the sun went down, and the shadows in the yard became longer and wider, until the light was completely covered. Jack was so deep in thought, that he didn't realize how late it was until the spotlight on the front of the garage clicked on. The light was on a timer, and was set to turn on at 8:00 each night. Blinking at the light, Jack became worried.

"_Where in the hell is he?"_ Jack thought, his stomach beginning to jump around as he remembered another night that long ago summer on Brokeback, when he sat in the dark worrying and waiting on Ennis.

Jack had ridden into camp late in the day. He was hungry as he ever remembered being, and tired to his very bones. When he rounded the last tree and rode into the clearing, he was not completely surprised to find Ennis not there. More then once Jack had come into camp and found that Ennis was down at the creek getting water.

Hitching his horse to a tree, he walked over and looked at the fire pit to see what was for supper. Nothing… there was nothing cooking at all, not even any coffee in the pot. _"Where the fuck is that man…"_ Jack thought, and his stomach gave a loud grumble.

He sat by the fire for a while, sipping whiskey from the half full bottle they had left, and watching it get dark. Finally, when his stomach would not stop its incessant rumbling, Jack had given in and opened a can of beans. _"Beans… yuck… hate these fuckin' thin's… always did!"_

Deciding that heating them wouldn't really help the taste much, he proceeded to eat them cold. Only after he finished the can, and threw it into the fire, did he take a good look around and realize how dark it was. _"Shit… where the hell is he… he ought've been back by now."_

Not sure what to do, and becoming more scared every minute that something had happened to Ennis, Jack sat and fretted. Twice he got up and started for his horse, thinking he would ride out and try to find him, but both times common sense told him it was dark, and even if he was out there somewhere, hurt or dying, Jack would never be able to find him. _"Could ride right past 'em and not even know!"_

Finally, when Jack was almost in tears with worry, and just when he was thinking _"Fuck it… can't sit here waitin' no more… gotta go look…". _He heard horse's hooves approaching the clearing. Seconds later, Ennis had ridden into camp, and Jack had felt the most profound wave of relief wash over him that for a moment he almost ran to Ennis and hugged him. Restraining himself, Jack found himself bitching at Ennis so he wouldn't know how worried he had been.

As soon as Ennis had stepped into the firelight and he saw the cut on his head, Jack's stomach had dropped and all his concern came flying back, and the only words he could choke out were, "What in the hell happen'd Ennis?"

Without even thinking about it at all, he had whipped off his bandanna and wet it. Tentatively, he held it up to Ennis head. When his fingers made contact with Ennis skin, they had begun to tingle. Angrily, Jack had pushed the feeling aside, and felt both profound relief and disappointment when Ennis grabbed the rag from him, removing the need for him to continue touching him.

"See," he shrugged off the memory and told himself aloud, his voice in the quiet making him jump but oddly reassuring him at the same time, "Ennis… he does these things… nothin' to fret about, Jack. Any minute now he'll come riding up and everythin' will be just fine."

As though this thought had conjured him out of the air, Ennis suddenly appeared from around the barn. He was leading the horse and didn't even look toward the house, just continued on into the barn.

Jack continued to sit on the step, thinking that Ennis would come out of the barn and they would go into the house. He would find out what had made Ennis so angry, and make it better, and then they would maybe go break in that nice new bed.

He sat and sat, and still Ennis didn't come back out of the barn. Finally, at the end of his patience and fed up with Ennis' constant moodiness, Jack placed his beer bottle on the railing, stood up and whispered, "Fuck you too, Del Mar…" then he turned and walked quietly into the house, his shoulders slumped in defeat.

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Ennis had spent the entire evening riding along the fence line of the property. His mind was in a turmoil but even more so, his chest was tight and breathing hurt.

_"Jack Fuckin' Twist…" _

The problem was, that Ennis knew he was being stupid, had known Jack long enough and well enough to know that Jack had no interest in that little store clerk. That wasn't what bothered him. What was getting to him… eating him up inside and making his heart ache… was the fact that Jack had used that smile… that smile that Ennis thought of as his, a smile just for Ennis… on that clerk. Ennis cringed inwardly when he imagined who else Jack might have been flashing that smile at over the years, and felt sick to his stomach at the thought.

Finally, when all the light was gone from the sky, and Ennis was starting to feel the exhaustion from barely sleeping the night before seeping through his body, he made his way back to the ranch. Dismounting, he opened the pasture gate, and led the mare across the open yard and into the barn.

He took his time brushing down the mare, giving both horses fresh hay, and making sure they had plenty of water.

Finally, when he could find nothing else in the barn to do, he stepped out into the yard and bolted the barn door behind him. Walking slowly across the yard, he spotted the truck sitting there in the yard, and veered in that direction rather then toward the house.

Digging around behind the passenger seat, he brought out a bag. In the bag were two bottles of whiskey that he and Jack had picked up in town.

Taking the bag into the house, Ennis blinked against the darkness as he stepped inside. The house was completely dark, except for a sliver of light coming from under the door of the master bedroom.

_"Jack musta gone to bed already… what time is it?" _

Steppin' into the kitchen he looked at the stove to see the little digital clock. He whistled low. "_10:30,"_ he thought, _"no wonder I'm tired… ain't more'en 6 hours in the last 4 days_."

Stepping back into the living room, Ennis noticed that the furniture had arrived and was all arranged in the living room. Snapping on the lights, Ennis sucked in his breath when he spotted a coffee table in front of the sofa. He had admired that coffee table greatly, liking the flow of the wood grain and the smooth polished surface. Jack had obviously noticed him admiring the table and had added it to their purchases as a surprise for him.

"Aw fuck, Jack!" he mumbled as he walked into the living room and sat down on the sofa. Taking a bottle from the bag, he cracked the seal and took a long hard pull on the bottle.

Looking at the coffee table, Ennis felt like a king-size jerk for acting the way he did. He thought about going upstairs and taking Jack in his arms, saying he was sorry and making up to him for taking off and leaving him all alone to lug the new furniture in by himself.

Then the image of Jack, smiling his 'Ennis' smile at that little clerk and who knows who all else, and he thought, "Fuck it!". Taking another long drink of whiskey, he closed his eyes and tried not to see Jack's blue eyes staring at him as he rode away from him.

When Jack woke up, it was still very dark. Instinctively, he reached his hand out, searching for Ennis' comforting warmth, odd how that habit had stuck with him for over 20 years ever since Brokeback.. His hand searched about for a minute, and then he opened his eyes and looked… nothing… nothing there but cold empty bed.

Sitting up, he rubbed his eyes and looked at the clock beside the bed, 3 am. Sighing, Jack got out of bed. He groaned a bit as he stretched. The stitch in his back was still there, only a bit worse. Barefooted, he walked out onto the landing, and looked over the railing.

Ennis was sprawled out on the new couch. He had lit a fire in the fireplace, and although it was burning low, it still gave off enough light for Jack to see that Ennis was asleep, a half-full bottle of whiskey in danger of falling out of his hand.

Padding down the stairs, Jack walked quietly over to the couch. Gently, and finding no resistance, Jack removed the bottle from Ennis' hand and placed it on the coffee table… the one that Ennis had liked so much that Jack had bought it for him as a surprise.

Kneeling down on the floor in front of the couch, he studied Ennis' face. In sleep, his face was relaxed and peaceful. Reaching out his hand, he brushed a wisp of blonde hair from his forehead.

"What's botherin' ya, cowboy… sure do wish ya would talk to me 'bout thin's 'stead of ridin' away from me… seems we've both done 'enough a that ov'r the years." He whispered as he continued to stroke Ennis' hair.

Ennis twitched in his sleep, and moaned. Unable to resist, Jack leaned forward and gently brushed his lips over Ennis'. No pressure, just a fluttery little kiss. Ennis twitched again, and clear as day said his name, "Jack!", and moaned again, this time a bit louder, and Jack could hear the longing in both his voice and that moan.

Jack brushed his lips across Ennis' again, and said in a low voice, "Wake up, Cowboy."

Another moan, and then Ennis' eyes snapped open and looked into Jack's.

"Jack?" he said, blurry and slurred, but somethin' in his voice told Jack that he was glad to see him.

"Whatcha doin' down here on the couch, Ennis?" Jack asked, his voice low and a bit hurt.

"Was mad at ya." Ennis replied, pushing Jack back a bit and sitting up on the couch. He rubbed his eyes with his palms, and then kept his face buried in them.

Jack stood up, and sat next to Ennis on the couch, keeping his distance. "I know Ennis… but I can't say I know why." Jack's voice was still low, confusion replacing the hurt.

His face still covered by his hands, Ennis' voice came out muffled, "ya was flirting with that clerk."

"What?" Jack asked, his voice breaking a bit, "What clerk… oh shit!"

"_**I'll be dammed… Ennis Del Mar is jealous!"**_

Ennis made a low moaning sound, and abruptly stood up from the couch. Spinning around and stumbling a bit, his eyes flashing and shiny with tears Ennis said, "I didn' like it Jack… not one bit… hurt like hell ta see ya smilin' at her like that… tha way you smile at me… smiling that smile for jus' me at her… me standin' right there… was like ya was rubbin' my face in tha fact she want'd ya…! Made me wonder who else ya been givin' my smile away ta…ah… fuck it… whatdo I care... do what ya want!"

Taking a lurching step forward, Ennis started for the door, but Jack was completely sober and not nearly as exhausted so he moved faster. Going around the couch, he stepped in front of Ennis before he could take more then a few shuffling steps. Putting out his hands, he placed them on Ennis' shoulders, stopping his forward motion easily.

"Ennis…" He said, his voice low and loving.

"What?" Ennis snapped, his voice clearer, but still foggy.

"Look at me…" Jack replied, and used his fingers to bring Ennis' face up, Ennis resisted, but Jack was relentless and Ennis finally gave in. Looking into Ennis eyes Jack said quietly, "Doncha know nothin', Ennis Del Mar? Sure, I smiled at that lil' gal cause I didn' want to hurt her feelin's, but there ain't but one person I wanna be with."

Jack wiped a stray tear from Ennis' face, and caressed his cheek with his thumb before leaning in toward him and whispering, "you are the most stubborn man I ever met, and ya make me so mad sometim's I could choke ya… but god help me, I love ya… and there ain't no man or woman on earth that kin change that!" Smiling, he placed his hand on the back of Ennis' head and gently pulled his head to his shoulder. They stood in the firelight for several moments, Jack holding Ennis tightly to him, Ennis resting his head on Jack's shoulder, letting Jack comfort him.

After several moments, Jack pulled away. "So, cowboy, whatda ya say? Wanna come up and join me. That bed is awful big and lonesome all by myself?"

Ennis simply nodded, and followed Jack up the stairs. Once in the room, Ennis flopped on his back on the bed, fully clothed.

Shaking his head, Jack walked over and began unbuttoning his shirt, "I swear, Ennis… sometim's I don' know what I'm gonna…wha'… ooof…!"

Suddenly, Ennis reached out and grabbed Jack, pulling him down on top of him, and claiming his mouth in a burning kiss. Wrapping his arms around Jack, Ennis rolled them both over so that Jack was pinned beneath him on the bed. Lips still sealed with Jack's, Ennis began running his hands over Jack's arms and chest, his touch was rough and unrelenting, and Jack could feel desire welling up inside him from the intensity of it.

Jack closed his eyes and reveled in Ennis' passion… his mouth burned a path across Jack's jaw and neck… his hips and legs molded to Jack's so closely they were almost one…. hands, rough and calloused from many years of ranch work, ran across Jack's skin, leaving a trail of tingling possession.

Suddenly, in the middle of a long bruising kiss, Ennis placed his arms on either side of Jack's head and pushed, rearing up on his elbows so his face hovered inches above Jack's. Bringing his hands to Jack's face, he ran his thumbs across Jack's eyebrows and smiled at the shiver that ran the length of Jack's body at the touch.

His voice and stormy brown eyes full of so many emotions that Jack could never begin to name them, Ennis growled, his voice raw, "You're mine, Jack Twist…". As though to make sure his point was made, Ennis ground his hips against Jack's, causing him to moan and buck against him to return the pressure. Kissing Jack's throat roughly, running a hand down his arm and then up to tangle his fingers in Jack's hair, tugging slightly, he continued, his lips pressed to the soft skin below Jack's ear, "Ain' noone ever gonna touch you like this 'cept me…".

Bringing his lips back to Jack's he kissed him lightly, barely pressing against Jack's swollen lips, and thrusting his tongue into his mouth and withdrawing it quickly, bringing forth another moan from Jack as Ennis pulled back and Jack strained upward trying to hold his lips to his. His lips pressed to Jack's cheek, Ennis whispered, "ain't noone never gonna kiss ya like that but me".

Then looking into Jack's eyes again, he said in a very different voice… one full of love and yearning "Ain't noone nev'r gonna love ya like I do, Jack… you're mine… an don'cha nev'r ferget it!"

Jack felt heat and happiness spread to every part of his being at these words… words that he had longed to hear for so long, perhaps more sweet for the waiting.

"_**Took ya long enough to figur' it out…!"**_

Jack brought his hands up and placed them on Ennis' face, rubbing his thumbs gently across his cheeks, and burying his fingers in his thick blonde curls. Looking into Ennis' eyes, Jack whispered, "That's right, Ennis Del Mar… I'm all yers… every single part'a me… I ain't want'd noone 'cept you since I first laid eyes on ya…I love ya more then anythin' and I ain't never gonna want or need noone else… and don'tcha never forget it!"

Gently pressing on the back of Ennis head, he brought their lips together.

Ennis' closed his eyes for a moment as though it hurt to keep them open, and then he wretched his lips away from Jack's. Keeping his eyes closed he took a deep breath and said in a tight voice, "Jack… I wanna… I…" his voice cutting off abruptly when Jack brought his hands down, running them across his shoulders and slowly down to the top of his jeans. Looping his fingers through Ennis' belt, he tugged lightly, causing a low keening, sound to escape Ennis' partially open lips.

"Wanna what, Cowboy?" Jack asked running his hands up under Ennis' shirt and massaging little circles on his back with his finger tips. Ennis shuddered at the touch, and his hips shifted forward slightly, sending a bolt of heat through Jack's already singing blood.

"Jack…," Ennis was gasping now, his eyes still closed tightly and his fingers flexing involuntarily on Jack's arms, "I wanna…" again he stopped and shifted down slightly, bringing his lips down and kissing Jack's chest and moving lower to his stomach.

Jack swallowed hard as comprehension dawned on him. Squeezing his eyes shut, he groaned loudly and felt his body tightening in anticipation. This was something that they had talked about before, that Jack had done many times because he knew how crazy it made Ennis, but it was something that Ennis had never… in the 20 years they had been making love, and doing all they could to please each other… been able to bring himself to do.

Opening his eyes, Jack looked down at Ennis whose mouth was kissing a burning path across Jack's stomach. "Ennis…" he said, his voice straining with the effort. Ennis raised his eyes and looked at Jack, his lips still on Jack's stomach, continuing to kiss a circle across the muscles that twitched and heaved there, "you sure…?" Jack asked, hoping against hope that the answer would be yes, but wanting to give Ennis a chance to change his mind.

Ennis nodded, and continued kissing down Jack's stomach until he reached the waistband of the boxers that Jack had worn to bed. Jack, his eyes shut tight, felt the bed move and then felt the cool air touching his skin as Ennis slowly and carefully slid them down his hips and legs and pulled them over his feet, tossing them in a corner.

Clenched tight as a drum, Jack, his breath coming in hitches, waited to feel Ennis hands on his skin. When what felt like hours passed and Jack felt nothing, he opened his eyes and looked up to see Ennis standing next to the bed just looking at him.

Feeling uncomfortable under Ennis' burning gaze, Jack shifted slightly on the bed, and said, "Ennis… somethin' wrong…?"

Ennis' voice was full of awe and naked hunger when he said, "Not nomore."

Reaching out a hand, Ennis ran the tips of his fingers gently across Jack's stomach, and Jack moaned loudly and rolled his face into the pillow to stifle the sound.

"No…" Ennis said, and gently turned his head from the pillow, "don't…I wanna hear you…"

Jack looked at Ennis, blue eyes glazed and pleading, and reached a hand out to him. Ennis took Jack's hand and pressed a kiss into his palm. Jack closed his eyes and felt Ennis hands and mouth on his skin. Moaning loudly again, and hearing Ennis whisper, "I love you, Jack" then feeling Ennis' hot breath on his stomach and moving lower, Jack balled his hands up in the sheets and surrendered to the sensations that spiraled thorough his body.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Much later, Jack lay wrapped in Ennis' arms, his head resting on his shoulder as they watched the sky lighten outside the windows. Occasionally, Ennis nuzzled Jack's hair and placed little kisses behind his ear.

They were talking about the ranch and the changes and improvements they wanted to make.

Suddenly, during a brief lull in the conversation Jack, completely out of the blue, turned a bit in Ennis arms so he could see his face and said, "Ennis… what did you mean when you said 'not nomore'?"

Ennis looked startled by the question, and his face began to redden a bit. "Well…" he began and cleared his throat, "all I meant was there weren't nothing wrong no more…"

"There was somethin' wrong?" Jack asked, confused.

"The only thin' wrong was that I was too stupid ta know how much I need ya with me all the time…" Ennis said, tightening his arms around him and burying his face in Jack's neck, nuzzling the sensitive skin under his jaw.

Jack smiled, and closed his eyes, tilting his head to give Ennis easier access, he whispered, "glad ya finally figur'd it out, Cowboy."

18


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: The Missing Link**

Later in the morning, after Ennis had fed and watered the horses, and they had eaten a quick breakfast, they set about arranging the furniture the way they wanted it, and then went up to the bedroom to unpack the things they had brought with them.

Jack, of course, had many more boxes then Ennis did, and when Ennis was finished, there were still a lot of boxes that needed to be unpacked. Shaking his head at the pitiful amount of clothes he had compared to Jack's, Ennis grabbed a box and began helping him to unpack his stuff.

Emptying a box, he broke it down and tossed it on the growing stack on the landing, He stretched his back, groaning a bit, and grabbed another box. This one was smaller and from the looks of it had been around a while. Unlike the others that had been sealed with packing tape, this one was tied with a piece of baling twine.

Using his pocket knife, Ennis cut the string, and pulled the flaps open. Sitting on the top was a little cowboy sitting on a horse. Darkened and slightly yellowed, the toy appeared to have been around awhile. Setting it on the bed, Ennis reached in and pulled out a lamp with a model covered wagon for a base.

"Hey, Jack…" he said, intrigued by the boxes contents, "this stuff from when ya was a boy?"

Stepping out of the closet, Jack stiffened when he saw the box that Ennis was pawing through… _**"shit!"**_

"Ennis… wait… lemme…" Jack began; dropping the shirt he was holding and walking quickly across the room…

"What tha… Jesus, Jack… don' ya throw nothin' away, rich as ya are… whatcha keepin' this ratty old shirt…" suddenly Ennis' voice began to fade as recognition dawned on his face, _"I know this shirt…"_

"Just an old shirt my ma, kept… don' know why…" Jack said quickly, and reached out trying to take the shirt from Ennis hands. Ennis turned at the last minute, keeping the shirt out of Jack's reach.

"Jack… this's yer shirt from Brokeback… ain't it…?" Ennis lifted the shirt's sleeve and saw the dried brown splotches near the cuff. His heart beating a mile a minute, he ran his thumb across the dried brown spots...blood… his blood… never washed away from a shirt never worn again.

Seeing the expression on Ennis' face, Jack drew a panicky breath, and reached out again, trying to snatch the shirt from his hand. _**"Oh, God… just get it away from him, Twist… this ain't happening…"**_

"Just a shirt… didn't fit no more so I guess it nev'r got washed…" making one more swipe at the shirt and missing again as Ennis moved to evade his hands, Jack cringed when the lower part of the shirt flopped open and a bit of white striped cloth showed through.

Jack heard Ennis gasp, and his heart sank even further… _**"Fuck!"**_

Walking a few steps away, Ennis, his fingers trembling, unbuttoned the blue denim shirt and felt tears pricking at the corners of his eyes at what lay beneath it. His shirt… the one that he had believed lost 30 years ago, was nestled inside of Jack's, the bloody sleeves together, one inside the other.

Ennis turned and looked at Jack. Jack was standing in the same spot, his head down, and shoulders slumped. "Jack…," Ennis said his voice low and hoarse… "what…why…?"

Jack shrugged and said in a choked voice, "Don' know… after that fight, thought ma'be ya hated me… knew ya was gonna leave me… but I still loved ya… wanted ta keep a part'a ya… so I took yer shirt when ya weren' lookin'… pretty stupid, huh?"

"Jack…" Ennis said again, his heart throbbing with pain, sorrow and love, "all this time… even after went met up again… all these years ya kep' these…" his voice was hoarse and Jack had to strain to hear him.

"Was all I had'a ya! Only thin' I had during the months that I could'n be with ya."

Ennis walked forward, and wrapped his arms around Jack, hugging him tightly and planting a kiss on his ear. "Well… ya got the whole thin' now, Darlin', don' need no more souvenirs," he whispered softly.

Wiping his face with his sleeve, Jack pulled away still hiding his face from Ennis. He felt stupid and humiliated and tried to cover his embarrassment with bravado.

"Yeah, well…" Jack said, and turned to pull the shirts from Ennis' hand. Ennis didn't resist this time, "guess you're right… don' need em no more…"

Smiling weakly, still avoiding Ennis' eyes, Jack said, "Yers might still fit… yer scrawny as ya was when ya was 19, but mine won't", he patted his belly to emphasize his point, and added, "might fit ya though…" and started toward the stairs, "Guess I'll just put these in the laundry room…"

"Wait," Ennis said, and walked across the room. Removing the shirts from Jack's hand, he straightened them so they were molded together again leaving the denim shirt unbuttoned so the white plaid shirt showed. Picking up a hanger from the bed, he placed them on the hanger.

Jack watched as Ennis crossed the room and hung them carefully on a picture hook on the wall. He fussed and twitched with it until he was sure they were straight, and then walked across the room to the dresser. Opening a drawer that contained his and Jack's socks and boxers, Ennis reached into the back and pulled out a metal box with a padlock on it.

Head down, Ennis crossed the room slowly, and placed the box and a brass key in Jack's hands.

"Ennis…?" Jack asked, puzzled and surprised.

"Jus' open it…" Ennis muttered his voice low and raw, his head lowered so that his chin was almost touching his chest.

A look of confusion on his face, Jack fumbled with the key, and finally got the old lock open. Lifting the lid, he peered into the box, and felt every wisp of air rush out of his lungs when he saw what was inside.

_They were leaving… Aguirre had told him that very morning to bring the sheep down. Jack didn't know for sure, but he had a hunch that the weather had nothing to do with them begin brought down early. He had seen that big old pair of binoculars slung over the saddle horn while Aguirre sat there and glared at him. _

_He couldn't understand why Ennis was behaving the way he was, weren't like they were saying good-bye… was it? Jack felt a little bit of panic enter his chest as he looked up and saw Ennis sitting alone in the middle of the field. "My poor cowboy…" he thought as he grabbed his rope and started up the hill. _

_Several minutes later, as he sat on that same hill, watching Ennis walk away and holding on to the side of his face where Ennis had slugged him, he suddenly realized that that was exactly why Ennis was acting the way he was. They were going to say good-bye… and his heart began to hurt so badly that any pain he may have felt from the punch was erased completely. _

_He sat on the hill for several moments before he worked up the courage to walk back down to the camp. When he got there, there was no sign of Ennis… only his bloody shirt hanging on a tree branch. _

_Jack heard splashing down by the creek, and surmised that Ennis must have gone down to wash the blood from his face and hands. _

_Feeling lost and trying to figure out a way to stop what he knew was coming, Jack looked around desperately, and his eyes kept landing on that shirt. Hanging there on the branch, the cuff and lower sleeve all bloody just like his own, and on an impulse, not even thinking or quite aware of what he was doing, he grabbed the shirt, wrapped it up in a ball, and stuffed it deep into his saddle bag. _

_He knew taking the shirt would not change or solve anything, but somehow, knowing that he had a piece of Ennis… or at least something that belonged to him… made it possible for him to breathe again. _

_As he was pulling his hand back out of his bag, Ennis walked into the clearing. Bare-chested with water dripping from his face and hair, the sun shining behind him, Jack thought he looked like a Greek god. Sucking in a breath and struggling to quell the immediate reaction in his nether regions, Jack watched Ennis as he paused for a moment, eyes locking with Jack's and then lowered his head and walked to his horse. _

_Keeping his head down, he dug around in his bag until he found a clean shirt, and then quickly pulled it on. _

_Sighing, and wishing he could find something… anything to say that would convince Ennis that they did not have to say good-bye, Jack turned and shoulders slumped walked toward the stream._

_***********************************************************************_

_Ennis watched Jack walk away, and the pain in his heart throbbed stronger. He wanted nothing more then to grab Jack, kiss him until neither of them could breathe, and beg him to stay with him. Here… Lightening Flat… Timbuktu… Anywhere… he didn't care… as long as he didn't have to say good-bye to this man that had consumed his soul… lifted him up to a place that he hadn't even known existed, and now appeared to be planning to leave him there alone._

_Ennis couldn't understand Jack. Why wasn't he upset about them having to leave early? Didn't he care about Ennis at all… or was this all just a summer fling for him… another notch on his belt… something to laugh about… "Yep… ole Ennis Del Mar… a funny one he was… thought I actually cared 'bout him!" _

_Ennis stood next to his horse, leaning against the strong, solid body, and fought back the tears that had been threatening to fall ever since Jack had told him… so calm and nonchalant, like it meant nothing and mattered little to him… that they were to bring the sheep down nearly a month early. _

_Feeling lost and trying to figure out a way to stop what he knew was coming, Ennis looked around desperately, and his eyes landed on a metal object. The sun glinted off the tarnished metal, and Ennis stepped forward to pick up the object from the stump where Jack had left it. _

_He wanted desperately to have something, anything, to remember this summer… something real that he could touch and look at, something to prove that this whole summer hadn't been nothing but a wonderful dream. _

_He wanted so badly to remember… how happy he had felt… how good it was to have someone to talk to that listened and cared what he had to say…how good it felt to Want to talk to Jack, joke with him, watching and listening in awe as he laughed that intoxicating laugh of his that sent little tremors of joy through Ennis' body whenever he heard it. More then anything, he wanted something to remind how good it felt to lay with Jack and feel his arms around him holding him close, like he was precious, was loved and wanted, a feeling that Ennis had never known in his life until that summer. He wanted to remember what it was like to hold Jack in his arms, hoping that he to could feel how much Ennis wanted and loved him and being filled with that sense of completion, that oneness that swept him away and blocked out everything except the man he was holding._

_Desperately trying to hold on to all these things and not wanting to let any of that go, no matter how much he hated that he felt anything at all because obviously Jack did not return that feeling… Ennis put the object in his bag._

"Ennis…" Jack whispered his voice hoarse and strained as he reached into the box and pulled out the tarnished metal object. He had to smile at the lopsided appearance of it, slightly squashed and bent. He could see where it was a bit more worn then when he had last seen it, the finish dulled by repeated handling of calloused fingers… fingers that knew how to work hard but also knew how to be gentle and tender… fingers that knew exactly what to do and where to touch to drive Jack insane.

"Oh, Ennis…" he gasped, perhaps for the first time in his life at a complete loss for words. A sob escaped his throat, and a tear dropped from his chin and landed on the harmonica in his hands.

His voice hoarse, Ennis said, "I wanted somethin' to remember ya… remember how good it was with us," drawing a shuddering breath, he continued, "I'm sorry 'bout that punch… don' guess I ever did say that. I was hurtin' somethin' awful… thought of leavin' ya rippin' me ta shreds… an ya seemed so… jus' seemed like ya didn' care at all that we was parting…" Ennis drew another deep breath that caught in his throat.

"I know I a'ways bitch'd bout ya playin' that thin' but… inside… inside I lov'd when ya play'd it… lov'd how yer face would light up and yer eyes would twinkle. A'ways knew ya was happy when ya dug that damn thin' out and start'd in playin' it… loved everythin' ya did… even yer damn bitchin' about the stupid beans!"

Jack smiled at this, and then looked down at his old harmonica again…

_Jack remembered well that day when he had arrived at his parent's farm. He had felt dejected, and empty. He had gone up to his room, and unpacked his pitiful belongings. _

_When he pulled Ennis' shirt out of the bag, he raised it to his face and inhaled Ennis' scent. The pain of his loss hit him like a ton of bricks and he slumped down on his bed, clutching Ennis shirt to his chest, his face buried in it, and cried. _

_He didn't know how long he lay there crying, when he had fallen asleep, all he knew was that when he woke the smell of Ennis was in his nose, and for just a moment he lay there with his eyes closed pretending that Ennis was lying there with him, and all he had to do was reach out his hand and he would feel that smooth warm skin under his hungry fingers. _

_Finally, he opened his eyes and sat up. Sighing deeply, he rubbed Ennis' shirt against his cheek one more time… though most certainly not for the last time; over the following 16 years he would repeat this same thing over and over. Each time he went to his parents after one of their fishing trips he would take out those shirts, and once again cry himself to sleep over what could have been, and what he had to give up each time he and Ennis parted… and on legs that felt rubbery, he went to the closet and got a hanger. Taking it and the shirt back to the bed, he placed Ennis' shirt on the hanger, and then dug his own bloody shirt out of his bag. Carefully, he threaded the sleeves of Ennis' shirt inside of his own, making sure that the bloody patches rested against each other. Running his fingers softly across the surface of Ennis' shirt one last time, he whispered Ennis' name, and then buttoned his own shirt over the top of it, keeping it warm and safe. _

_After he hung the shirts in the back of closet, he unpacked the rest of his bag, looking for one more item… something that he thought to place in the pocket of that shirt of his… something that he would never play again, but that he would never ever part with. _

_As he looked for it, he couldn't help but smile a watery smile when he remembered the exasperated look that Ennis always got on his face whenever he took it out and began trying to play a tune on it. Though Ennis always complained and fussed about the "racket" he made, Jack could hear the amusement and affection in his voice and knew that secretly Ennis enjoyed his antics with "that darn noisemaker"._

_ Frowning, he finally upended that bag, scattering the contents on the bed, some of it falling to the floor beside his bed. _

_"Where is it?" he muttered, beginning to feel panicky. He began pawing through the things on the bed frantically until at last he gave up and his face was once again wet with the knowledge that he had somehow lost or forgotten his harmonica on the mountain. _

_That was how his mother had found him, standing in the middle of his room, clothes scattered around his feet, and face buried in his hands and tears running through his fingers as he sobbed, heartbroken, over the loss of a battered old harmonica._

"Ennis…" Jack choked, and walked slowly across the room to throw his arms around Ennis. Sobbing into Ennis' shoulder he ranted, "God… we were so fuckin' stupid! If one of us had uttered just one little word neither of us woulda walk'd away! Shit… I hate myself… I hate that stupid idiot of a 19 year old… so sure of hisself, but too fuckin' scared ta hold onta what he really wanted!"

Ennis brought his arms up around Jack and shushed him quietly, rubbing his back and just letting him cry out 16 years of pain and regret, waiting until he had calmed down some before replying quietly, the words pouring out of him from a faucet finally opened by the knowledge that this man in his arms had loved him for so long and so well that he had never given up on him… that he had kept his shirt, just like he himself had kept Jack's harmonica, because something in them both simply could not live without at least some little part of the other.

"I useta hate that 19 year old inside me… hated him for lovin' ya so hard… hated him fer not havin' the guts ta beg ya not to leave… but I don' no more. We was so young, Jack… jus' kids… neither of us knew what we was doin' on that mountain… no… the me I hate is that stupid fuckin' idiot of a 23 year old that let ya get away again. Shoulda learned durin' them 4 years we were apart that I couldn' live without ya… shoulda never let ya get away from me again!"

"Ya did what ya had ta, Ennis… I know that now… didn't fer a long time… blam'd ya fer all my pain and loneliness, but really… was me that brought that on me. If I had jus' thought about it, I woulda known that someday, when yer kids were grow'd ya would realize that we need each other to much to stay apart forever."

Ennis pulled back and looked at Jack's face, and reached up to wipe his cheeks with his thumbs. Smiling, he took the harmonica and walking over to the shirts, placed it, finally, in the pocket of Jack's denim shirt.

"There…" Ennis said as he walked back to Jack and swung his arm around his shoulders.

"Now, they can be both our remind'rs, something fer me ta look at when, I see ya smilin' at some little filly, or some fella we're doin' business with… can look at em when I need to rememb'r how much ya love me… and somethin' fer ya to look on when I'm bein' grumpy and impossible so's ya don't ferget who love's ya more then anythin' in this world." He ducked his head at this, and then lifted his face back to meet Jack's smiling gaze.

8


	12. Chapter 12

_**Chapter 12: I Ain' Missin' Ya… Much!**_

_**August 1985, J&E Ranch& Stud, Fort Collins, CO.**_

"Ennis!" Jack yelled his voice urgent and excited, as he walked into the kitchen from the porch. In his hand was a pile of envelopes and catalogs.

"Christ, Jack, I ain' deaf!" Ennis said as he turned the corner into the kitchen.

"Couldn' prove it by me," Jack stated blandly, with a twinkle in his eye and a smile playing across his lips. His eyes swept quickly over Ennis from head to foot, and he licked his lips absently, an unconscious gesture that always sent a shiver up Ennis' spine, and didn't fail to do so this time as well.

"_**Damn… five fuckin' hours drivin' and the man still looks good enough ta eat!" **__**  
**_Ennis flushed a bit and returned this statement with "Way ya flap yer lips, it's a wonder I ain' gone deaf in self-defense!" and his mouth twitched with a repressed grin. He leaned causally on the counter and returned Jack's silent appraisal, and his pleasure at seeing him obvious by the darkened color and smoldering look in his eyes and his sudden intake of breath.

"_**God… missed ya so bad… no idea how good it is ta see ya…"**_

"Don' recall ya complainin' too much 'bout my lips last week, Cowboy…" Jack replied with a sly grin, taking a small step forward as he began losing the battle to hold himself back.

Ennis flushed again, and glanced around quickly before replying in a low, voice, "Yeah, well, ya was puttin' 'em ta better use then… weren' ya?"

"Play yer cards right, Cowboy, an I jus' might decide to give ya a replay a that…" Jack replied, before he gave up and, quickly tossing the mail on the table, crossed the room in 3 steps to grab Ennis and wrap him up in a huge hug.

"Damn…"Jack whispered, into Ennis' shoulder, "I missed ya, Cowboy!"

"Missed you too, Darlin'," Ennis whispered and dropped a kiss on the side of Jack's head.  
Drawing back enough to see Ennis' face, but keeping his arms firmly around his waist, Jack asked, "How was it… was it awful as ya thought it would be?"

"Worse! I d'wanna talk bout it right now," Ennis said and waved his arm dismissively.  
"What do'ya wanna talk bout then?" Jack asked, though he could tell by the look on Ennis face that talking was the last thing on his mind.

Ennis proved him right, by bringing their lips together in a passionate but gentle kiss.

"Ehem!"

Ennis practically leapt across the room at the sound of someone clearing their throat.  
"_**Shit! Dammit… fergot ta close the damn door… all yer fault Ennis fer being so damned easy to lose myself in…"**_

Jack grimaced as he watched the color drain from Ennis' face and then immediately flood back in.  
Breathing a sigh of relief when he saw who it was that had walked in on them, Jack stepped forward and extended his hand to shake with the man standing in the kitchen doorway.

"Sandy!"

"You boys gonna be doing that kinda thin' in the lighta day, might be a good idea ta close the door first!" The man growled, although his rough demeanor was tempered by the smile around his eyes that quickly reached his mouth when he reached out his hand to return Jack's handshake.

"Jack." He said, pumping Jack's hand and clapping him on the back.

"Ennis," the man said and tipped his hat by way of greeting.

"Sheriff Sanborn," Ennis muttered, his eyes lowered to his boots. He tipped his hat in return, but continued to look down.

"Dammint, Del Mar, if I tole ya once I musta tole ya a million times," Sandy said, rolling his eyes at Jack and grinning, "call me Sandy! Ain' noone in this town called me Sheriff Sanborn in the damn near 10 years I held the job!"

"Yessir," Ennis muttered, and both Jack and Sandy chuckled.

"So," Sandy said, sensing and sympathizing with Ennis' discomfort and deciding to take pity on him, "what's goin' on… that is… a… well what's the occasion?" This time his face colored briefly. Though he had no issue with Jack and Ennis and their connection to each other, and he thought highly of both men, he found it difficult at times to ask questions directly related to their relationship. He knew it made Ennis uncomfortable to talk about it, so for the most part he avoided the topic unless it could not be avoided.

"Oh," Jack replied his eyes never leaving their lock with the set of brown eyes peering at him from beneath a hat brim, "no occasion really. Ennis just got back from Wyoming. Been gone four days."  
Sandy smirked at this last part, the words were casual, but Jack's tone of voice said it may as well have been months.

"Wyoming huh? Went up to visit the family I suppose."

"Yup," Jack replied, "his daughter, Alma Jr. just got engaged, Ennis went up to meet the boy she's fixin' to marry… weddin's in two weeks."

"Wow," Sandy exclaimed, genuine feeling in his voice, "congratulations, Ennis. Hope the boy met with yer likin'?"

"Seems a'right," Ennis replied, still looking down but his voice sounded a bit less stiff now that the subject was leaning away from he and Jack and into, what Ennis considered, 'safe' territory, "he'sa roughneck. Work's in tha oil fields."

"Glad to hear it, nice to know there're still some responsible young men out there." Sandy said, and frowned when he though of some the trouble that had been brewing around town lately.  
Sensing that Sandy was not there purely for social reasons, Jack cleared his throat, and asked, "So, what brings ya out this way, Sandy?"

"Right!" Sandy said, he face serious, "I just wanted ta let you fellas know, we been havin' some trouble with a group of teenagers around town. Bit of a rough bunch really, but I ain' been able to prove it's them causin' the trouble, so there ain much I can do at this point 'cept keep my eye on em and hope to catch em in the act."

"What kinda trouble we talkin' bout?" Ennis said quickly, his head snapping up and Jack winced when he heard the slight thread of fear in his voice and saw that his face was draining of color again.  
"_**Shit… this is not good… please don' get all work'd up, Ennis… we ain' had no trouble sense we been here… this don' mean there's any comin'…!"**_

"Ennis…" Jack said his concern evident in his voice. He wanted to put his arm around his, reassure him, but he knew from past experience that it was best to wait till they were alone. Ennis looked at him, a sort of anxious unease obvious in his eyes.

Witnessing the exchange, Sandy quickly added, "Now, there ain nothin' fer you fellas to worry bout. The kinda trouble these boys been causin' doesn' have nothin' ta do with… well… it ain' That kinda trouble. Mostly it's just vandalism, a lil' petty theft, that type of thin'. Just keep the barn closed and locked, and yer doors and the windows downstairs in the house too, an ya shouldn' have no trouble."  
Ennis released an audible sigh, and Jack could see some of the color returning to his face, though the worry lines still remained around his eyes. Thinking to relax the situation and change the subject, he invited Sandy to join he and Ennis in a drink, and then showed him into the living room. Coming back into the kitchen, he headed straight for Ennis.

"Ya ok, Cowboy?" He asked, touching Ennis arm.

"Fine," Ennis said, his voice a little strange, but not tense and strained like before, "jus'… fer a minute there…"

"I know," Jack said, "but ya heard Sandy. He wouldn' say we didn' need ta worry if it weren' true."  
"**_Christ, Ennis, don' worry so much… we're ok!"_**

"OK," Ennis replied and blew out a breath of air that ruffled a wisp of hair that had fallen onto his forehead.

Jack smiled, and brought a finger up to brush that hair off Ennis' forehead, saving his true comforting for after Sandy had left, knowing that any physical comforting would only serve to make Ennis uncomfortable.

He risked a pat on Ennis' arm, before turning away and walking to the kitchen island, pouring three glasses of whiskey and heading back to the living room.

His back to Ennis, Jack didn't see the look of concern and fear on his face when he watched Jack walk away, and didn't hear the deep sigh as he followed him to the living room.

Jack lay on his back with his arms above his head, elbows bent, and hands tucked under his head. He heard the water running in the bathroom, and smiled. The past week without Ennis had been rough. It was the first time they had been apart overnight since they had moved to Colorado over a year ago.

_The first night, Jack laid away for hours. He missed Ennis something fierce, missed his warmth, his quiet snoring, being able to reach out his hand touch him while he slept, just reassuring himself that he was there. He missed waking up in the wee hours of the morning barely able to breath with Ennis lying half on top of him, arms wrapped around him so tight, face buried in Jack's neck, as though he were afraid to let go, afraid that Jack might disappear while he slept if he didn't hold on tight. __  
__That night, Jack had fallen asleep with a heavy heart and a feeling of emptiness that he remembered all too well from the twenty years they had lived apart. _

_The next night had been worse. Jack couldn't seem to get rid of the horrible fear that Ennis might not come back._

_He knew it was silly to think and feel that way, of course Ennis was coming back… would only be gone four nights, but there was a part of Jack that couldn't help feeling scared of Ennis going to Riverton alone. A tiny little voice in Jack's head wouldn't shut up, and insisted on playing the 'What If' game. _

"_What if" Ennis gets there and realizes he misses his old life? _Think about it Jack… that ain't gonna happen… remember that shitty trailer?

"_What if" everyone in town knows bout us… what if they get after him? _I'd never know… would Alma call me? Proba'ly not… still hates me I 'magine, even if she and Ennis get on a'right now… shit… calm down, Twist! Ennis can take care'a himself… he'll be fine. 'Sides, ya jus' talk'd ta him earlier… didn' say nothin' bout noone botherin' him! Yer getting' bad as Ennis!

"_What if" Junior talks Ennis into staying there with her now that she's moving back to town? _That's stupid Jack, why would he walk away from a prosperin' ranch with his name on tha place to move in with his newly married daughter…

_But the one that scared Jack more then any of the others…_

"_What if" he gets there and realizes he made a big mistake… decides he's sick'a ya and wants ta stay there? _Now that'sa dumbass thought, Jack… Ennis loves ya… said so right as he was drivin' away!

_The thoughts went on and on until he finally couldn't take it anymore, and gave up. He went down to the living room and watched TV until it was time to go out to the barn. __  
__The third night started out pretty much the same as the previous night. Jack's mind started asking the "what if's" and his head began to pound from tension and lack of sleep. He sat on the sofa, watching a boring movie about some woman whose family was trying to make her think she was crazy. _

_Suddenly, the phone rang, and Jack, who must have dozed off in spite of himself, was so startled he fell off the sofa. Cursing, he looked at the clock. ___

"Fuck! Two in the damn morning… shit… hope it ain't Bobby…"

_Scrambling up, he grabbed the phone off the little table next to the chair. _

"_Hullo?" He said, fear and a little bit of anger in his voice._

_On the other end a strange voice began speaking, "I have a collect call from," and Ennis' voice sounding far away, "umm… s'me, Bud", again the strange voice spoke, saying, "will you except the charges?"_

"_Yes!" Jack said, his voice coming out in a rush of relief and disbelief._

"_Thank you," the strange voice said, and Jack heard a beep and a click, and then Ennis' voice came through much clearer. _

"_Hey, Jack." ___

"**_Thank, God... need'd ta hear ya voice…"_**

_A wave of happiness coursed through him at the sound of Ennis voice, but was quickly replaced by another bout of fear._

"_Ennis?" Jack said, "ya ok, Cowboy? Everythin' a'right there?"_

"_I'm fine, Bud. Everythin's ok here… how are you?" Ennis replied, and Jack could hear the exhaustion in his voice._

"_Doin' ok… ranch is runnin' good… oh… and Salamar foaled this mornin'… young'un looks jus' like the stallion…"_

_Jack talked on for a few more minutes, telling Ennis about all that had been happening since he'd been gone. Finally after about 5 minutes, Ennis' voice cut him off._

"_Jack…"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Miss ya, Darlin'… can't hardly sleep without ya," this was said in a low gravelly voice, and Jack could hear how lonely Ennis was. _

"_I miss you too, Babe." Jack whispered, and sat down heavily in the chair. _

"_Wish ya was here, Jack." Ennis said, and sighed heavily. _

"_I know, Bud, but we both decid'd it'd be better fer me ta stay here, keep an eye on thin's." Jack replied. _

"_I know that!" Ennis said, "still wish… anyway… how's Gary workin' out?"_

_When Jack and Ennis had started up their horse breeding venture, they both had doubts about whether it was gonna work. Although Ennis was a natural with horses and seemed to have a way with them that amazed everyone with the good fortune to witness it, neither of them had ever really run a business before and at first they were a bit lost. _

_Several months after moving into their new home, after most of the immediate repairs and changes were finished, Ennis and Jack made a trip to Wyoming looking at horses. Then they traveled to Texas on the same mission. When they returned they had with them a nice group of prime horse stock. Applying Ennis talent with horses and Jack's salesmanship, the J&E Horse Ranch and Stud Farm, was born._

_In the relatively short time they had been in business, they managed to amass a nice little clientele that included several large ranches known throughout the country for the quality of their horses._  
_Along the way, they had hired several hands to work the ranch, as well as Rhonda. _

_Rhonda was a tall somewhat stout woman in her early 50's. Her husband Stan was one of the hands they had hired, and they had offered her a job as the cook. She and Stan lived in a small house just down the road from the ranch._

_They had no children of their own, but Jack knew that she often baked batches of cookies and took them over to the Children's Center in Fort Collins. _

_The new hand that Ennis had asked about, Gary Ryder, was a young man who had grown up here in town. Ennis had his doubts about hiring a nineteen year old fresh out of high school, but Jack had put short work to his protests by quirking an eyebrow at him and asking what he thought woulda happened to them had Aguirre not hired them just because they were nineteen._

_Jack smiled now as Ennis asked about him. He knew that Ennis was trying to be causal, but he also knew Ennis well enough to know that he was still uneasy about having hired the kid. _

"_He's doin' jus' fine," Jack replied, trying hard to keep even a trace of amusement out of his voice. _

"_Yer not lettin' him help with the foalin' are ya… cause I ain' had a chance to show 'em how ta do a proper job a cleanin' the stall 'forehand, an all yet…"_

"_Ennis…" Jack cut him off, he could hear the tension in Ennis voice, and thought it best to end his worrying before he really got started, "don'cha worry, Cowboy! Noone's goin', near the new mommies 'cept those ya already approved."_

"_Smartass!" Ennis bit out, and Jack relaxed to hear the worry leaving his voice. _

"_Well…" Ennis said after they had exchanged a few more good-natured insults, "better letcha get ta bed… know ya got an early mornin'… sorry I call'd ya so late…"_

"_Ennis…" Jack cut him off again, "I'm real glad ya called, Cowboy. I ain' slept much neither…"_

_Ennis chuckled, "Quite a pair ain' we… guess this is what love does to a body… huh?"_

_Jack grinned happily and replied, "I reckon so, Babe…"_

"_Nite, Jack." _

"_Nite, Ennis."_

_After that, Jack climbed into bed and drifted off to sleep easily, comforted by the knowledge that Ennis was missing him as much as he was missing Ennis._

_The fourth night had gone the same, their late night call planned this time, and even though both were tired the next morning, they both thought it worth it._

Now, Jack lay waiting for Ennis to finish up in the bathroom and smiled like an idiot knowing that tonight, if he reached out his hand, there would be smooth, hot skin there waiting for his fingers to touch it.

Just when Jack was beginning to think that Ennis might have fallen asleep while brushing his teeth, he finally came out of the bathroom.

Raising up on his hands, Jack watched as Ennis walked over to the bed wearing just his jeans, feet and chest bare. Without looking at him, Ennis unbuckled his belt, and removed his jeans, tossing them over a chair in the corner. Leaving his boxers on, he sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his face with both palms.

Getting up on his knees behind him, Jack began to knead the muscles in Ennis' shoulders.  
"Tired, Cowboy?" He asked quietly, feeling the tension in the other mans back and suspecting he knew what was causing it.

"_**Damn… he's tight as a drum… poor guy… guess I know dern well what's got him all cranked up."**_

Ennis grunted in response, and reached his hand up to cover the hand that was still working on the muscles in his shoulder. Jack kissed his fingers and pulled him backward until he was lying on his back, his feet still on the floor. Stretching out next to him, Jack propped himself up on one elbow so he could look at Ennis' face.

"What's wrong, Ennis?" He said as he gazed at those troubled brown eyes, "you been quiet all evenin', and ya didn' even bother to go look at Salamar's foal."

"Just thinkin' 'bout what Sandy said bout them kids." Ennis replied, trying to avoid looking directly at Jack. Instead, his gaze was aimed in the direction of the intertwined shirts hanging on the wall.  
Sighing, Jack turned on his back and stared at the ceiling. "Sandy tole' ya that there ain' nothin' to worry 'bout, Ennis! Them boys ain' been botherin' folks directly… jus messin' around with stuff."  
"I know what Sandy said, Jack… don' mean they wouldn' mess with us if'in they… knew."

Sighing again, Jack turned and looked at the side of Ennis' face. Netierh spoke for a few minutes, and Jack had about decided that Ennis was asleep when he suddenly said, "Yer goin' with me." He said it in a soft voice, but one that brooked no argument.

"What?" Jack said, sitting up and looking down into Ennis' face, "goin' where…?"

"Ta Junior's weddin'… it's in two weeks, and yer goin' with me."

"But… Ennis… ya said when the invite came it would be better if…!"

"Christ, Jack… ya ain' never listen'd ta a damn thin' I said ta ya in twenty-one years… why ya startin' now?" Ennis said, rolling his eyes, then he grabbed Jack's arm and pulled him down on top of him so their foreheads were touching.

"I ain' leavin' ya here again… can't sleep without yer ass hoggin' up the bed… yer goin' with me!" Ennis said, his eyes burning hot into Jack's.

"_**Ya ain't foolin' me none, Ennis Del Mar… I know why ya want me to go, and it ain' got nothin' ta do with my ass hoggin' nothin'… Hey… wait jus a damn minute…"**_

"Hold on there jus' a minute, Del Mar… jus' whatdaya mean by that crack… my ass don' hog nothin'! Yer the one that lays on me every night like ya think I'm gonna float away er' somethin'!"  
"_**Nice one, dumbass… now he won' do it no more…!"**_

Ennis flushed at that, but couldn't help laughing at the offended look on Jack's face.

Putting on his best drawl, he pulled Jack back on top of him and said, "Darlin' far as I'm concerned yer ass can do anythin' it damn well pleases… long as I'm the only one it does it with!"

"I told ya, my ass don' hog nothin'…"

"Jack…" Ennis interrupted, bringing Jack's mouth down to his and muttering against his lips "shut the fuck up and com'ere already!"

Jack resisted for exactly three seconds before he finally melted into Ennis.

When they pulled apart enough to speak, Jack whispered in a low voice that gave away all that he was feeling, "so what do ya think my ass should do now…?"

Grinning, Ennis tugged Jack until they both rolled and Ennis was lying on top of Jack, their whole bodies touching and whispered into his mouth while grinding his hips against Jack's, "Oh… I think we can fig're somethin' out."

Jack grinned a wide smile that made Ennis' insides turn to mush and other parts of his body become hard as a rock. Feeling the evidence of that pressed against his own hardness, Jack pulled Ennis' lips back down to his.

"_**Sure am glad ta have ya home, Cowboy!"**_

11


	13. Chapter 13

_**Chapter 13: Serpents in the Garden**_

_Ennis sat in the living room of Alma and Monroe's house. The silence in the room was deafening, and he couldn't stop himself from raising a hand to his mouth, absently chewing on his thumbnail. ___

_Looking up, he took in the pale stunned faces of his girls. His baby girls, who he had left behind so many times to spend time with the only person, other then them, that gave his life any meaning. Now, even though they were all grown and Junior was getting ready to marry and start her own life, Ennis felt that once again he was leaving them for Jack. __  
_  
_Slowly, tears running down her face, Junior turned and looked at her sister. The girls locked eyes, their expressions identical and then together they turned to look at their father. __  
_  
_"Oh my, God…" Junior choked suddenly, "how could I have not known? It all makes so much sense now! Cassie… I a'ways wonder'd why ya didn' marry her…and all them fishin' trips… all them years! God, Daddy… all them years… you was in love with Jack all them years! That's why you and Momma got divorced… ain' it?" __  
_  
_Ennis nodded slowly, not able to speak through the lump in his throat. __  
_  
_For over a year he had put off telling his girls the truth about he and Jack. Whenever they had pushed to come and see his new home, he had found countless reasons… all good and valid, but nothing so compelling that they couldn't be worked around… why they couldn't come at that time. Now however, with Junior getting married, and Jenny moving out on her own, Ennis had realized that he had to tell his girls the truth about their Daddy.__  
_  
_He was scared, no question about it, but he knew he needed to acknowledge that his girls were adults, and no longer children who need to be protected from the truth. _  
_  
__He watched as Junior glanced at Jenny again, and Ennis saw the look of agreement pass between them. Ennis braced himself, waiting for the recriminations and disownment that was sure to come… the declarations of hate and never wanting to see or speak to him again. __  
_  
_His stomach rolled when he thought of Junior getting married without him there to walk her down the aisle to her new husband, his heart hurt at the thought of the babies that his little girls would have and that he might never see… he brain spasmed with raw pain at the thought of the harsh words "queer" or "faggot" coming from the lips of his beloved little girls. _

_His eyes clenched tightly shut in preparation… not wanting to see the venom in his little girl's eyes, Ennis jumped a mile when he suddenly felt a set of arms wrap around him from either side._

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Jack had come up with a somewhat feasible story to explain the fact that he and Ennis lived together on the ranch with no women present. Of course, they had told everyone that asked… which in truth wasn't very many people, most people didn't care… that they were both divorced and had decided to go in together to run the ranch. However, there had been a few who looked at them oddly and wondered about their connection and how they had gotten together. To appease these people, Ennis had added that they were related by marriage, that Jack's ex-wife was his cousin.

Though he was sure that some of them didn't buy this, there was no way it could be proven to be untrue so, somewhat begrudgingly, the story had appeared to still the gossip's tongues, and they hadn't had any real troubles. Even so, Ennis and Jack were very careful when in town. No use taking unnecessary chances.

With their employees, Ennis had insisted that they be extra careful. These men were to be working closely with them on a daily basis, and Ennis wanted to be sure that there would be no problems. Jack had interviewed each man carefully, asking questions that brought out each mans character and thoughts on certain topics and then Ennis had spent a great deal of time asking questions about ranch experience and knowledge.

They had gone through nearly two dozen candidates before finally settling on eight men that seemed to know a great deal about ranching, and seemed unlikely to make problems in regards to Jack and Ennis sharing residence. Most of the men that worked for them were either aware of or suspected the truth about the real relationship between Ennis and Jack, not because they were obvious or demonstrative, but more because of the way they conducted themselves and the things they didn't do.

There was no camaraderie, no banter or jostling and joking the way friends, buddies and families do. Ennis was very stiff and businesslike with Jack refusing to touch him in any way, not even a handshake. The one time Jack had touched Ennis in front of the men, a simple clap on the back when their first foal had been born, had been met with a fierce glare and Ennis stepping away, putting several feet between them. This seemed odd for cousins and friends that liked each other enough to live and go into business together.

The deciding factor had been the day last year when Jack was thrown from his horse. Ennis' reaction… yelling Jack's name, almost in tears and then refusing to leave Jack's side even when the doctor arrived, not even being willing to let go of Jack's hand, and his explosive anger when they decided to take Jack to the hospital and wouldn't allow him to ride with them. All these things seemed so odd compared to Ennis' normal aloofness that the men had pretty much all reached the same conclusion; there was something more here then simple friends and distant relatives. However, for the most part they had worked for the men long enough and come to like them enough that they were willing to accept it and not allow it to be an issue. One of the men had quit, although he did it quietly and never let on why it was that he was quitting. Fortunately, one of the other men had a brother that was looking for work and they had not needed to look around.

Jack was aware of the men's knowledge, but Ennis was oblivious, and after a great deal of thought, Jack had decided that it might be better to leave it that way. Because nothing had ever been said and attitudes had never wavered, Ennis had relaxed with the men and was happy with the group that worked helped work he and Jack's spread.

Then, three months ago, Brent Harding, one of their best hands, had left to get married leaving them short handed. Much to Ennis' discomfort they had been forced to hire a new hand. Gary seemed to be working out alright thus far, but even though Ennis was becoming more comfortable with him, he felt the need to keep a close eye on him at all times.

Ennis was now riding the fence with Gary. Short and wiry with blond hair and a quick laugh, Gary was pleasant enough to talk to, and Ennis found that, for a young man, he was surprisingly well informed when it came to the topic of breeding horses.

It had been a dry spring thus far, and snakes were posing a real problem. The drier it got, the more often the snakes ventured into the ranch grounds, looking for water. One hand, Hal Mason, had been bitten already, although thankfully Jack had been present, and acted swiftly enough that Hal, though he would be ill for several weeks, would be fine and able to come back to work when he was ready.

The stream banks, once a nice place to sit and relax during lunch, had been declared off limits until the dry, hot spell ended. More often then not, one could spot dozens of rattlers and Water Moccasin's lining the banks, sunning themselves and skimming about the surface of the water. The combination of the two species was even more dangerous as they were natural enemies, which led to them being even more unpredictable and volatile.

All of this was making things very difficult in regards to the herd. Normally, the horses were set free during the day and allowed free rein of the main pasture. However, because the stream ran through the grounds, and there were places of dense bushes here and there, the horses were in danger of being bitten when in the pasture.

They had already lost one prize stallion to a Water Moccasin bite. Ennis had been livid, alternating between wanting to fire and wanting to beat the shit out of the hand that had been patrolling the fields. From that point on, the rule had been made that as long as the snake problems remained, all hands would travel in pairs, each armed with pistols as well as their usual rifles, all hands were to carry snake bite kits, and no less then four hands were to be present in the field while the horses were there.

Thus far, this strategy seemed to be working, and no further losses or injures had been sustained.  
As he and Gary rode the perimeter of the fence, they discussed ways to keep snakes from getting into the stables. That morning when Ennis went in to check on Salamar, his favorite mare, and her new foal he had been confronted with two angry rattlers just inside the door.  
Ennis steered his horse carefully through the underbrush, ever mindful for the telltale rattling that signaled a bush being occupied.

When they were within sight of the barn, Ennis heard a shout, and turned in the direction from which it had come.

He spotted Jack standing near the stable, waving his arms and whistling loudly to get his attention.

Signaling to Gary to follow him, Ennis clicked his tongue and touched his heels to his horse's sides. Steering around the brush and onto open ground, they galloping up to the stable, and Ennis pulled the horse to a stop next to Jack.

"Ennis…" Jack said, his voice slightly strained, "Sandy's here… says he needs to talk to us."

Searching Jack's face and seeing a tiny sliver of fear in his eyes, Ennis immediately turned to Gary and said, "tell Pete I said fer him ta ride the rest'a the fence with ya till I get back."

"Sure 'nough." Gary replied and slid down from his horses back and went into the stable to get Pete Summers, a tall skinny fella who had more muscles then brains, but who knew enough to do what he was told, and as thick as he was about some things, was one of the best wranglers Ennis had ever worked with.

Ennis slid off his horse's back and led her over to the water trough. Checking carefully to make sure no snakes were hiding under or around the trough, he turned on the hose and filled it. The horse snorted and lowered her head to drink.

While he worked he asked, "What's goin' on, Jack? Sandy tell ya anythin'?"

"Nope…" Jack replied, "jus' said it was important and need'd ta talk to us now."

Turning off the water and wiping his hands on the seat of his pants, Ennis tipped his hat back and scratched his head. He felt his gut tightening and a splinter of worry worked its way up his spine.  
Walking up to the house, he said, "Well… guess we'll find out huh."

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Sandy shook hands with both men.  
_**  
**_**_Jesus… hate to tell these men this… know it's gonna freak 'em out somethin' fierce... all this time with no trouble..._**

Ennis felt his spine stiffen at this. "What's all this 'bout?" He said briskly, interrupting Jack's line of nervous banter and cutting to the chase.

Sandy sighed deeply and motioned for Jack and Ennis to sit.

"Ok… there ain' no easy way ta say this so I'm jus' gonna com'on out with it."

Looking at Ennis closely, knowing that he was the one that he had to worry about reacting badly, Sandy drew himself up and started, "Goddard Stubbs is the leader of that group of punks I was tellin' ya 'bout the other day. Either of ya know 'em?"

Ennis and Jack looked at each other and then turned back to Sandy, shaking their heads no.  
"Well, he knows you… knows ya ain' cousins too!"

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Ennis sucked in his breath… his worst fear realized… how or why he didn't know, but somehow someone had found them out… someone with the drive and desire to do them harm.

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**_Fuck!! How… we been so damn careful!!_**

For the most part, they kept a low profile around town. Fortunately, Fort Collins was big, so it was easy to simply blend in and not draw attention to themselves. They had made some friends, mostly venders with whom they did business, and advertisers that ran ads and printed flyers for them. No one asked questions anymore… few ever had really, and Jack had settled into his life with Ennis with a quiet certainty that Ennis' fears had been unfounded.

The thought that everything they had worked so hard for might be in jeopardy of falling down around their ears was almost more then Jack could take. The thought that Ennis had been right all along shot through him like a bolt of lightening, and he thought of nothing but holding on to Ennis as tight as he could.

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Jack took a step closer to Ennis, and reaching out he took his hand. Ennis looked over at Jack, about to jerk his hand away and scowl at him, but one look at Jack's face… pale, almost gray, lips tight and drawn, blue eyes wide and drained of color… and his anger immediately gave way to concern. Instead of pulling away, he squeezed Jack's hand in slight reassurance, for himself as well as Jack and kept Jack's hand tight in his.

"What exactly do ya mean?" Ennis asked his voice tight and strained… fear controlled but visible in his dilated eyes.

"It seems," Sandy said, all business now as he began pacing in front of them, "that Stubbs has himself rich uncle… ranch'r from up in Wyoming. This uncle's been talkin' to 'em, and told him a funny lil' tale bout a couple'a cowboys that worked fer him one summer… herdin' sheep is what I believe he said."

"Aguirre…" Ennis breathed, suddenly very glad that he was sitting down… knowing that if he had been standing he would have fallen flat on his face as he felt all of the blood in his body drain quickly into his suddenly leaden feet.

"Oh God…" Jack gasped his hand contracting and squeezing Ennis' so hard that Ennis winced.

_**Why can't that fucker jus' leave us alone… wha'd we ev'r do ta him… can't help it if'in we fell in love on his fuckin' time… why's it such a fuckin' thin' fer him anyways…**_

Sandy searched both men's faces and knew immediately that they knew exactly who he was talking about. "That's right, Joe Aguirre. Man owns one of the biggest ranches in the Southwest, a ranch that's losin' money an clients at'a pretty steady rate from what I hear, and apparently, he ain' none to happy that them two cowboys he told his nephew about are doin' quite well fer themselves while his spread is goin' down hill."

"Don' make sense though… Aguirre ain' a horse breeder… his herd is sheep! What's our business got to do with him?" Ennis' voice was incredulous and angry. Try as he might, he just couldn't imagine why Aguirre would give two shits about him and Jack after all these years.

"According to Stubbs, Aguirre is pissed as hell that a couple'a …. um… well… a couple'a 'cocksuckin queers' are doin' so well while his business is on it's way out." Sandy said, stumbling over the words and feeling like a shit for saying them. Jack winced and Ennis squeezed his eyes shut.

**_Shit_**

"Damn! Jack… Ennis… I'm sorry 'bout that… ya both know I don' feel that way… got no issue with yer private life… think of both'a ya like brothers!" Sandy said quickly, his distress obvious.

Ennis stood on shaky legs and clapped Sandy on the shoulder squeezing lightly, "Don' worry 'bout it, Sandy… yer a good friend… we know yer jus' doin' yer job."

Sandy couldn't help but grin, and Ennis looked at him strangely, "Somethin' funny?" He asked, his eyebrows coming together.

"Nope… not a thin'… but do ya realize that's the first time ya ever called me Sandy?"

Ennis heard a sound behind him, something that sounded like a cross between a choke and a sob. Turning he took in Jack's pale face, eyes wide and watery, and felt real fear at the horrible sounds Jack was making. His fear increased when he suddenly realized that Jack was laughing. Hysterical laughter that shook Ennis to his core.

Sandy stood looking at Jack, his face a mask of surprise and concern, "Jesus… you ok, Jack?" He said quietly when the horrible laughter had finally stopped.

Shaking himself, Jack nodded, gulping in deep breaths. To Ennis and Sandy's relief the color was returning to Jack's face and lips.

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**_Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit _**_**  
**_  
The word rolled over and over through his mind, a constant mantra. The laughter had hit him from the side, and he hadn't seen it coming. He didn't know what brought it on, the fact that Aguirre had such a reach and had held such weight over their lives all these years… first driving he and Ennis apart before they truly had a chance to be together, reinforcing the fear in Ennis enough so that he couldn't possibly ask Jack to stay with him, trying to hurt them last year, and now this, exposing them to his nephew and risking everything they had worked so hard for because he was jealous of their success… or was it the fact that Ennis chose now, of all times, to finally call their friend by the name he had been asking him to use for the last 15 months! He didn't know what had started it, but now as he caught his breath, he realized that the frozen feeling that had come over him was lifting and he could think again.

**_Fuckin' Aguirre… man damn near ruined my life 21 years ago when he took Ennis from me… tried again last year at that damn bar… fuckin' asshole… shoulda beat the fucker then when I had a chance, fer he had a chance ta hurt us again…_**

Suddenly, standing there in the kitchen, with the Fort Collins Sheriff, their good friend Eddie Sanborn looking on, Ennis stepped over and wrapped his arms around Jack and held him tight. That was all, just simply stood there and held him, but somehow, the fact that Ennis did that… willingly showed that he cared that much in front of another human being… filled Jack with relief and let him believe that everything was going to be ok.

Instinctively, Jack brought his arms up around Ennis' back and held on to him just as tight.  
"Don' nev'r do that again, darlin'… scared me somethin' awful…" Ennis whispered in his ear, his breath hot against Jack's neck.

"I'm sorry, babe," Jack whispered in return, tightening his arms around Ennis, "didn' mean ta scare ya."

Sandy cleared his throat, and Jack felt Ennis jump and stiffen, but incredibly he did not remove his arms from Jack's waist, though his face reddened and he looked down briefly before raising his eyes, proud and steady, back to meet Sandy's.

"Sorry, Sandy…" Ennis began in a voice that said he was anything but. Sandy put up a hand and stopped him.

"None'a that…" his voice was gruff and he cleared his throat before he continued, "I'm gonna leave you fellas be now… 'magine you have a lot to discuss. Just remember, I know what's goin' on, and my deputies are goin' be keepin' an eye on this place fer awhile. Don't see no need'a worrin' jus' yet, but thought ya should know so's ya can keep an eye out."

"We 'prciate it, Sandy." Jack said, and reached a hand out to shake hands with him, though he kept the other firmly planted on Ennis' back and couldn't help but be thrilled when Ennis made no move to remove his hands from Jack' waist.

"Probably should let ya know, we're gonna be oughta town fer a few days. Leavin' Friday, won' be back til the followin' Sunday." Jack added, and turned to smile at Ennis, "we got a weddin' to attend, right, Cowboy?"

"Yup," Ennis agreed and smiled back.

"Well then… you fellas have a good trip, and don' worry 'bout nothin' 'round here… I'll have a man watching the place regular while yer gone."

Shifting from one foot to the other, Sandy stood there for a moment, watching as Ennis, who had apparently forgotten that Sandy was even there, stood looking at Jack as though he had never seen him before.

Sandy realized, uncomfortably, that his presence was no longer needed and most definitely not desired, and he quietly left the house, closing and locking the kitchen door behind him thinking, **_Sure hope nothin' happens ta hurt these guys… the'r good men and don' deserve none'a this shit!_**

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Jack drove the five and half hours it took them to reach Riverton. Ennis sat in the passenger seat, chewing his nails, and fighting to keep his leg from jumping.

Happy as he was to have Jack with him and as relieved as he was that they were away from town and out of range of Goddard Stubbs and his friends, Ennis couldn't help but worry a bit what kind of reception they would receive.

Ennis knew the girls would not mind so much. He remembered that they had asked when they would get to meet Jack the day he told them about he and Jack's relationship. Though he was nervous and afraid they might not like him or that it might be more uncomfortable for them then they expected, he wasn't worried about them so much. Nor was he particularly worried about the other people in town that would surely be invited and see he and Jack together in town. He knew for a fact that Alma had never spoken a word to anyone about he and Jack other then to tell them the same basic story as they had used in Fort Collins, leaving out the cousins part and just making them divorced friends joining in a business venture.

No, the person he most worried about was Alma herself. Even though they had finally seemed to reach a point where they could be civil to each other, and had actually laughed together at the introduction dinner about memories of Junior as a baby, Ennis knew that her feelings toward Jack and her resentment toward him for not staying away had not changed. He knew that as a Christian woman, she would never be openly rude enough to order him out of her house, nor would she make a scene in front of others, but he was worried about what she might say in private, and what Jack's appearance might do to the fragile peace they had begun to establish.  
His hope was that if he explained the situation at home to her, and told her that Jack was only there because it might not be safe for him to be alone at the moment, then she might except his presence as unavoidable she might be more tolerant.

Having opted to drive through the night to avoid traffic, they arrived in Riverton around 6:30 am, and drove straight to the hotel where Jack had reserved them a room. They had briefly kidded about staying at the Siesta Motel and trying to get the same room as last time they stayed there, but in the end Jack had vetoed the idea stating that there were "too many painful memories" attached to that place. This time the opted for the Super 8 motel on N. Federal St..

While Ennis went and checked in, Jack set about taking their bags out of the truck. They had agreed beforehand to rent a room with two beds, Ennis wanting to avoid a repeat performance of their first night in Colorado with that squirrelly little hotel clerk. Knowing what is was taking for Ennis to even agree to openly staying in the same room with him, Jack had decided not to push his luck this time.

As soon as they got into their room, they took turns showering and collapsed on the bed closest to the window. To tired to do more then kiss, Jack curled up on his side, and Ennis snuggled up against his back, wrapping himself around him and twining their legs together. Within minutes both men were sound asleep.

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Ennis watched Jack as he mingled amongst the people in the reception hall. It never ceased to amaze him how Jack was able to charm his way into the good graces of almost everyone he met. Of course, Ennis knew very well that ninety-nine percent of these men and women would not hesitate to shun and curse Jack if they knew the truth about he and Ennis, some of them, Ennis was sure, would not even hesitate to strike them both down if they knew.

The past week had gone well. There had been a few uncomfortable moments when introducing Jack to Junior and Jenny, but Jack had flashed his dimpled smile at them, and Ennis watched as that familiar google-eyed expression… the one that crossed almost every woman's face when she encountered Jack Twist… slide onto his daughter's faces and he knew that any fear he might have had in regards to them liking Jack was completely unfounded.

This belief was solidified later in the evening when Jenny, who had never been afraid to say just what she was thinking, walked past him on the way to get more ice from the kitchen and whispered in a low voice so only he could hear, "Daddy, yer man is dreamy!"

Ennis felt his face turn flaming red at that, and he couldn't reply. Silently he thought, I couldn't agree more, and blanched when Jack chose that moment to look over at Ennis and catch him staring, his "Ennis" smile made its first appearance of the evening, though not it's last, and Ennis felt the blood rushing from his face to a much lower part of his body.

Even Alma, though it was obvious that she was determined not to like Jack, had begun to show signs of swaying from her resolve. Earlier in the evening, in what Ennis believed, at the time, to be one of the top ten stupidest things that Jack Twist had done since he had known him, Jack had walked up, flashing that same dimpled smile, and asked if he could "dance with the lovely mother of the bride."

At first Alma looked horrified, and looked at Jack's proffered arm as though it were something nasty that you would not touch without a glove. However, when Jack simply stood there, that smile on his face, and his eyes shining at her, Alma had caved and nodding stiffly she had taken Jack's arm, her fingers barely touching his jacket sleeve, and followed him on to the dance floor.  
Ennis had stood transfixed, watching Jack dancing with Alma, and finding himself in awe of what a good dancer Jack was. As he watched and saw Alma begin to soften and even smile under Jack's attention, and he felt his surprise melt into pride. Pride because Jack was able to charm even Alma, whose heart could be harder the steel once she set to it, but more then that, pride that Jack was his… his man… and damned if Jenny weren't right… Jack Twist was 'bout the dreamiest thing Ennis Del Mar had ever laid eyes on… but most of all, the thing that made Ennis feel the proudest and sometimes left his head whirling with how's and whys… was that that man… that wonderful, handsome, sweet, sexy and charming man… had chosen him!

Now as he stood watching Jack mingle, joking with the men, flattering the ladies, and quickly becoming the most popular man in the room, Ennis felt a wave of need wash over him. Not sexual, just a need to be with Jack… talk to him… touch him, even if just a friendly punch on the arm.

Thinking that all he would do was to walk over and clap him on the shoulder, join the group of men he was with, and shoot the shit a bit, Ennis walked across the room and placed his hand on Jack's shoulder.

A jolt like electricity went through him, and he felt it work its way quickly south. Jack jumped a little, and Ennis instantly knew that he had felt it as well. Clapping Jack's shoulder a bit harder then intended to cover their reactions from the other men standing around, Ennis dropped his arm to his side and asked Rob Taggart, the postmaster how things had been going.

After about ten minutes or so of talking, Ennis excused himself, and walked away, knowing that Jack was watching him go. As inconspicuously as possible, Ennis ducked into the cloak room, leaving the door ajar a little and the lights off. He stood in the little room for several minutes, waiting, hoping that Jack had seen him enter and knew that he was waiting for him to follow.  
Just when Ennis was about to give up, the door swung open a bit more, and Ennis heard Jack's voice whisper, "Ennis… you in here?"

Ennis' response was to reach out and grab Jack's arm pulling him into him and closing the door behind him. Running his hands up Jack's arms and across his shoulders he dragged them up Jack's cheeks and buried them in his hair. There was almost no light in the little room, but enough came in under the door for Ennis to see Jack's face, eyes glittering slightly before he brought their mouths together in a hard kiss.

When they pulled apart several minutes later, Jack chuckled low in his throat and said, "Damn… must be somethin' in the water!"

"Huh?" Ennis asked, squeezing Jack and then sliding his hands down to cup Jack's ass, not pulling them together just resting his hands there.

"Well… seems to me somethin' 'bout Riverton makes ya wanna kiss me like there might not be 'nother chance! Makes three times now that ya 'bout kiss'd the life oughta me in this here town… fig're must be somthin' in the water!"

"Jack Fuckin' Twist!" Ennis growled in that way he had that made those words sound more like 'I Love You', and stroked his hand gently up and down across the curves of Jack's ass as they began kissing him again.

Suddenly, the sound of Alma and Jenny's voices broke through the haze of their kiss.

They were right outside the door, and Ennis heard Alma say in a strange tone, "Where's yer Daddy?"

Ennis heard something in her voice. Something that stilled his hands and made him step back from Jack, a shiver of cold replacing the fire that had been growing in his belly.  
Fear… that's fear in Alma's voice!

"Jenny, go find yer sister and Kurt… now!" Alma said, her voice low and nervous.

"Yes, Momma!" Jenny breathed and they heard her heels clicking as she hurried away in search of the newlyweds. Ennis listened for a moment more and heard Alma breath something that sounded like "God save 'em… Monroe…gotta find Monroe…" and then he heard her shoes clicking away in the opposite direction so quickly that Ennis could tell she was nearly running.  
Ennis felt sweat running down his face, and looked at Jack quickly, "Somethin's wrong… we gotta get outta here. Stay here… I'll go out, ya follow me inna couple'a minutes… k?"  
Something about the uneasiness in Ennis' voice transferred itself to Jack, and he nodded, his eyes wide with alarm.

Ennis straightened his suit the best he could, tucked in his shirt, and ran a hand over his hair. Then smiling quickly at Jack, he pulled open the door and stepped out into the reception hall.

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Jack stood in the dark cloak room for several moments. Finally when he was tired of waiting and figured that Ennis must have had time to make it far away from the door by now, he quickly opened the door and stepped out… and ran right into Ennis who was standing stock still in front of the door!

"Ooofff…." Jack exclaimed, "Ennis… what the hell…?" then he looked at Ennis face… gray, lips in a stiff line, eyes unblinking and filled with a sick fear that Jack had never seen there before, not even when facing down Aguirre's goons.

"Ennis… what is it… what's happened?" Jack whispered and touched Ennis' arm. He followed the line of Ennis eyes, and spotted a tall blonde haired man, grey around the temples, and a somewhat familiar look about his eyes.

"Ennis… who is that man…?" Jack asked, a river of dread quickly running from his stomach to his heart

"That ain' no man…" Ennis ground out, his lips not even moving, "that's my brother!"

15


	14. Chapter 14

**_Chapter 14: Fear and Anger_**

_Alma Williams had only met Ennis' brother and sister three times. Once at she and Ennis' wedding, the second time when Alma Jr. was born, and the third time when Jenny was born. _

_Though each of these meetings had been brief and uncomfortable, their presence, obviously a familial obligation insisted on by the women, had served as an eye-opener to Alma in regards to Ennis. From the first time she observed their interaction, she could plainly see that Ennis did not get on well with his siblings. _

_His dealings with his sister were polite enough, but other then a brief uncomfortable hug when she and her family arrived, little that could be considered family affection passed between the two. _

_Ennis reaction upon his brother's arrival had surprised and confused her. K.E. Del Mar was a tall, rangy man. Wider set then his younger brother, and a good four inches taller, he looked almost to big to be real. Alma's only experience with brothers was that of observing her own, so she expected some jostling and roughhousing, a few good natured insults, perhaps even a few feigned punches. What she had not expected, was the look of barely veiled fear that came into Ennis eyes at the sight of his brother. _

_As each visit wore on, it had become more and more apparent to her that something had taken place in their past that caused Ennis to be terrified of his own brother. Even more frightening to her, was the way Ennis seemed to withdraw even further into himself… something she had not thought possible… when KE was present. _

_Ennis had refused to even discuss it with her, and she had not pushed it the first two times. The third time, at the hospital after Jenny's birth, Alma had point out asked Ennis why he was afraid of his own brother, and they had had one of the worst fights of their marriage, ending with Ennis storming out of the hospital, and Alma sobbing for an hour. _

_Now as she stood in the reception hall and watched her ex-husband as he stood still as stone looking at his brother, she felt a trickle of fear in her own belly. _

_Dear God… please don't let there be blood shed on my baby's wedding day!_

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_"Yer brother?" Jack said his voice low._

_"My brother," Ennis replied, sweat trickling down his back and pooling under his arms. _

**_Shit!_**

_"Jack… listen… ummm… migh'be better if'in he didn' know 'bout us… huh…ma'be better if ya…" Ennis continued, his voice still low._

_"Ennis…"_

**_Shit… don't wanna leave ya here ta face 'em alone…"_**

_"Jack… jus' git… please…" Ennis said, his voice pleading and a bit desperate._

_"Umm… yeah…" Jack answered, his voice strange. He looked at Ennis, and saw the fear there, the grey clamminess of his skin, the sweat rolling down his face, "I'll ah… I'll just go get me somethin' ta drink… maybe a bite ta eat." He said quickly._

_He raised his hand, meaning to give Ennis a reassuring pat on the back, but at that moment, KE raised his eyes and spotted his brother. Thinking it best that the man, who was waving his hat and starting through the crowd, not see he him with Ennis at all, Jack quickly faded into the crowd. _

_Jack knew how scared Ennis was of his older brother, not that Ennis would ever come out and admit it. He was worried about that sick look on Ennis' face, and wished that there was some way he could have stayed to support him, but he knew that Ennis would never have allowed it… would only be pissed at him for trying. So he quickly walked away, though not to far away… in case Ennis should need him._

_Walking to the food table, he grabbed a few things without even looking to see what he had, and wrinkling his nose at the shrimp that he popped into his mouth, he turned to watch the reunion. _

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_Although K.E. had been only a boy himself, things that had been said at the time led Ennis to believe that KE knew of their father's involvement in, and perhaps himself participated in the murder of old Earl. Either way, the calm and disinterested way he talked about the murder, and the venom in his voice when he talked about 'fags', 'queers' and 'perverts' had been enough to make Ennis terrified of what would ever happen if his brother should find out about Jack. _

_Now as he watched his brother make his way toward him, the grim expression on KE's face sent warning bells to chiming all over Ennis' body. _

_"Hey thar' lil' brother," KE drawled as he approached Ennis, "long time no see, huh?"_

_"KE." Ennis replied stiffly._

_"Quite a crowd, huh? Hard ta believe that lil' red-haired baby a yers is gettin' hitched! Seems just yesterday Tess and me was comin' up here ta see her jus' born!" _

_Ennis grunted in response. As had become his instinctive habit in times of stress, he scanned the room, his eyes finally spotting the black head he was looking for over at the food table. _

_Actively scanning the crowd, he did not see the eyes, very similar to his own, following the path of his gaze and narrowing slightly when they too landed on the black haired man. _

_The site of Jack, just knowing he was there reassuring him, Ennis relaxed a bit and turned back to look at his brother. _

_"How ya been?" Ennis asked, trying to keep the nervousness out of his voice. _

_They exchanged pleasant though tense conversation for several minutes, and Ennis relaxed even more. He was beginning to think he had worried for nothing, and KE's appearance was nothing more then an uncle showing up for the wedding of his niece._

_After several minutes, KE looked at him and said, "Was hopin' ta buy ma lil' brother a drink. What say after this shindig is over, you and me head on over ta a bar and catch up a bit… been a long time."_

_Ennis looked again at the black head over by the food table, his eyes meeting a pair of blue ones watching him with concern. He tensed when he noticed that KE's eyes were following his gaze and fearing them focusing on the same black haired man, Ennis moved his gaze away and continued scanning the room in what he hoped was a causal way. The move was too late… that similar pair of brown eyes had locked with and were currently engaged in a glaring contest with a pair of blue ones._

_"Sure 'nough." Ennis finally replied, unable to come up with an excuse that KE would buy. _

_"A'righty… meet ya at the door after the bride and groom make their exit." KE replied as he turned away from the glaring blue eyes and looked once again at his younger brother._

_Ennis nodded, and walked off through the crowd. He wanted to go to the food table and talk to Jack… tell him what was happening and that he would not be going back to the hotel with him, but he could feel KE's eyes boring into his back as he walked away and he didn't dare let him see he and Jack together. Instead, he walked over to where Alma and Monroe stood with Jenny. _

_Alma looked at him reproachfully, for a moment before asking in a voice laced with irritation and fear, "What does he want Ennis?"_

_"Jus' want'd ta see his niece git married I guess… take me out fer a drink after…" he shrugged, looking down at his boots and scuffing his toe along a floorboard. _

_"Jus' you see to it that there ain' no trouble here, Ennis… this is yer daughter's weddin' day, I won' have ya ruinin' it by gettin' into a fight with yer brother!" _

_Alma's voice was stern, and Ennis flinched, feeling suddenly like a child being chastised for running in the house. _

_Feeling a flash of anger at her for using the same tone of voice with him that she had used with the girls when they were little, Ennis raised his eyes and looked her in the face as he said, "Don'cha worry yerself none Alma… won' be no trouble!"_

_With that, he spun on his heel and stomped over to the food table. Glancing around defiantly and almost hoping KE was somewhere staring at him, he walked up to Jack and said in a low voice, "Gotta talk ta ya, Bud." _

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_"Yer gonna, WHAT?" _**_What the fuck is this shit??_**

_"Keep yer voice down, Jack!" Ennis hissed and looked around quickly to see if anyone was looking at them. _

_They had stepped out onto the porch in front of the reception hall, and were standing off to the side smoking. _

_"Don' tell me ta keep my voice down, asshole! What'a 'xpect me ta do… sit around and count the ceiling tiles while yer off gettin' drunk with yer brother? Don' see why I can't go along to… tell him I'm yer business partner… everyone else believes it!"_

_"Jack… I can't… ain' no way ...it ain' safe…" Ennis stumbled though the words, trying to find a way to say what he meant. _

_"Ain' safe?? Christ, Ennis, don' know 'bout you, but I don' remember seein' a tire iron in the pocket'a his jeans! What the fuck ya think he's gonna do, huh... not like he can do much, one man against botha us! Jus' admit it, Ennis, this don' have a thin' ta do with anythin' not bein' safe! Ya jus' don' wanna haveta answer no questions! Yer still asham'd a bein' with me! That's what this is all 'bout… ain' it! Too fuckin' ashamed ta admit who ya are, and stand up ta some asshole who don' like who that is!"_

_"Ain' like that Jack…" Ennis began, shaking his head, his voice low and terse._

_"Oh, yeh?" Jack cut in, his voice a little lower, but still to loud for Ennis' taste, "Then jus' wha is it like, huh, Ennis?" _**_Christ… this is so fuckin' stupid… shoulda jus' stay'd the fuck home!_**

_"Jack… lil' darlin'… listen ta me fer…" Ennis began, his voice a whisper that cut off abruptly when his jaws suddenly clenched in reaction to Jack's suddenly low and dangerous voice._

_"Don' ya dare, Ennis Del Mar… don' even think 'bout standin' there and callin' me that right 'fore you take off and leave me alone in a town fulla strangers! Fuck… knew it… knew I shoulda just stay'd the hell home… shoulda never come here where ain' one person wants me ta be… not even the person who made me come ta begin with… had 'nough a that bein' LD Newsome's son-in-law!"_

_Ennis opened his mouth to speak, but slammed it shut again, biting his tongue hard, when Jack slashed his hand through the air and ground out, "Fuck you, Ennis… you go have yer drink with yer brother… go right ahead and keep on bein' 'fraid a him and asham'd a me… too much of a fuckin' coward ta even admit ya know me… ya know where ta find me when ya decide ya want me again! If yer fuckin' lucky, I might ev'n still be there!" _

_Shaking off the hand that Ennis had put on his arm to stop him, Jack spun on his heel and stomped down the stairs._

_"Jack…" Ennis began, his voice harsh and pleading, taking a step forward, before he was suddenly cut off by the double doors behind him opening, and the crowd suddenly surging out through, Junior and Kurt at the center, ducking and dodging the fistfuls of rice being tossed at them and laughing happily. _

_When the crowd thinned so that Ennis could make his way through to the sidewalk, the truck was gone… Jack was gone._

_Sighing deeply, Ennis straightened his slumped shoulders and steeled himself for the walk ahead. __Need to get this shit straightened out fer he really gets himself work'd up… stupid asshole!_

_Suddenly he froze when he felt a strong hand land on his shoulder, "Jack…I'm…" he began as he swung around, thinking that Jack had changed his mind and come back for him. His words ended with an intake of breath as he looked up and met his brother's eyes._

_"Ready fer that drink lil' brother?" KE asked, his voice cold and steely, the same as his eyes. _

6


	15. Chapter 15

_**Chapter 15: Poisonous Intent**_

_Ennis sat at the small table in the rented room he shared with his brother. He stared at the back of his hands while he listened to KE talk, and tried hard not to let the tears at the back of his eyes make their way to the front. _

"_Ya understand don' ya, Ennis? Me and Tess… we been wantin' ta be together fer awhile now. We was jus' waitin' so's I could save up some money fer the weddin'. _

"_I understand," Ennis muttered into his hands, his head spinning with the knowledge that after his brother was married, he would truly be alone with no one left in his life and no place to call home. _

"_Course ya know ya won' be able ta live here no more… after the weddin'…" KE said._

_Ennis nodded, and cringed when he felt a single tear drip onto the back of his hand. _

_He wasn't sure what he was crying for truthfully. He and his brother had never been close… perhaps when they were younger, but after the thing with Earl… after Ennis became sure that KE had helped their daddy kill that old man that was always kind to Ennis and sometimes bought he and KE a sucker when they went into the drug store with their mamma and he was there playing cards… Ennis had felt that he no longer knew his brother._

_Perhaps the tears were more for the fact that he now well and truly felt like an orphan, and had no idea where he was going to go or what he was going to do._

"_Was talkin' ta a guy I met in the bar the other night. Owner a the ranch he works on is looking fer a couple'a fellas ta take his sheep up on Brokeback Mountain this summer. Job'll run right through til the enda September. Man's name's Joe Aguirre. Fella told me that he's gonna be hiring on first weeka June. That's the same week me and Tess're gettin' hitch'd. I think ma'be ya oughta go up there, see if ya can getta job. That'll take care'a the summer and give ya a chance to earn some money ta get yer own place when ya get back. _

_Ennis nodded again, and took the piece of paper that KE offered him with the address of Joe Aguirre's office._

_That night, Ennis lay in bed and thought about what he should do. He couldn't stand the thought of being alone. He was good at it, had always spent a lot of time by himself and was used to doing so, but it had always been by choice. His sister and brother had always been there if he chose to seek out their company. Then his sister had gotten married and it was just him and KE. Now KE was getting married, and Ennis knew that from that point on, there would be no one there if he felt the need for company. As he drifted into a troubled sleep, Ennis thought of the next few months and how bleak and empty they would be._

_The next night, after working all day at the ranch with his brother, he went home, showered and changed and went to see Frank Beers. He walked away with Frank's consent to marry his daughter, Alma… a girl he had very causally courted and who he liked and got along with. Although he felt no physical attraction to her, and the one time he had kissed her had been brief and afterward he had felt an overwhelming urge to wipe his mouth, she was nice enough and seemed to be crazy about him… or at least KE had said so._

_Three weeks later, Ennis stood in front of a crappy trailer in the tiny dusty town of Signal, WY and watched as a young man with black hair climbed out of a beat up old truck, kicking the tire and cursing at the sputtering hunk of metal. _

_Suddenly, piercing blue eyes were turned on him, and something down deep in Ennis' soul stirred and the tiniest little voice he had ever heard… a voice that he stifled and ignored as quick as it spoke… told him that his life would never be the same._

_He spent that summer falling in love with that black haired man, and doing those things that he knew had gotten old Earl killed… all the things that he knew his daddy and brother had found horrible enough to end a man's life for._

_When he finally got back into town that day in mid August… his heart broken into tiny pieces, his body and soul screaming at him for being a coward, for leaving the one person in his entire life that made him feel worthy of breathing, and his brain screaming at him for feeling the way he did… he had no place to go, and no desire to look, so he went straight to KE and Tess' apartment._

_He walked into his brother's apartment and the minute his eyes met his brother's his stomach turned into knots the size of grapefruit._

_Somehow, he knew, from the look in his eyes, that KE knew about him… knew about Jack… knew about him and Jack. He could see it in the steely glare and the stiff set of his brother's shoulders. _

_At that moment, Ennis' confusion and wariness of his brother came true fear, and when KE opened his mouth and began yelling at him… yelling about the things his 'buddy' had told him he'd heard from Joe Aguirre, yelling about the things his daddy would do to him if he was alive… Ennis grew cold inside, fear gripping him in a tight fist. _

_When KE's yelling became physical blows, Ennis could not muster the strength to fight back. He simply stood there and took it, and when KE's fist connected with his jaw and he fell to the floor, he didn't try to fight it, he just lay there while his brother kicked him and screamed at him for being a 'no good cocksucking faggot'. _

_When the hitting and kicking ended, Ennis just laid there. Every part of his body hurt, though strangely the pain in his heart still throbbed the most. His face red, sweaty and still enraged, KE reached down and pulled Ennis to his feet. _

_Grabbing the front of his shirt, he pulled Ennis' face within inches of his own, and said in a voice with no emotion or remorse whatsoever for the pale boy in his clutches, whose nose was dripping blood and whose eyes were swelling, "Ya listen ta me, Ennis… and ya listen good! Ain' no brother a mine gonna be no damn queer… ya hear me boy? Yer gonna marry that girl ya got yerself engaged ta, and yer gonna live like'a man! Ya got that?"_

_Ennis nodded, saying nothing, his jaw hurt and he knew talking would be painful. KE however was not satisfied with a nod. Shaking Ennis hard and forcing a moan out of him as his battered body was whipped around, KE yelled, "YA GOT THAT?"_

"_Y…Yeah…" Ennis stuttered, he had been right, talking was agony, "I got that."_

"_Good… ya jus' see to it ya don' forget it neither!" KE said, and pushed Ennis away before he wiped his mouth on his sleeve. _

_Ennis turned and stumbled to the door, as he turned the knob, KE added in a voice so hard and hate-filled, that Ennis' felt his heart literally stop for a moment with the knowledge that he meant every word of it, "Don' fergot, Ennis Del Mar… if I ev'r hear bout ya goin' near that Jack Twist faggot again… I'll kill ya both!"_

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Jack paced back and front in front of the bed. He had returned to the hotel with every intention of packing his suitcase and heading back to Colorado, Let that asshole find his own damn way home!

However, as he stomped around the room throwing things in his bag, he tripped over something sticking out from under the bed and hidden by the bedspread. Stumbling and catching himself before he rammed face first into the nightstand, he cursed and reached down to grab whatever he had tripped over.

Ennis' boot.

Sighing heavily, Jack flopped back on the bed and closed his eyes. Dammit Ennis… ya dragged me all the way out here so's I'd be safe from some asshole, and then ya take off and go drinking with a even bigger asshole!

That was the problem, that right there. Jack knew that what he said to Ennis was all bullshit. He had been with Ennis long enough, and Ennis had opened up to him enough for him to know that it was not a case of Ennis not wanting him around, or even a case of Ennis being ashamed of him.

Jack's anger had been more about fear then actual rejection. He had seen the look in KE Del Mar's eyes… the hate and anger when their eyes had locked in that glare. Jack was afraid for Ennis… afraid of what KE might do or say to him.

_Be honest with yerself Twist… yer afraid he might say somethin' ta convince Ennis that bein' with ya is a mistake!_

Jack sighed again, and stood up dropping Ennis' boot back beside the bed and going into the bathroom. Standing in front of the sink, he splashed water on his face, and stood looking at himself as the water dripped off his chin and wet the front of his dress shirt.

Most of the time he didn't even admit it to himself, and he had done everything he could to perfect the art of hiding it from Ennis, but every now and then, a tiny little piece of Jack's mind still worried that one day Ennis was going to decide that loving him was a mistake and walk right out of his life forever.

_Dammit, Twist! Snap the hell out of it… jus' cause he took off with his brother and left ya out of it don' mean you have sit here and sulk!_

Jack thought for a minute, and then decided to call the one other person in his life with whom he could talk about anything, he picked up the phone and called his ma.

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So far everything was going ok. Ennis and KE had gone to a little bar in the outer part of town, and thus far little had been said. They talked a bit about family, KE telling Ennis about Tess' garden, and Mandy, his eldest daughter's baby boy born just last month.

Ennis listened carefully to KE's thoughts, and detected nothing that led him to think there was anything to worry about. He had begun to relax and was just starting on his third beer when KE suddenly turned to him with a glint of something unsettling in his eye, and said, "Hear from Joe Aguirre lately?"

Ennis felt his stomach drop, and he knew the color was draining quickly from his already pale face.

_Shit!_

Gulping, and trying to maintain a cool demeanor, Ennis said, "Nope… can' say's though I have… you?"

"Sure 'enough have…" KE replied, his voice getting harder.

Ennis swallowed his mouthful of beer forcing it down through his suddenly closed up throat, and plunked the bottle down on the table.

"Told me an interestin' lil bit'a information that ya seemed to leave outta yer letter tellin' me 'bout yer lil horse ranch out there in Colorado." KE added, smacking his own beer bottle down with a bit more force.

"Ya don' say." Ennis mumbled, his head lowering instinctively into his defensive huddle.

"Yup… told me that ya got yerself a partner up there runnin' that ranch. Fella name'a Jack Twist's what Joe said."

"Huh…" Ennis grunted in response. He could feel himself starting to tense up, and fought the fear that was suddenly coursing through him.

"Seems ta me," KE continued "that ya used ta know someone by that name… long time ago."

Ennis didn't respond to this, instead he closed his eyes and saw Jack lying cold and dead on the bed in their hotel room, a bullet hole in the center of his forehead.

_Ya was wrong Jack… ole KE, he don' need no tire iron… he's got himself a pistol in his truck… seen it with my own eyes._

"Dammit Ennis," KE suddenly stormed, his voice lowered but still loud enough so the two men sitting at the bar turned to look, "I told ya ta stay away from that queer motherfucker… now I find out that yer ranched up with him and livin' the high life… flauntin' the fact that you're a fuckin' pervert fer the whole fuckin' world ta see!"

Ennis tensed, and glanced around quickly. Fortunately it was a slow night, and the only other people in the bar were Sam, the barkeep, and those two men who Ennis had never seen before.

"Didn'tcha listen when I told ya what would happen if I found out 'bout ya acting queer again?" KE said, his voice filled with disgust and anger.

Suddenly, Ennis saw Jack again against his closed eyelids. This Jack wasn't dead… this Jack was standing in an alley behind Newsome's Farm Equipment… this Jack was standing in front of his soon to be ex father-in-law, standing up to him and three big guys with baseball bats… this Jack had had enough of being bullied and pushed around… this Jack was telling L.D. Newsome, a man who had made Jack's life a living hell every chance he got for nearly 2 decades, exactly what he thought of him… this Jack was scared of what the men would do with those bats, had to have been scared to cross the man that could have him dead in minutes… but this Jack didn't let fear stop him from standing up to his tormenter and showing him what kind of a man he was. This Jack was the kind of man that Ennis admired and wanted more then anything to be.

For the first time in 20 years, Ennis raised his head until he met his brother's eyes head on and said with the barest hint of a smile on his face, "Yeah… I was listenin'… I jus' decided that I don' give flyin' fuck what you think!"

"Wha… what did ya say?" KE asked his voice full of surprise as well as anger. _**I can' believe he has the gaul ta sit there and talk like that ta me... **_

"Ya heard me, KE Del Mar… I don' give a shit what ya think or say anymore! I'm through bein' scared a ya! For 20 fuckin' years I liv'd in the shadow of yer threats… I married a woman I didn' love and hurt her in more ways then I can ev'r make up for. I hurt my lil' girls because I was too miserable ta be the daddy they needed. I hurt the one person that loved me more then anythin' on earth… a person who was willin' ta give up everythin' to have a life with me. I denied myself the right to be with the one person that I ever loved… hurt myself more then I can even begin to say… and for what? You damn near ruined my life with yer hate... I ain' lettin' ya do it no more!"

While he spoke, Ennis was rising slowly from his seat, his face turning red, and his eyes flashing with a fire that had never existed there before.

"Ya think yer such a big man, huh? Big, bad KE Del Mar… went on out and killed yerself an old man jus' cause ya didn' like who he was… didn' like what he done in private! Well let me tell ya somethin' and ya better be listenin' ta Me… Jack Twist is ten times the man you'll eve'r be! An I'll tell ya somethin' else… I may be queer… I may be a goddam cocksuckin' faggot… but I know this much… it takes a hellauva lot more then likin' pussy ta be a man! Do yer worst asshole... come on at it... I think you'll find that this particul'r queer is man enough ta kick the shit oughta the likes a you!"

Ennis stopped here, and stood watching KE, waiting to see what he would do next and almost hoping he would come at him. His fists were ready and his heart was waiting to take out 30 years of anger on one of the men who brought on the fear that nearly crippled both him and Jack... the fear that had touched and hurt so many people over the years.

He was to be disappointed. KE Del Mar sat speechless, anger and shock coursing through him and all he could do was sit there.

"S'what I thought," Ennis spat out finally, "I'm goin' walk on outta here now… gonna go on back to my man where I belong… and by tomorrow mornin' Jack and I will be gone. I don' think I need ta tell ya ta stay the hell away from me and my family or what will happen ta ya if ya don'. Ain' no need fer ya ta bother ta think of havin' a queer fer a brother neither… cause you don' have a brother… haven' had one since that day you helped our daddy murder an old man fer no other reason except fer bein' afraid of him and who he was!"

With that, Ennis spun on his heel, tipped his hat to the shocked men that sat at the bar and walked quickly out of the bar.

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Ennis stopped a few steps from the door and took a deep breath. He was afraid, afraid that KE might just follow him on out and make good on his threat. Ennis stood there for a minute or two… waiting to see if he would emerge. When the door didn't open, Ennis looked back through the window of the bar and saw KE still sitting in the same spot, his hands wrapped around his beer bottle, and a confused look on his face.

Satisfied that he was safe enough for now, Ennis walked quickly to the payphone on the other side of the street. Putting a quarter in the slot, Ennis dialed the number of the Super 8 motel, and asked to be connected to his and Jack's room.

The phone rang twice before it was picked up on the other end by a nearly hysterical sounding Jack.

"Jack… what's wrong?" Ennis said immediately, all the things he had planned to say forgotten at the tone of Jack's voice.

"Ennis! Thank God it's you… I was gettin' ready ta come lookin' fer ya!"

"Calm down, Jack! Tell me what happen'd."

"It's my Ma, Ennis… I called ta talk ta her… she always knows what ta say… Oh God… Ennis my Ma, she's dying! She had a stroke. Uncle Harold called the ranch, but Rhonda didn't have a number fer us... Ennis I gotta go there… I gotta be with her in case...!" Jack's voice broke.

_**Please God, let me see my ma… don' let her die 'fore I can get there.**_

"We're goin', Jack!" Ennis said, "I'm on my way there now… I'll be there in a few minutes… jus' hold on Jack. Try ta get our things pack'd so's we can leave as soon as I get there."

"Ok, Ennis, I'll pack. Get here quick ok!"

"I'm on my way, Jack!"

"Ennis..." Jack said, his voice desperate, "thank ya, bud... I'm awful sorry bout b'fore..."

"Hush now, darlin'" Ennis cut in, "plenty a time fer that later... let's jus' get ta yer ma... k?"

Ennis didn't wait for a reply, he simply hung up and started running as quickly as he could toward the hotel.

9


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16: The Family Twist**

_Sara Twist had called up to Jack several times with no response. Smiling fondly, she decided he must be asleep so she climbed the stairs and knocked on the door to his bedroom. Hearing a muffled moaning sound from the other side of the door, and thinking that perhaps he was ill… after all, the food that he must have been eating up on that mountain can't have been all that good… she carefully opened the door whispering her son's name. Her words died on her lips as she took in the sight before her. _

_Jack was standing in the middle of his room, clothes and a few other odds and ends strewed across his bed and in a rumpled pile around his feet. The mess, however, was not what caused her to gasp and bring her hand to her throat. That was caused by the sight of her son, now a man fully grown, standing there amid the heap of clothes, his face buried in his hands, sobbing like she had not seen him do since he was a small boy. _

_Walking up behind him, she gently placed a hand on his shoulder. Lowering his hands, Jack turned to look at her and she gasped again. Etched on his face and radiating from blue eyes that usually twinkled with mischief , was so much pain… the deep despair that only comes from losing something precious… something irreplaceable. _

_Drawing a shuddering breath, Jack tried to speak but the only thing that came from his mouth was a choked sob. Sara opened her arms, and he nearly collapsed into them, sobbing anew, as though her gesture of comfort gave him permission to let all the pain inside him loose. _

_Sara said nothing, she simply guided him to the bed, gently pushed him to sit, and then sat next to him and just held him as he cried, his entire body hitching and jerking with each deep sob. Words spilled from his lips. Though she could not make out all he was saying, a few words were coherent enough for her to understand. Something to do with a harmonica that he had lost and someone or something called 'Ennis' that he was never going to see again, though the more she listened, the surer she became that this 'Ennis' was a person, not a thing. _

_When at last Jack seemed to have cried himself out, he sat up and hung his head, his face turning beet red, obviously feeling shame at breaking down the way he had. _

_"Well now," Sara said quietly as Jack took another deep breath, struggling to compose himself, "ya hungry? Yer Daddy's more'en likely sittin' downstairs wonderin' where we got off ta and thinkin' he might not be getting any supper tonight."_

_"Sure 'nough," Jack mumbled his voice hoarse. _

_Sara smiled and patted his knee as she leaned over and kissed the side of his head, "Ok… you go on and wash up then, an I'll go on down and get yer daddy his supper before he starts fretting." _

_Jack nodded, and watched as his ma stood up and left the room. She asked him no questions, in fact never mentioned Jack's tears that day, but she never forgot it… never forgot the pain and heartbreak in her boys eyes… never forgot the wracking sobs… and never forgot the broken sound of his voice when he spoke the name 'Ennis' over and over as though calling out to someone and receiving no answer. _

_That name had not crossed her son's lips again after that day, until one day four years later when he dropped in to visit after a fishing trip. This time, the name Ennis spilled from his lips naturally, as though he had spoken it daily his whole life, and there had never been a day when he had sobbed brokenly while speaking it. _

_Each trip after that, for 16 years, Sara smiled and listened as her son prattled on about Ennis, whose last name she now knew was Del Mar, and he seemed happy enough when speaking of him, though at times when he was talking or when he thought she wasn't looking at him, she would see a far off, haunted look in his eyes or catch the smallest hint of bitterness and regret in his voice. She knew that he sometimes locked himself in his old room and cried, though she had not gone in to comfort him again, somehow sensing that he would rather she not know. _

_She worried. She knew he was unhappy with his life, knew he was unhappy with his marriage, knew he was heart-broken by the fact that his father-in-law purposely alienated him from his son, knew that his heart lay somewhere it would be impossible for him to stay and knew how frustrated he was with the fact that he was helpless to change any of it._

_She wished that there was some way for her to help him… something she could do to take away the pain and depression that was obvious in him after each fishing trip he came to them from… a pain and depression that seemed to worsen as the years went by. _

_Then came a visit in November, Jack coming to them from yet another fishing trip. This time there was something different about him. He was more quiet, and withdrawn then ever before. For the first time in nearly 16 years, he did not speak of Ennis Del Mar even once. After dinner, he had gone up to bed very early, said he was tired, hadn't slept well on his trip, and the old Rodeo injury to his hip was bothering him. _

_Shortly after he went up, Sara had filled a hot water bottle and taken it up to him, thinking the heat would ease the ache in his hip. As she raised her hand to knock, she heard murmuring coming from behind the door, the voice was low and broken, but she could easily make out most of what was being said. _

_"… didn' mean it… God, Ennis… ya gotta know I didn' mean it…could nev'r quit you… jus' miss ya…so fuckin' much… can't stand it…"_

_Sighing, Sara knocked on the door. When she got no response, she opened the door a crack and said quietly, "Jack… you awake, son?"_

_"I'm awake," Jack replied, his voice straining with the obvious effort of trying to sound normal. _

_"I brought ya a hot water bottle, thought maybe it might help ease yer hip." She replied, and opened the door wider causing light to spill into the dark gloom of the room. The flare of light lit up the bed, and Sara was surprised to see that Jack was lying on the bed, still fully clothed and was curled around something that looked like a denim shirt, clutching it to his chest. _

_"Thanks, Ma." Jack said, sitting up quickly and crossing over to the door to take the hot water bottle. In the process, he stepped into the path of the light, and threw the bed once more into darkness before Sara could get a look at what she was sure was the shirt that always hung way in the back of Jack's closet… the one with the plaid shirt tucked inside it. She was pretty sure she knew who that plaid shirt had belonged to, and the reason why her son had kept them hidden away up there all these years, though she never said anything to Jack about it._

_Sara had left and gone to her own room, where she tossed and turned for a long time, worrying about her boy. _

_Sara Twist was not an educated woman, she had married John Twist when she was only 16… spent the first 6 years of their marriage giving birth to two still born babies and losing another, Caleb, a sickly child from birth, to meningitis before his second birthday. She spent the month after that watching the light in her husband's eyes die slowly, he had loved his son beyond measure, and she knew his heart was broken beyond repair at losing him._

_When she discovered she was pregnant again, she hesitated to tell John at first. Caleb had only been gone six months, and though John had recovered enough to go back to his usual work schedule on the ranch, he still had that pained look on his face that said his grief was still there just under the surface._

_When Jack was born, she felt an immediate pull to this new baby. He was healthy, was almost never sick, and always seemed so happy. From the first day, his daddy had resented him. Sara had always believed that John's grief over Caleb's death had caused him to harden his heart against loving another child. It had not helped that Jack looked so very much like Caleb, the only difference being his big cerulean blue eyes that looked so much like those of her brother. As he grew into a handsome young man, Sara had delighted at the way his big blue eyes lit up when something made him happy, and her heart ached when anything made those eyes turn sad or fill with pain or fear. _

_She was horrified by the things her husband did and said to Jack, though she knew the pain that drove him, she hated the rage that he allowed himself to feel toward his own son and tried her hardest to shield him from his daddy's anger whenever she could. _

_Because of this, she and Jack had formed a bond between them, and for most of his life, Sara knew him better then anyone… knew him well enough to know when he was happy or sad, and when he was hiding something. _

_She knew that her boy was special, saw with her own eyes his gentle spirit and ability to love deeply, saw also his pride, stubbornness and determination… determination to get past his daddy's hate and spitefulness, and prove to him and the rest of the world that he was a man no matter what his daddy might say differently. A part of her had always believed that that had been the reason for Jack getting married down there in Texas, to prove to his daddy that he was a man. _

_Sara had seen the emptiness and loss in Jack's eyes when he sat at the table and told her John about his new wife and job in her daddy's company. She remembered that look of loss, and couldn't help but think, two years later, what a sharp contrast there was between the empty flat look that had been in his eyes when he spoke of his new wife and a baby on the way, and the fierce glow in his eyes when he spoke of Ennis Del Mar._

_She had been around long enough to recognize that glow. She knew what it meant… that was the same look you see in the eyes of person when they look at and talk about the one they love beyond all others. _

_As she lay in bed trying to let sleep take her, she thought about the things that Jack had murmured, and wondered just who this Ennis Del Mar was and what sort of a man he was…did he care about her son as much as Jack obviously cared about him… what was it about him that had stolen her boy's heart and held it all these years._

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Ennis glanced across the seat at Jack. He was worried. The first hour of the trip Jack had prattled and railed on about what a horrible son he was for not going to see his Ma more often. He cursed himself for not sending money more often, and blamed himself for the stroke, convinced that it was caused by her working too hard because he hadn't taken good enough care of her.

At first Ennis had done his best to convince Jack that none of this was his fault, but after a bit it became apparent that Jack would adamantly refuse to listen to any denial of his guilt, so Ennis had stopped trying to console him, and simply listened to the harsh litany of Jack's supposed crimes against his Ma.

After a while, Jack had fallen silent, and had said almost nothing for over 2 hours. His thoughts were such a jumble of pain and memories, that Ennis found himself blocking them as much as possible because they were to painful to bear.

They stopped in Buffalo to gas up and use the bathroom. Ennis went into the little store and walked up and down a couple of isles looking for something that he and Jack could have for a snack. They had left Riverton at 3:00 AM, and had neither of them had thought about food up until now.

When he got back to the truck, Ennis passed Jack sandwich and a glass bottle of Coke. Jack wrinkled his nose at the sandwich and tossed it on the dash. Ennis popped the caps off the sodas with a bottle opener, and watched as Jack took a long hard pull off his, draining half the bottle in one gulp.

Taking a big breath, he leaned his head back against the seat and said, "Thanks, Bud… needed that!"

Ennis patted Jack's knee and Jack turned his head and smiled, a small tired smile that just barely reached his eyes.  
_**  
**__**"So damn tired!"**_

Glancing around quickly, and seeing that there was no one else out and around this early, Ennis reached out and cupped Jack's chin, rubbing his thumb across his cheek and said in a low voice, "Still got about 'nother 4 hours a drivin' 'fore we get ta yer folks place, why doncha try ta get some sleep, darlin'". Jack started to protest, but Ennis hushed him with a finger pressed to his lips and continued, "Yer 'bout done in, bud… can see it in yer face. Ya won' be no good to yer Ma if ya can't even stand up!"

Closing his eyes and sighing, Jack nodded, "'Kay, Ennis." He said in a tired voice that made Ennis worry even more.

Turning away slightly, Jack took his jacket and bunched it up in a ball. Stuffing it into the corner of the seat, he leaned back against it and closed his eyes, sure that he would never be able to sleep but not wanting to cause the lines of worry on Ennis forehead to deepen.

Within 10 minutes he was snoring slightly, and Ennis threw gazes at him every so often, the worry lines lessening slightly and a fond smile playing across his lips.

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Harold Twist was walking across the yard in front of the house when he spotted the strange truck coming up the drive, a cloud of dust billowing behind it. Squinting, he cupped a hand over his eyes and tried to make out the faces of the people.

So many friends and neighbors, mostly church friends of Sara's, had stopped by in the last few days to offer comfort, support and food, that he sighed and assumed it was another set of kindly old women or men wanting to help. Nice enough folks, all of them, and they always meant well, but ultimately ended up standing around Sara's bed talking about her as though she were already dead.

When the truck came to a stop, and the dust cleared, he squinted again, and was able to make out two heads, obviously both men, one of them leaning against the door as though asleep. Starting across the yard, he saw the driver reach across the seat and shake the shoulder of the passenger. As soon as his head popped up, he looked around and opened the truck door. Hopping out, he stretched hard and turned to look back into the cab. Harold heard him say in a familiar voice, "Don't be stupid, Ennis… comeon… ya need to come meet my Ma!"

"Jack!" Harold exclaimed, happiness and relief in his voice.

"Hey, Uncle Harold!" Jack said, excitement in his voice. Turning back to look one last time at the other man, who still sat in the truck, Jack muttered just barely loud enough for Harold to hear, "Comeon, Ennis… ya can't jus' sit here!" before he slammed the truck door and strode quickly across the yard to return Harold's bear hug.

"Jack, damn good ta see ya, boy! Was afraid we wouldn' be able ta get hold a ya till next week, knew ya was Wyoming, and knew ya'd wanna be here fer ya Ma." Harold said, pulling out of the hug and clapping Jack on the shoulder.

Jack swallowed hard, and asked in a low voice, "How is Ma, Uncle Harold? Sounded pretty bad when I talked ta Aunt Grechen."

"Was touch and go there fer awhile, gotta tell ya. Doc weren' even sure if she was gonna make it through the first night. He was here bout a hour ago though and said she's improv'd quite a bit… she's awake now and talking. She still can't use her legs too good, but the doc is saying now she'll more'en likely pull through, though he don' think she'll be able to walk again fer a bit… needs ta build her legs back up. Also said she won't be able ta work so hard as before."

Jack breathed a sigh of relief and hung his head for a moment, muttering a quiet thanks to whoever might have been listening to his frantic prayers.

He raised his head in surprise when he heard his uncle say in a friendly voice, "Hello there, ya must be Ennis. Sara tole me all about you and Jack's ranch." Jack glanced over and saw Ennis standing about 6 feet away, hands crammed into his pockets, hat lowered and feet shuffling slightly in the dust.

"Sir." Ennis replied, low and polite, and extended his hand to shake.

"Well!" Harold said, smiling, "let's get on inside and see yer Ma! Told her ya was comin' and she's been champin' at the bit fer ya ta get here. She'll not fergive me if she finds out I kept ya out here jawin' stead of bringing ya in ta see her!"

Smiling, his relief at hearing that his Ma was not dying after all written all over him so that his step was lighter and his shoulders were straight again, Jack walked quickly across that yard in the direction of the house. Harold turned to follow him, his hand on his shoulder filling him in on the rest of what the doctor had said, and repeating how good it was to see him. Ennis trailed behind, listening to Jack and his uncle talk, and worrlying about what people were going to think about him being there with Jack.

As the screen door slapped closed behind them, Harold called out, "Hey, Gretchen, Sara… lookie what the wind blew in!"

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Ennis sat at the table in the Twist kitchen, a cup of cooling coffee between his hands, and a dumbstruck look on his face.

When they had entered the house, Uncle Harold had led Jack back to the bedroom where his Ma was staying. Jack had tried to drag Ennis along with him, but Ennis had resisted and told Jack to go on and see him Ma alone first, he'd come in to meet her later.

Jack had shrugged, too happy to see his Ma to argue much. Ennis had stood in the kitchen for a bit, holding his hat and not quite sure what to do with himself. Finally he stepped on onto the porch and lit a cigarette. As he stood there smoking, he heard the screen door open, and Uncle Harold came out and stood next to him at the porch rail.

"Sir," Ennis said again politely, and offered his cigarette pack to the man. Harold held up a hand and shook his head.

"No thanks, son… quit them 'bout 2 years ago."

"Sure 'nough" Ennis replied, and slid the pack into his shirt pocket. The two stood in silence for awhile and watched the sun climb its way up into the sky.

Suddenly, Harold cleared his throat, and said in a low serious voice, "Jack's my only nephew… didya know that?"

"That so…?" Ennis replied, beginning to tense up, unsure where this might lead.

"Yep… had three older brothers, two stillborn, one died 'fore he was two."

"Damn, that's tough." Ennis said, his confusion growing and mixing with a sense of sadness that this family had suffered that kind of loss.

"Yep… was damn rough on his Ma… damn near killed my brother."

"I can 'magine, can't think what I would do if somethin' happen'd ta my girls."

"Him being the only one… guess ya can probably 'magine how fond we'all are a 'em."

Ennis nodded, his stomach tightening as he began to realize what the man was getting at.

"Do jus' 'bout anythin' fer em… would put a serious hurt on anyone that did wrong by 'em… ya know. Me and Gretchen… we weren' never able ta have any young'uns of our own, so Jack… he's pretty special ta Gretchen." He said this last in a tone that said that he was equally special to him as well.

The words were spoken in a conversational tone, the way that someone would speak if talking about the weather, but the meaning behind them was not lost on Ennis.

Cringing as soon as the words left his mouth, Ennis replied with a bit of bite, "From what Jack tells me, his daddy ain' a'ways so fond!"

Bracing himself for either a blow or an order to get off the property, Ennis jumped hard when Harold suddenly burst out laughing. Smiling, he patted Ennis on the shoulder, and said in an amused voice, "Doncha pay John no mind now… his barks lot worse then his bite. He's had a tough life… no excuse fer the way he treated Jack, nor the way he still talks ta em when he's drinkin' mind ya. Doncha worry bout it none. I'll keep 'em in line while yer here."

Clapping Ennis on the shoulder again, he said in his friendly offhand manner, "Good ta know we're in agreement on the Jack thin'."

Ennis wasn't to sure what he meant by that, didn't remember agreeing to anything, but he nodded anyway.

"A'right then… let's get on inside. Gretchen made a apple pie when she heard ya was comin', and I think I can scare us up some coffee."

Ennis followed him into the kitchen. Standing at the counter, slicing an apple pie into wedges and placing them on plates, was a woman that Ennis assumed must be Jack's Aunt Gretchen.

Harold walked over and placed a kiss on her cheek, and she turned to look at him. They exchanged a quick look and a nod, and Ennis realized that she was aware of Harold's conversation with him, that it had been planned, and that somehow he had passed their examination and been deemed acceptable.

Turning around, and wiping her hands on the apron tied around her waist, Gretchen crossed the room and, to Ennis' complete shock, threw her arms around him in a big hug.

"Welcome, Ennis," she said in the same friendly tone as her husband, "we've heard so much about ya from Jack an Sara… feels like we a'ready know ya!"

Smiling, she pulled away from Ennis, who hadn't moved and was still as a stone a look of complete amazement on his face, and patted his cheek.

"Ok, Dear, ya sit right on down here an I'll get ya a cuppa coffee an a piece'a pie. Ya do like apple doncha?"

"Yes'um," Ennis responded, still not quite sure what had just happened.

Now, as he sat at the table, the pie eaten, though he wasn't sure he remembered doing so, and his cup of coffee cold in his hands, he heard footsteps in the hall and Jack came into the room saying in a loud happy voice, "Comeon Ennis! Come an meet… Ennis?" Stopping in his tracks, Jack looked at Ennis' shell-shocked expression and then glanced at his aunt and uncle, who simply smiled at him.

_**Shit! Leave 'em alone fer a minute and the wolves attack! **_

Jack walked slowly over to Ennis, and laid his hand on his back. "Hey Ennis… wanna come meet my Ma now? She's 'bout ready fer a nap, but she says she wants ta say hi ta ya first."

Ennis glanced around quickly, and seeing everyone looking at him and smiling, he flushed, quickly nodded and walked ahead of Jack out of the kitchen. As he walked out he heard Jack ask in a somewhat hushed but slightly amused voice, "What the heck did ya do ta 'em?" and heard chuckling as a reply.

Turning back and glancing once over his shoulder as they left, he saw Jack's Aunt and Uncle standing in the kitchen, still smiling at him.

Ennis held his hat in front of him as he entered the room where Jack's ma lay in her sick bed.

" Hello there, Mr. Del Mar," a hoarse but friendly sounding voice came from the bed, "comeon over here so's I can see ya."

Swallowing hard, Ennis walked slowly across the room to the side of the bed, and looked up at the woman lying there. He felt himself jump at bit when he saw the twinkling blue eyes looking up at him. So much like Jack's, though not so bright a blue, they held that same look that Jack's usually did, a joy of life that always made Ennis happy to be alive so he could see it.

"Ennis, Ma'am," he said, and cleared his throat, "names Ennis… Del Mar."

She chuckled, although it came out sounding a bit like a wheeze, and Ennis watched as Jack's face quickly showed his concern and his ma patted his hand absently to reassure him that she was fine.

"Well, Ennis. I have heard a lot 'bout ya over the years." At this Ennis glanced quickly at Jack who shrugged and grinned sheepishly.

"Jack had told me so much 'bout ya, I feel like I know ya. So good ta finally meet ya, nice ta put a name with a face. You'll have ta tell me all 'bout ya."

Gulping audibly, Ennis nodded and said in a reed thin voice, "Sure nough, Ma'am."

"Later, Ma." Jack said, and smiled at her, "You and Ennis can talk all ya want later. Right now ya need ta get some rest."

Sara Twist smiled and nodded, then she reached out her hands and patted both Ennis and Jack's cheeks.

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Ennis and Jack stood out by the barn leaning against the upper rail of the pasture fence. Ennis had been quiet ever since they left the house, and Jack could no longer stand not knowing what was bothering him.

Checking to make sure they were safely hidden from view of that house, he stepped over and wrapped his arms around Ennis' waist, pressing his chest against his back.

"Hey there, Cowboy… penny fer yer thoughts?"

Ennis snorted and said, "Not sure they're worth that much."

Jack chuckled, and said, "Well… probably can't afford 'em then… wanna tell me anyway?"

Ennis shrugged, "don' know really… jus' that… yer family…"

"What about 'em?" Jack asked, tensing a bit. He had only been kidding when he asked Uncle Harold and Aunt Gretchen had done to Ennis, he couldn't picture them doing or saying anything impolite or nasty to a friend of his, but now he wondered if maybe he was wrong.

"I dunno… their jus' so… nice!" Ennis said, cringing when he realized how silly that sounded.

Jack's laughter confirmed that and Ennis scowled slightly though he didn't feel really put out by being laughed at.

"What'cha expect, Cowboy… think they was gonna stake ya out in the yard and throw pitchforks at ya?"

"Very funny, Asshole!" Ennis said, and shook himself free from Jack's arms, though not with any real anger. Turning around so he was facing Jack, he continued, his head down, eyes burning holes in his boots.

"They know, don't they… 'bout us?" He asked, his voice so low that Jack had to strain to make out all the words.

He felt a thrill course through him at the 'us'. Even after all this time of being together, he still got a thrill from Ennis saying anything out loud confirming that they were indeed 'together'.

"I s'pect they do, Babe," Jack said gently, and brushed his knuckles lightly across Ennis' lowered face, "Sorta think my Ma has known since '63… since the day she came in and found me cryin' cause I lost that damn harmonica… course it weren' really the harmonica… and I think she figur'd that out pretty quick."

Ennis looked up at him then, a gleam of something in his eyes that Jack couldn't quite decipher.

Shrugging, he said, "Uncle Harold and Aunt Gretchen… well… I 'magine my Ma probably tole 'em… either that or they figur'd it out when I wrote ta tell 'em bout the ranch."

"Surprises me," Ennis said, that look lingering, "yer family acceptin' it so easy… acceptin' me so quick… K.E, he… well he ain' never gonna accept me and who I am… won' never accept ya that way, don' 'magine my sister would neither."

"Don' surprise me! My family may not be perfect, but they care 'bout me 'nough to accept who I am. As fer yer brother… its his damn loss if he don' wanna accept ya… losin' out on havin' a damn good man fer his brother!"

Ennis smiled at him and reached out, pulling him into his arms and holding him tight. "Ya… well… far as I'm concerned, his loss in not accepting you is even worse… missin' out on knowin' a pretty wonderful fella!"

Jack grinned, and then said suddenly, that devilish twinkle in his eye, "Tell ya what, Ennis Del Mar… if ya don' kiss me right now, I'm gonna go in there and tell Uncle Harold that ya ain' treating me right and he'll put a hurt on ya but good!"

Ennis laughed out loud before swooping down and pressing his lips against Jack's in a deep kiss that neither pulled away from for a good long time.

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Jack and Ennis were walking back toward the house, talking and joking, when they heard loud voices coming from inside the house.

"Where'tha hell is he?" A voice roared, and Harold's equally loud voice yelled back, "Shut the hell up and get over here, John!"

Ennis looked at Jack and saw that he was cringing, most of the color gone from his face.

_**Fuck! Damn near fergot bout the old bastard!**_

Ennis sighed and said in a low voice, "If I'm not mistaken, that would be yer daddy."

Jack walked swiftly toward the house, shoulders squared and back ramrod straight.

"Yup! That'd be him."

Ennis walked through the door behind Jack, and drew himself up at the scene before them. A man that could only be John Twist was staggering and stumbling around in the kitchen, bumping in to everything in his path and yelling at the top of this lungs.

When Jack and Ennis entered, he swung around, and glared at them menacingly.

"So...," he slurred, and brought the bottle in his hand up to his mouth. The bottle was empty, and he grunted in frustration and threw it across the room, bringing forth a yell from Gretchen, who was standing off to the side, her hands clutched in front of her chest.

"The pansy ass queer returns… and lookie here… he brung another one with 'em!"

Ennis felt Jack stiffen beside him.

_**Oh Please… not now… not just when Ennis was startin' ta feel comfortable here… now the old bastard has ta come in and fuck it all up with his drunken shit! **_

Wanting to reassure Jack, he reached a hand out grasping his wrist. He felt Jack relax a little but kept his hand there.

"Well… ain' that jus' so sweet… look at 'em… holdin' hands like a couple'a girls."

"Christ John… jus' shut up now and let me take ya upstairs so's ya can sleep it off!" Harold hissed, glancing at Ennis and seeing how red his face was.

Harold grabbed John's arm and tried ta propel him toward the stairs, but he yanked his arm free and staggered toward Jack muttering curses, punctuating every few words with a sharp and clear "queer". When he finally got close to Jack, he leaned his face forward, and said in a nasty voice, "Bad 'nough ya had ta show yer filthy face 'round here, didya have ta bring'a whole herd a queers 'long with ya? Ain' bad 'nough ya made yer mama so 'shamed that she done collapsed and can't walk no more… here ta do more damage are ya? Come ta finish 'er off?"

"A'right… that's jus' 'bout 'nough I think!" Jack turned quickly, shock written across his face when he heard Ennis' voice. Every head in the room turned to look as he stepped forward and put himself between Jack and his daddy.

"Ya can say anythin' ya want 'bout me, and insult us all day if ya want, but ya ain' gonna stand there and blame Jack fer his ma being sick! It ain' his fault, an I won' stand fer ya blamin' him and makin out like it is!"

"You goddamn queer! What makes ya think ya can come inta my house and tell me what I'm gonna say!" John Twist drew back his fist and swung it wildly at Ennis. Halfway through the swing he staggered sideways, and instead of connecting with Ennis' face, his fist connected with Jack's jaw.

Jack yelped and stumbled backwards, Gretchen screamed, Ennis shouted, "HEY!!" and quickly stepped in front of Jack again drawing back his own fist and blocking him from any further blows, and Harold yelled, "GODDAMMIT, JOHN!!" and leaped forward to restrain John from swinging again.

The swing seemed to have taken the last bit of strength out of John, and he barely resisted when Harold led him away to the stairs. As he climbed them, supported by Harold who looked mad enough to chew nails and spit out thumbtacks, Ennis could hear him muttering about "damn queers".

Leading Jack to a chair, Ennis accepted a washcloth full of ice from Gretchen who had run quickly to fetch it once the excitement died down.

Sitting beside him, Ennis gently pressed the icepack to Jack's jaw, his other hand coming up and gently rubbing Jack's back in soothing circles. Without even thinking about Gretchen who stood watching the whole exchange, he leaned forward a bit and said, "Ya ok, darlin'?"

"Ya… I'm ok… damn, fer a no good drunk, the man still packs a wallop!"

Ennis smiled, and brought his hand up to lightly ruffle Jack's hair, being careful not to hurt his jaw by jostling it to much.

"Well… looks like ya met the whole clan… the whole fuckin' Family Twist! Still think ya wanna be part'a it?" Jack asked, his voice amused, with a barely detectable trace of worry.

"Darlin'," Ennis replied, his voice serious as could be, although the twinkle in his eyes quickly gave him away, "I don' think I have a choice… slow as ya are bout duckin' a punch… gotta stick around ta hold the icepack fer ya!"

Jack chuckled, and winced, "Asshole!"

Neither noticed as Gretchen ducked quietly out of the kitchen, stopping Harold on his way back in, and telling him that she wanted a walk in the pasture before dinner. Glancing into the kitchen and seeing Jack and Ennis sitting there, Ennis still holding the ice to Jack's jaw with one hand, and cupping Jack's cheek with his other, Harold grinned and replied, "Ya know my dear, that sounds like a damn good idea!"

16


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17: A Restless Night**

_Ennis stood on the porch, and watched the bats swooping back and forth from the barn to the yellow spotlight mounted on the feed shed. __Catching flies fer their supper. __He thought idly and took another drag off his cigarette. _

_He had left Jack inside sleeping. Though it was very late, and he and Jack had been working hard helping his daddy out a bit, Ennis was restless and couldn't get to sleep.___

_They had been here for nearly a week, and Jack's Ma seemed to be making great progress. Ennis grinned wryly as he thought, __"she ser didn let that stroke keep her from rakin me over the coals none."_

_The day after they had arrived, he and Jack had been sitting and chatting with her while she had breakfast. She had regained most of the strength in her hands, and was able to feed herself with almost no assistance. _

_When she drank the last of her tea, and placed the cup in the tray, Jack stood up and picked the tray up. "Ya need anythin' else, Ma?" he asked as he started for the door. _

_"No, dear, I'm fine fer now." She replied as she leaned back against the pillows. _

_"Ok..." Jack said at the door, "guess me and Ennis will head on out to the fields, see if we can fix up some a that fence line that needs mending."_

_"Sounds good." Sara replied, but as Ennis rose to follow Jack from the room, she reached out a hand and touched his arm, "Ennis, would you stay here fer a minute… something I wanna talk ta ya bout."_

_Ennis gulped, and looked at Jack who shrugged and smiled. _

_"A'right, ma'am." Ennis mumbled, and sat back down. _

_"Go on now Jack… go help yer daddy, Ennis won' be long." _

_Jack left, closing the door behind him, and Ennis heard him thinking as he left._

**_Shit… somehow I don' think she wants ta talk bout the weather… sorry, Cowboy… ain' no savin' ya from this one!_**

_Once the door had closed behind Jack, Sara looked at Ennis and smiled. He returned the smile with a tentative one of his own. _

_"Ennis," she began, clearing her throat and taking a sip of water from the glass on her nightstand, "I'm gonna say this ta ya straight out. I'm an old woman… ain got much time here fer the lord calls me home, so I ain got time ta mince words. Jack's talk'd a lot bout ya over the years," she continued, her face stern but her voice soft, "told me lotsa good things bout ya. But I also know that my boy has done a lotta hurtin' over ya durin' them years." _

_Ennis glanced quickly at her again, and then lowered his eyes to his hands that were fidgeting and fussing with the brim of his hat, lying across his knees. He nodded, unable to speak._

_"Now I don' know all the details, don' really want or need ta… none a my business anyways. But I do know this much, my boy feels pretty strong about ya. My thinkin' is that there must be somethin' pretty special 'bout ya that kept ya in his heart all them years even though I could tell it was hurtin' him fer ya ta be there."_

_Ennis swallowed hard, and mumbled, "Ma'am, I…" but she cut him off by quickly continuing._

_"Like I said, ain' none a my business! I just wanted ta be sure a one thing, an then I promise ta keep my busybody nose ta myself."_

_"A'right…" Ennis mumbled, relieved that she was not going to make him explain about he and Jack's previous relationship. _

_"I jus' wanna know that yer gonna do right by him… not cause him no more heartbreak." _

_Ennis took a deep breath and looked Jack's Ma in the eye, making the first real and true promise that he had ever made to anyone in his life._

_"Ma'am, I swear ta ya that I will. I… well… I feel pretty strong on em too."_

_Sara smiled and patted his arm, "I believe that ya will dear. Ya seem like a good boy. Must admit…" at this point she paused and blushed just a little, "seems my son has done real good by himself."_

_Ennis blushed furiously and mumbled something that sounded like, "thank-you"._

_"A'right… ya go on an get now fer Jack comes in here thinkn' I mighta done ya in!"_

_Ennis smiled and stood up, heaving a sigh of relief, thinking, __That weren' so bad as I thought!_

_As he turned to leave, Sara said his name again, "Ennis…" he turned and she smiled at him, all the sternness gone from her face, "Thank you fer indulging an old woman, dear… was nice ta spend the time with ya."_

_"Pleasure was mine, Ma'am." Ennis said and nodded. _

_Thinking back on that conversation, and the others that he had had with Jack's family over the last few days, it was easy to see how Jack could turn out so nice and understanding of others. _

_The one person that seemed to throw a pall over everything and everyone, was Jack's daddy. John Twist, Sr. was a surly man even when sober. Oddly enough, he had accepted Ennis and Jack's offer to help out on the spread with little to no hassle. However, when they were working, even having spent hours working side by side, he had spoken not one word to Ennis or Jack. This suited Ennis just fine, but he could see that his father's stony silence bothered Jack. _

_Lighting another cigarette, Ennis thought about the sneers and hard looks he had received from the old man over the last few days, and thought about Jack, and what growing up under that man's shadow must have truly been like. Of course, Ennis knew from his own experience just what it must have been like. The main difference being that Jack had been fortunate enough to have a mother to turn to, and an aunt and uncle who obviously loved him. Something Ennis had not had since his mother died… not until he met Jack anyway. _

_Ennis heard the screen door creak behind him, and he turned his head to see who was coming out, his gut clenching for fear that it would be the old man. He and Jack had watched him lurch off into the fields with a bottle of whiskey earlier, and later, after everyone was in bed, Ennis had heard him returning, stumbling and cursing his way into the room that he shared with Jack's Ma when she was well. _

_Ennis sighed with relief when he saw that it was Jack standing there._

_"Hey there, Darlin'." He said, his voice hushed so he wouldn't disturb anyone in the house. _

_"Hey, Babe," Jack replied, smiling and walking over to stand next to him. He reached out and took the pack of cigarettes and lighter that Ennis was holding out to him, but instead of immediately pulling his arm back toward himself, he ran a finger across the palm of Ennis' hand first._

_"Can't sleep, Cowboy?" he asked, after lighting up and returning the lighter to Ennis' shirt pocket. _

_Ennis shrugged, and didn't reply. They stood in companionable silence for a bit, smoking and watching the bats swoop and glide. _

_Jack took a last drag from his cigarette and flicked it off into the dark, an orange arch through the black, followed by a puff of orange sparks, and a black shape swooping down to investigate. _

_Jack stepped closer, and wrapped his arms around Ennis' waist pressing his face to Ennis' back. "Tell ya what, Cowboy… I can't seem ta sleep neither. What bout going fer a walk?"_

_"Huh?" Ennis said, and turned around in the circle of Jack's arms. _

_"Moon's out… its light enough ta see… let's go fer a walk. There's a little stream down in the south field. Ain' no stock down there this time a year… might be we could go fer a swim."_

_"Jesus, Jack… it's a bit dark fer swimmin' ain' it?" Ennis replied, surprise and amusement in his voice. _

_Jack chuckled, "Yeah… prob'bly is… more lookin' fer an excuse ta get ya outta yer clothes then anythin'." _

**_Come'on Cowboy… miss ya… need ta touch ya… please…_**

_Ennis laughed, and leaned in for a quick kiss. Jack however had other thoughts, and slid his hand up to the back of Ennis' head and tightened his arm around him, holding the kiss until Ennis' breathing was quickened and a bit ragged, his hands clutching handfuls of Jack's shirt. _

_"Tell ya what, Darlin'," Ennis said against Jack's lips when he finally moved his hand enough for him to pull back, his voice husky and eyes gleaming in the moonlight, "I think ya might jus' have you a good idea. Let's go fer that walk!" _

_Smiling broadly, Jack grabbed Ennis' hand and said, "Well then… come'on, Cowboy… let's get goin'!" _

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_Harold Twist stood stock still in the dark kitchen. He watched Jack grab Ennis' hand, and they walked quickly off toward the south field, hands swinging between them, laughing, and nudging each other as they went. _

_He jumped a bit when a pair of slim arms snaked around his waist, and his wife's voice reached his ears, "Ain' ya ever been told that it ain' nice ta spy on folks?" _

_Her voice sounded stern, but Harold had known her long enough to hear the amusement and affection in it as well. _

_"Weren' tryin' ta spy!" He said quickly, keeping his voice low so that Jack and Ennis, who had stopped in the barnyard for another kiss, wouldn't hear him. _

_"I was jus' comin' out fer a glass a water, and saw the door was open. I heard voices, and I looked ta see who was up and… well… saw em."_

_Gretchen, who had in fact been peeking out the bedroom window, and had seen the passionate kiss for herself, couldn't resist teasing her husband just a little. _

_"Seen 'em? Whatdaya mean?" She said, trying hard to keep her amusement out of her voice. _

_Harold gulped, and said in a low voice, "They was… well… they was kissing!" _

_Gretchen giggled, and slapped her husbands arm, "Harold Twist, ya mean ta tell me that ya jus stood here in the kitchen watchin' them boys kissin' and ya didn' have the decency ta turn away an give em some privacy?" _

_"Gretch…" Harold began, feeling his face heating up. _

_"Least I had the decency ta watch from the bedroom where I couldn' get caught!" Gretchen said, and laughed at the shocked expression on her husband's face. _

_"Oh sure ya minx… stand there an give me the dickens while all the time ya was…" _

_Harold was cut off by Gretchen's hand pressed over his lips, "Shush, Harold… you'll wake Sara!" _

_She felt him frown behind her hand as he nodded. She removed her hand, and grinned sheepishly at him, "Ya gotta admit one thing…" she said, and Harold raised an eyebrow, an expression that looked incredibly like that of his nephew's look of inquiry, "they sure do look cute together!"_

_Harold rolled his eyes and turned her in the direction of their bedroom, "A'right woman, back ta bed with ya… think we've had 'bout enough excitement fer one night!" _

_Shaking his head, he followed his laughing wife back into the bedroom. As they were climbing into bed, Harold spoke in the dark room, "Don' know 'bout cute, but I'll say this… don' think I've ever seen Jack so happy."_

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_When they crossed the yard in front of the barn, Jack told Ennis to wait for a minute, and ducked into the barn, emerging a few minutes later with a quilt. _

_"Where'd that come from, Jack?" Ennis asked, suspicion in his voice. Jack grinned, and grabbed Ennis' hand, tugging his along toward the fence line. _

_"Brought it out the other day… just in case!" Jack replied, and grunted slightly when Ennis pulled him to a stop and tugged his arm, bringing him up against his chest again. _

_"Hmmm… Jus' in case what, Darlin'?" Ennis said, leaning forward to kiss Jack's neck and nibble his earlobe a bit. _

_"Mmmmm…", Jack hummed for a second, Ennis' lips and nibbling sending delicious little shivers through his belly and straight to his groin, "in case ya did that! Ya know I can't help myself when ya do that, Babe."_

_"Yup, I know…" Ennis replied in a low voice, before he carefully licked a path across Jack's chin, pausing for a moment to nibble his bottom lip and lick the corner of his mouth before moving on to the other side and gently taking Jack's other earlobe between his teeth._

_Jack tilted his head to the side, giving Ennis full access to his ear and neck, and moaned again as that coil of heat settled itself completely and his jeans began to feel uncomfortably tight. His hands came up to rest on Ennis' shoulders, fingers kneading the tight muscles, and sending a similar shiver down Ennis' body to his already heated and hard arousal._

_Ennis pressed his lips to Jack's ear and whispered in a voice so full of lust and desire that Jack's knees buckled a bit and he had to hold on to Ennis' shoulders tighter so he wouldn't tumble to the ground then and there, "Need ya, Jack… been too long… wanna feel ya against me… miss touchin' ya somethin' fierce."_

_Jack swallowed hard, and tried to steady his trembling hands. _

_Pushing against Ennis chest, Jack walked unsteadily over to a small dip in the field. From inside the low area, you could see anyone coming before they reached you, but the dip itself was hidden until you were right on top of it. _

_Spreading out the blanket, Jack turned back to Ennis and slowly began unbuttoning his shirt, never taking his eyes off Ennis' face. As soon as Ennis saw Jack undressing he began shedding his own clothes until soon they were both naked. _

_Standing on the quilt, Ennis once again wrapped Jack in his arms and resumed nibbling and caressing Jack's neck and ears with his lips, teeth and tongue. Tearing himself away, and immediately missing Ennis mouth on his skin, Jack laid down on the blanket, and held a hand out to Ennis who quickly joined him. They came together quickly, bodies twining together, touching from head to toe and kissing slowly and deeply, drinking from each others lips and moaning low in their throats. _

_"God," Jack gasped when he felt Ennis squirm closer, rubbing himself against him and pressing his hips closer, humping against Jack's matching hardness, "it's been way to long… feels so damn good ta be touchin' ya again…"_

_"Jack…" Ennis moaned in response, burying his face in Jack's neck and licking a path across his jaw line to his lips, "how did I go so fuckin' long without touchin' ya like this… sometimes months ta a time… how I did I not go insane without feelin' ya against me… an now… it ain' even been a week an I want ya so bad I can't see straight!" _

_Jack groaned in response and said in a low desperate voice, "can't wait no more, Ennis… please...!"_

_Ennis nodded and pulled back. Slicking himself with a little of the lube that Jack had brought along, another item stashed in the barn, he pushed forward and buried himself deep in Jack's body, shuddering at the hot feeling of Jack under him…around him… and fighting for control at the surge of heat that rippled through him as he heard Jack moan his name. _

_Pulling Ennis down and leaning up some to meet his lips, Jack kissed him passionately and whispered, "welcome back, Babe… miss'd ya so much…"_

8


	18. Chapter 18

_**Chapter 18: A Return to Paradise…?**_

Ennis and Jack remained in Lighting Flat for another two weeks, until Sara was back on her feet, and the doctor had declared her, "Fit as a fiddle".

The day they left was sunny, and warm. Jack turned back and waved at the small group standing in the yard. The evening before, at dinner, Ennis had issued an invitation for Uncle Harold and Aunt Gretchen to come and visit. They had promised to do so soon, promising that Sara would come along with them whether John liked it or not.

John Twist had been strangely absent the last few days of their stay, only turning up at meal times, and stumbling in drunk as a loon each night after everyone else was asleep. Ennis hadn't missed the man's sour face and muttered insults, but he knew that despite everything, Sara was worried, and therefore he was glad to see him step up behind the others as they drove away. For once he appeared to be sober, although the look on his face would have wilted the hardiest of flowers. Glancing quickly at Jack, Ennis couldn't help but echo his thought of, _**Thank God Uncle Harold is there ta keep 'em in line!**_

The drive from Lightning Flat to Fort Collins took a little over seven and a half hours, with Ennis driving most of the way, and Jack either snoring peacefully with his head on Ennis' shoulder, or chattering away about the ranch and how good it was gonna be to be home.

When they pulled through the gate is was a little after three thirty in the afternoon, Pete and Gary were standing in the yard talking to Sandy.

When he recognized the truck Sandy waved, a big grin on his face.

Ennis parked the truck next to the barn and leaned back with a sigh. Looking over at Jack, he couldn't help but grin at him.

Jack grinned back, and then opened his truck door and jumped out into the yard.

Scamp and Scraps, the two Blue tick hounds that Jack had insisted they get several months earlier, claiming that they needed a pair of good watch dogs, came running across the yard, yipping and howling, their tails wagging a mile a minute.

"Heya, fellas!" Jack called, and crouched down to greet the dogs as they excitedly jumped and nuzzled their favorite playmate.

Ennis suppressed a grin as he watched Jack wrestle around on the ground with the dogs, and then headed across the yard to greet Sandy and the other men.

Ennis shook hands all around, and then stood chatting with Gary and Pete about the ranch. A few minutes later, Jack joined them. After another exchange of pleasantries, Sandy began to shift about and act restless. Sensing that he had something he wanted to talk to them about, Ennis suggested they go up to the house for a cold drink.

As they went, Ennis listened to Sandy and Jack chatting away, but he could hear Sandy's thoughts and though there was nothing specific, what he heard made him uneasy.

Once inside, the three men each grabbed a cold beer from the fridge, and settled in around the kitchen table.

"Ok, Sandy. What's botherin' ya?" Ennis asked, antsy and worried about Sandy's disquiet and obvious concern.

"Sure am glad yer back boys. There's been some talk stirrin' up 'bout ya having skipped town, what with Stubbs running his mouth 'bout the stuff his uncle told him." Seeing the look of anger and concern that crossed Ennis' face, Sandy hastened to add, "Course, most folks round here don't really care one way or the other. In fact, the majority of folks are down right disgusted with Stubbs and his filthy mouth." He smiled grimly, and Ennis heard, _**Too damn bad they can't all be that smart.**_

Sighing, Ennis glanced quickly at Jack and then turning to Sandy asked in a tense voice, "What else? Got a feelin' there's somethin' ya ain't sayin'."

Twisting his hat, Sandy looked down for a moment, and then looked at Ennis again, "It seems that Stubbs has himself a new friend. New fella in town. I ain' had the pleasure of meeting him yet, but from what I've heard tell, he's got a real grudge against the two of ya."

Sandy looked down again, and when he raised his eyes, Ennis could see real sympathy in them.

"I think ya may know the fella I'm talkin' bout, Ennis. Talk around town says his name is Ken… Ken Del Mar."

Ennis gasped, and felt the blood drain from his face. Behind him he heard Jack curse, and thump his fist down on the table.

_**Shit! Fuckin' bastard… just knew he weren' gonna let it go that easy! **_

"I take it ya know him." Sandy said, already knowing the answer, and feeling bad about having to confirm it.

"Yup…" Ennis said after a second, the shock and fear on his face quickly giving way to anger. "That would be my asshole brother."

Sandy simply nodded. "Well, at this point, all it is is a bunch of talk. Just figured ya oughta know what's in the wind so's you can keep yer eyes open fer trouble."

"Thanks, Sandy." Jack said, clapping him on the shoulder.

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Later that night, as they lay in bed listening to the horses wicker in the barn and the wind blowing across the field, Jack turned to Ennis, wrapping an arm around his waist and said, "Do ya think he'll cause trouble? I mean… he's yer brother… ya don' think he'll do anything really bad… do ya?"

Sighing, Ennis slid his hand up Jack's arm, and leaned forward to kiss the top of his head. "I don' know, Bud. K.E., he ain' a bit like me. He told me once… when I first came back home in '63, if he ever found out you and me was together again he'd kill us both."

"I know… ya told me all bout that after ya saw him in Riverton. But Ennis… ya don' think he'd really do it do ya?"

Ennis sighed again, and pulled Jack close, as though he wanted to fuse their bodies together. Shaking his head, he said in a low voice, "I don' know, Darlin', I just don't know."

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The next morning, Ennis and Jack saddled up their horses, and went for a ride around the fence line.

Fortunately, the drought appeared to have ended in their absence and the snakes had ceased their overly aggressive behavior. This being the case, the horses had resumed their usual lazy pasture time, and the men were able to concentrate their efforts on catching up with some of the repairs and maintenance that had been placed on hold while the extra field patrols had been required.

As they rode along, Ennis and Jack talked little. They had no need to. A look or a touch between them seemed to convey a shared pride and joy in what they had… what they had managed to accomplish between the two of them.

*As they crossed the dirt road that wound around the outside of the pasture fence, Jack turned and looked at Ennis. A ray of sunlight burst through the leaves on a large maple tree, and lit on Ennis astride his horse, making him seem to glow. Jack sucked in his breath, and thought wistfully, _**God, but he is beautiful!**_

At that moment, having heard Jack's thoughts, Ennis turned and looked at him, and the smile that lit up his face, seemed to make the sun's light dim in comparision. Jack smiled back, and felt a swell of love rush through him. _**Yup… so fuckin' beautiful!**_

When they reached the northern edge of the property, they turned and looked back over the distance. Taking in the full expanse of their property, the sprawling fields and buildings, and the magnificent horses, their coats gleaming when the sun hit them.

Without looking at him, Jack reached out a hand to Ennis, and smiled widely when he felt Ennis' hand meet his.

_**This… this is the sweet life I always dreamed of… and it's ours! Mine and Ennis'… ain' no way I'm gonna let anyone…'specially K.E. Del Mar take it away from us!**_

Ennis frowned at this, and was about to say something. Then he thought better of it, and decided it best to keep his mouth shut. Jack had every right to want to protect what they had, and talking weren't gonna solve nothing.

Looking back out over the fields, and then back at Jack, Ennis realized that the thoughts in his mind were just the same…. Ain' no way I'm gonna let anyone take it away from us.

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Later that evening, after a quick supper and another short ride around the pasture, Jack lit a fire in the fireplace, and they sat on the couch. Each had a cold beer. They sat in companionable silence for a while. Ennis leaning against the arm of the couch, and Jack reclined against his chest, the blanket from the chair tucked in tightly over the both of them.

When Ennis heard Jack's thoughts turning to the situation with K.E. and Stubbs, he decided to distract him, and began to slowly run his fingers through his hair, the way Jack liked. Jack's thoughts quickly switched gears, and before long they had moved from the couch to the rug in front of the fire.

What started out as gentle teasing and caressing quickly became hot and heavy, and soon Ennis found himself flat on his back, Jack sitting on him and riding him like a Brahma bull.

Ennis watched as the firelight played across Jack's skin, flickering and sending bolts of light and shadow darting across his face and torso with every movement.

Jack opened his eyes, and gazed down at him, the light sparkling through his black hair and lighting up his eyes so that they glowed, whispering, "Yer so beautiful, Ennis… love ya so much."

As the words coursed through his mind, Ennis thrust upward and came hard, Jack crying out his own release at Ennis' hard thrust. As he spilled himself inside Jack's body, one thought flitted quickly through his mind.

_No, Jack… yer wrong… when it comes ta beautiful… yer the winner, hands down!_

_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Ennis woke up to a loud pounding on the door, and voices yelling outside. He and Jack were both asleep on the living room floor. At some point, the fire must have gone out, and they were both huddled under the blanket, still naked.

Scrambling up, he shoved Jack who immediately rolled sideways, and hit the coffee table with a thud and a muttered, "What the hell, Ennis!"

"Quick, get dressed! Someone's poundin' on the door! I don' want ta let em in and have ya layin' nekkid on the livin' room floor! That'd be all we need right 'bout now!"

Cursing, Jack scrambled up and began yanking his pants on. Ennis finished buttoning his shirt, and glanced back as he headed to the door. Seeing that Jack was pulling his shirt on, and had already scooped up the blanket and tossed it back on the chair, he went to the door and pushed back the shade to see who was pounding in the middle of the damn night.

Standing on the doorstep looking dirty and scared half to death, was Pete. Ennis whipped open the door and growled, "This better be good, Pete! Ya got any idea what time it is….?" Suddenly he groud to a stop, and really looked at the man.

Pete's face and hands were covered with black smudges, and he was flushed and breathing heard.

"Shit! Pete… what's…"

Finally catching his breath enough to talk, Pete interrupted him and gasped, "The barn's on fire!"

"Fuck!" Jack yelled from behind him and followed Ennis as he lit out across the yard toward the barn. As he ran, he could see billows of smoke blocking out the stars, and an orange glow around through the side windows of the building.

Ennis and Jack raced across the lawn and stopped at the knot of men standing there.

"Jesus," Ennis said, and realizing that there was no way they could put this out on their own, turned to run back to the house racing to the phone and calling the fire Dept. and the sheriff's office. The dispatcher told Ennis that Sandy was not in, but said that she would call him on the radio and send him out to the ranch as quickly as he could get there.

Hanging up, Ennis quickly ran back out to the barn, grabbing his and Jack's work gloves off the bench by the door on his way out.

Halfway back to the barn, he saw Gary standing quite close to the doors yelling frantically and nearly in tears.

Racing up to him, Ennis gasped, "Gary… what… are you burnt…?"

Ennis glanced around the yard for Jack, and then turned back to Gary, a sinking feeling in his stomach.

"Gary, where's…?"

Gary cut him off with a half sob half shout and said frantically, "Ennis… Jack… he went inside! Salamar is still in there, and he went in to get her!"

"Oh God! No!" Ennis gasped, his face losing all color as he looked at the blazing barn, black smoke billowing out of the open hay loft. He started toward the barn and Gary grabbed his arm, holding him back.

"Ennis… ya can't go in there… you'll not make it out! I'm sorry… but… Jack… he's…"

"NO!" Ennis yelled, and wrenched his arm out of Gary's grip. Running across the yard, he darted into the barn yelling Jack's name.

7


	19. Chapter 19

_**Chapter 19: Inside the Inferno**_

"Jack!" Ennis yelled frantically, and raised his hand to shield his eyes from the bright light and blazing heat of the flames that licked their way up the bales of hay and bags of feed stacked in the rear of the barn. _Oh God, please let'em be alright…_ he thought, and coughed hard against the horrible burning he felt as his lungs protested to the smoke that forced its way in each time he opened his mouth.

"Jack…" he yelled again, falling into another coughing spasm. Remembering a trick his daddy used to use when they burned the hay fields in the spring, he pulled his bandanna out of his pocket, and held it over his nose and mouth to filter out the smoke before continuing on into the row of horse stalls.

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"Ow! Dammit, Salamar… watch it!" Jack cursed as the frightened horse once again pushed against him, knocking him sideways and stepping on his foot.

Coughing slightly, he pushed the horse away, and pulled his foot closer to his body, causing him to tumble sideways and bang his head against the tack room wall.

_Damn… its fucking hot in here! Ya really dun it this time Twist… got yerself stuck but good! Runnin' in after a damn horse of all stupid things!_

Jack once again mentally kicked himself for running in to the barn after the horse. He had known while he was doing it that it was a foolhardy thing to do, but his thoughts couldn't get away from how brokenhearted Ennis would be if his horse was to die in such a horrible way.

After letting Salamar out of her stall, he had started back toward the barn door, only to find that the frightened horse was refusing to move. By the time he had yanked and pulled and cursed at her enough to get her moving, their path to the door had been blocked by flames. Their only escape route gone, Jack had quickly ducked into the tack room at the back of the barn, pulling the balking horse in with him and slamming the door shut. Just seconds after, he had heard a cracking sound and something had hit the floor outside the tack room door. When he tried to open it, the door wouldn't budge. Something had fallen outside the door and was blocking it.

A wave of sorrow washed over him at the thought that he would never see Ennis again. For what seemed like hours he sat inside the little tack room, painfully aware of the increasing heat in the small room, and the smoke that was seeping its way through the sacks he had stuffed under the door to block it.

_**Suppose you think Ennis'll feel better now, huh? Now not only will his horse die this way, but it looks as though yer gonna be goin' 'long with her! God, Ennis… I'm so sorry ta leave ya like this… so damn sorry…**_

Suddenly, there was a loud crash outside the tack room door, and Jack heard a voice yelling and choking.

"Jack… is that you?"

"Ennis!" Jack yelled frantically and pounded on the door and praying he would be heard.

"Jack…! Thank god! Hold on, Darlin'… there's a rafter…" the voice choked off in another fit of hacking coughs before continuing in a hoarse croak, "there's a rafter blockin' the door."

"Ennis… get the fuck outta here!" Jack yelled, his anguish clear in his voice. "Ain't no way ya can move that yerself… please… go!"

Jack heard scuffling around outside the door and a great deal of cursing and shouting mixed in with increasing bouts of deep hacking coughs.

_**Damn you, Ennis Del Mar! Stubborn jackass… get outta here… please Ennis… can' bear the thought of ya gettin' hurt tryin' ta save me!**_

Suddenly Jack heard Salmar roar with fear and looked over to see that the rear wall of the tack room was becoming quickly engulfed with flames, the fire at last having burned through the stacks of hay piled on the other side.

"Ennis!" Jack yelled frantically as he pulled on the horse's lead, trying to edge her closer to him and away from the roaring heat of the fire.

Suddenly the door burst open, and Jack felt Ennis' arms wrapped tightly around him.

"Ennis… goddamn… didn' think I was gonna see ya again."

"I know, darlin' I know." Ennis said his emotions clear in his voice, "Com'on now… we gotta get outta here, that roof is gonna let go any minute!"

Reaching in behind Jack, Ennis grabbed Salamar's lead, and struggled and coaxed the frightened horse out of the tack room. Pulling back his arm, he slapped her hard on the hind quarters, and watched with fear and then relief as the horse bolted through the barn and then darted out through the doors to safety.

"Com'on, darlin' let's get outta here!" Ennis yelled, a big grin spreading across his face as he gave Jack a shove toward the door.

_**Ain't gotta tell me twice, Cowboy!**_

Jack returned the grin and started toward the door. When he reached the opening, he turned back just in time to see a large chunk of roof fall crashing to the floor. A board, flaming and black stuck out in front of the mass of falling wood, and Jack watched in horror as the board bounced off the top of Ennis' head before continuing down to the floor, closely followed by Ennis' crumpling body.

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When he woke, the room was dark and silent. He lifted his arm and searched his face, feeling only gauze and tape where his eyes should be. At first he panicked, but then he realized that he could still feel his eyes when he blinked, and that when he closed them the room seemed darker then when they were open.

Relieved, he listened carefully, tying to detect the slightest sound or thought. Hearing nothing, he relaxed a bit and reached his hand up to touch a painful throbbing spot on the top of his head. When his fingers made contact, he groaned at the bolt of pain that lanced through his already throbbing head, then jumped, startled, poking the spot again and eliciting an even louder groan, when a voice suddenly spoke next to his ear.

"'Bout time ya woke up!"

"Jack?" Ennis asked, his voice coming out in a hoarse croak.

"Who else… less ya got some other guy sneaking in here ta see ya! Course, handsome as ya are, can't says though I'd blame 'em" Jack replied, and Ennis couldn't help but grin, though the grin quickly turned to a grimace as another bolt of pain worked its way through his head.

"I thought I was alone ya dern fool." He managed through gritted teeth, and then coughed hard and rough, which caused the pain in his head to turn from a dull throb to a sharp ache.

"Now ya jus calm down and be quiet, Babe. The doc says ya shouldn't talk much fer a few days, give yer throat a chance ta heal from the smoke ya inhaled."

"Smoke?" Ennis muttered, trying to remember, then suddenly it all came rushing back. The barn in flames, struggling through to the tack room scared to death that he would be too late and Jack would be dead. Finding both he and Salamar alive. Moving the big rafter out of the way and getting Jack out. Then seeing Jack grinning in the doorway, his grin quickly turning into a horrified shout, and then nothing until he woke up just now.

"Jack, the fire! Are you all right, Darlin'? Ya ain't hurt are ya?" Ennis asked frantically, trying to push himself into a sitting position. His words were cut off by another bout of coughing, and he allowed Jack's hands to push him back against the pillow, bringing his hand back to his throbbing head.

"Whoa!" Jack said, trying to sooth Ennis and holding him against the pillow until he was sure he wasn't going to try to sit up again. "Take it easy there, cowboy! I jus got done tellin' ya that the doc wants ya ta take it easy. Don' go gettin' all riled, or he'll make me leave."

Seeing that Ennis was calming down again, Jack breathed a sigh of relief, and sat back down in the chair next to the bed that he had occupied since they had arrived the morning before. Reaching out and clasping Ennis' hand in his, he said, "Now, if ya can behave yerself and stay quiet, I'll tell ya all about what's been happening."

Ennis nodded, and grimaced again. Then settled back to listen, content for the moment to allow the sound of Jack's voice to convince him that Jack was alright.

"Ok then. First of all, let me tell ya that ya scared the shit outta me! I thought ya was dead when that big ole hunk'a wood fell on yer head. Course I guess I shoulda known that ya would be fine, considerin' how hard yer head is."

Ennis scowled, and opened his mouth to protest, only to find it quickly covered by Jack's hand.

"Uh, uh, uh!" Jack said, his voice gleeful and teasing. He chuckled heartily at Ennis growl of protest before he continued.

"Anyways, Gary and I hauled yer ass outta the barn and the ambulance brought ya here. The doc says ya got a mild concussion, the lining of your throat is seared from the smoke ya inhaled, and yer eyes are covered ta prevent further damage to em from the smoke. The doc says ya might not be able ta see when they first take the bandages off, but that should go away right quick."

"K.E," Ennis croaked, and coughed hoarsely, "Was Stubbs and K.E what started the fire… I know it."

"Hush now, Cowboy," Jack said, and rubbed Ennis' arm soothingly, "don'tcha worry none 'bout Stubbs or that asshole brother'a yers. Sandy found some tire tracks and matched em ta Stubb's truck. Track'd both he and yer brother down, and didn't bother to tell em that we was both still alive until after they went on along braggin' ta half the crowd down at Slider's bar 'bout the faggots they sent ta hell. Sandy says ta tell ya that we won' be needing ta worry bout neither of them or their friends no more. Attempted murder holds a pretty good sentence in this county, and they got enough witnesses ta send em all away fer a real long time!"

Ennis squeezed Jack's hand, relief washing through him and bringing tears to his eyes.

"Jack…" he croaked, and cleared his throat, "com'ere, darlin'" He felt the bed dip as Jack stood and leaned over him, and then he raised his arms and pulled Jack into a fierce hug. Pulling Jack's head toward his, he kissed him carefully on the lips and then whispered against his mouth, "Yer really ok, ain't ya… you ain't lyin' ta me?"

"No, bud… I ain't lyin'. I am well and fine, thanks ta ya. But if ya ever do a fool thing like that again… I'll kill ya maself!"

Ennis listened carefully, trying to pick up Jack's thoughts to determine that Jack was not keeping anything back from him. Suddenly he realized something that hadn't occurred to him before.

"Jack…" he asked, "when did ya come into the room… I didn't hear ya come in before ya spoke ta me."

Confused, Jack looked carefully at Ennis' face, but it was always so hard to tell what he was thinking when his eyes were hidden.

"Babe… I haven' left this room since they brought ya in. Been sitting in this chair the whole time."

"But… if ya was there… how come I didn' hear what ya…" Suddenly Ennis' voice trailed off as realization finally sunk in. The gift, the curse, whatever it was that had given him the ability to hear others thoughts… it was gone, just as quickly as it came.

"Ennis," Jack asked, concern in his voice, "are ya ok, bud… ya need me ta call a nurse?"

"No," Ennis replied, a big grin spreading across his face, "don' need noone but you, darlin'"

Jack shook his head, and said, "I swear, Ennis… sometimes I wish I knew what goes on in that head'a yers!"

Ennis merely snorted and replied, "Trust me… ya don'!"

6


	20. Epilogue

**Epilogue: What the Future May Bring**

_November 15, 2003_

I was there on a camping trip the day I met them. My boyfriend, Ben, and I had done nothing but fight and ignore each other for months, and I had thought that being together in nature with nothing to distract us would help us become closer to each other again. I was beginning to think that I was wrong.

I sat by our fire, looking into the flames, trying to think what I could do the make Ben see that he loved me and that we belonged together. Our relationship had never been an easy one, and there were times when I wondered if he was even aware that I was in the room.

While I was sitting there, I heard an engine approaching, and turned to watch as a black pickup truck pulled in and parked next to my Chevy Tahoe. Standing, I watched as the doors opened, and two men emerged.

Tall, slim, and somewhat weathered looking, I immediately noticed that they were both strikingly handsome, in that way that men have of becoming remaining handsome even when approaching their 60's. Both were dressed in blue jeans, long sleeved button down shirts, cowboy boots, and hats. The one on the left, was wearing a tan hat, and appeared to have blonde hair generously streaked with gray. The one on the right, was wearing a black hat, and had salt and pepper hair, though more pepper then salt. Both men reached into the truck, pulling out jackets and putting them on.

They glanced at each other briefly, looked around sizing up my camp, and myself and then began walking down toward me. As they approached I noticed that both men had intense eyes that, though very different… one set being brown as chocolate and the other as blue as the winter sky… both held the same expression. A look of happiness and fulfilled life that I had begun to believe I would never enjoy.

"Evenin' lil' lady," Black Hat said, and tipped his hat to me.

Tan Hat stood next to him and simply said, "Evenin'." he tipped his hat as well, than stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jacket.

"Good evening," I replied, still surprised by their arrival, but happy for a bit of company. Ben had driven away in a rage almost 4 hours ago, and I wasn't sure he was even coming back.

"Mind if we cut through yer camp site, ma'am?" Black Hat asked, "We was plannin' on a takin' a walk along the creek there… not usually anyone here." He grinned, reassuring me that he held no grudge for my being there, but was simply stating a fact. His blue eyes twinkled with that smile, and I suddenly felt like I had been graced with a gift.

"Beautiful here ain't it?" He continued looking across the water at the snow covered peaks in the distance.

"Oh, yes… not sure what the name of that mountain is, but it is very beautiful."

Suddenly, Tan Hat spoke up, his voice slightly gruff though friendly enough, "That there is Brokeback Mountain, lil' miss".

The statement itself was simple enough, but something about the man's voice when he said 'Brokeback Mountain'… a certain reverence perhaps, as though he were speaking of a beloved and cherished memory… led me to think that for some reason that mountain was special to him.

The men shared a look and a smile, eyes flashing, some unspoken message passing between them, before they turned back to me.

"Well," I said, feeling suddenly as though it was me that had come upon them, rather then the other way around, "I won't keep you from your walk."

"Pleasure to meet ya, ma'am," Black Hat said, tipping his hat again. Tan Hat nodded, and they walked down to the creek bank.

I stood for several minutes watching them as they stood on the bank a moment, talking in low voices.

My eyes suddenly opened just a bit wider, and I blinked, not sure if I had seen correctly… yes… I had. Tan Hat was reaching out, and taking Black Hat's hand, fingers interlacing, thumbs rubbing gently over each other. Turning they began walking along the stream, their hands linked between them as causal and natural as anything I had ever seen.

Something about the two of them fascinated me, and without thinking about what I was doing, I slowly began to follow them as they walked along the bank, hanging back so they would not know I was there.

They walked at a slow but steady pace, close together, their hands parting occasionally to pick up a rock or some other thing of interest, but each time the hands came back together smoothly and effortlessly, no hesitation, as though two halves of a whole, drawn together like magnet to metal.

As they walked, they talked. At first this surprised me. Because of Tan Hat's reticence at the camp, I had gotten the impression that he rarely spoke. However, talk between them flowed easily, both adding and taking as much from the conversation as the other.

At one point, Black Hat made a remark and bumped Tan Hat with his hip, causing Tan Hat to throw his head back and laugh long and loud. Something about that laugh, the pure joy in it, gave me goose bumps.

Finally, after walking for nearly half an hour, they came to an area that was thick with boulders and larger rocks. Both men ducked between two large boulders. Thinking that they were cutting through to the other side rather then get their boots wet going around, I waited a minute or two. When I was sure that they must have come out on the other side, I crept up to the boulder and started to slip through myself. What I saw when I peeked my head around the rock brought me up short and took my breath away.

Standing in the center of an enclosure formed by several of the boulders, the two men were entwined in each other's arms, lips molded together in a passionate kiss. As I watched, their lips parted, and Tan Hat brought his hand up to gently stroke the other man's face and an obvious shiver ran thorough Black Hat's body at the touch. Leaning forward slightly he brought their foreheads together, and they stood for several moments, looking into each other's eyes. Even from my poor vantage point, I could see the energy, desire and love that radiated from the eyes of both men.

Even though I was afraid of being seen, I was drawn forward. I stepped a bit closer, and ducked behind another boulder. Though they spoke in hushed tones, from where I was, I could make out their words.

"Twenty years… damn!" Black Had said, and chuckled.

"Yup," Tan Hat replied, "Twenty years. Don't seem possible does it?"

"Went by so damn fast… too fast!"

"Wouldn'ta wanted em any other way though." Tan Hat said affection plain in his voice.

"You mean that? No regrets?" Black Hat asked, his eyes lowered and his voice deep and shaking a little.

Tan Hat placed his finger under his chin and raised his face so they were eye to eye again, "Not a one…can't think of any oth'r person in this world that coulda help'd me live the best damn 20 years a man ever had!"

"I'm glad you said that." Black hat said, his eyes shining and a smile playing across his lips.

"Why's that?" Tan Hat whispered, his voice taking on a husky tone.

"Cause I love you… that a good 'nough reason?" Black Hat asked amusement clear in his voice.

"Damn well better!" Tan Hat growled, and tightened his arms a bit.

"Oh yeah… Ennis Del Mar," Black Hat said, "and that's because…"

"Cause I can't have the man I love not loving me back!" Tan Hat replied, his eyes flashing.

"Hmm… guess its damn good thing I do then, huh?" Black Hat said, a change coming over his face, his eyes darkening and responding to the look in the other man's eyes.

"I love you… Jack Fuckin' Twist!" Tan Hat replied, his voice full of affection and taking on a pleading quality, laced with longing and desire when he spoke the name.

Pulling each other close, they brought their lips together in another passionate kiss, bodies pressed fully together. Soon the kiss became more intense, hands drifting to undo buttons and caress exposed skin... lips parting to whisper loving words… then rejoining.

For several moments, I stood in the silence, watching them, before I realized I was crying. Tears streamed down my face, and blurred my vision. I wiped my eyes on my sleeve, and suddenly I felt like a horrible person. This scene that I was witnessing… this intimate, souls bared, hearts revealed scene before me was not meant for anyone's eyes other then these two men who had begun gently and lovingly undressing each other.

Spinning around, I squeezed back out of the rock circle, and fled back to camp. I ran the entire way, a stitch in my side, my tears running freely, great sobs wrenching from my body.

By the time they returned nearly two hours later, I had washed my face, composed myself, and come to a few decisions. I watched as they approached my seat by the fire. They were once again holding hands, and walking so close together that at times their legs and hips brushed against each other. They seemed to have eyes for only each other, and for a moment, it was hard to remember that they were middle-aged men and not starry-eyed teenagers.

When they approached the fire, they suddenly seemed to remember I was there, and with pained looks on their faces they stepped apart and dropped their hands.

"Ma'am," Jack Twist said, and touched his hat.

I found that my throat was dry as I spoke, "Have a nice walk?"

"Yes, ma'am," Ennis Del Mar pitched in, "me an' Jack here been coming to this spot on this day eve'y year for the last 20 years." Jack smiled at this statement and lowered his head a bit, gazing at Ennis from under his hat brim.

"Really, you've known each other that long?" I said, wincing at the forced surprise in my voice.

"No, Ma'am," Jack replied, a smile playing across his face at my surprised expression and the slightly shamed expression on Ennis'.

"Me and Ennis've know'd each other for 40 years. Met in the summer of '63, herding sheep up there on Brokeback Mountain."

Suddenly it was all clear to me… the reverent, loving tone in Ennis' voice when he spoke the mountain's name… they came back here every year because this was where they fell in love.

"40 years," I whispered, awed by the fire and passion that still flowed between them after all that time. That they loved each other deeply was obvious to anyone who watched them together. The looks that passed between them, the soft little touches, the tones, and nuances' of their voices that spoke volumes beyond what their words said.

At that moment, as though to emphasize my last thoughts, Jack looked at Ennis, a message passing between them. Ennis nodded and lowered his head.

When Jack spoke next, his voice held a bit of regret, "Well, Ma'am, we best be headin' out, got us a long drive ahead of us 'fore we get home."

"Home?" I asked, and chided myself for prying.

"Yes ma'am," Jack replied his voice now full of pride, "Ennis and me are the sole proprietors of the 'J & E Ranch' in Fort Collins, Colorado."

Ennis smiled at the pride in Jack's voice, and reached out to squeeze his arm. Their eyes met again, and I couldn't help but gasp at the look that passed between them.

When Ennis spoke again, his voice was full of pride too…not just pride of his ranch but also pride that this man standing there with him was his. Without taking his eyes from Jack's, he said, "Nice lil' place really… was Jack's dream for long as I've know'd him."

Jack said nothing… he only smiled.

"Ready to go home, Darlin'", Ennis said softly.

"You bet, Cowboy…" Jack replied.

The men turned to me and said their good-byes and then walked hand in hand to their truck, turned back to gaze at the mountain for a moment, turned to each other and kissed very briefly, their lips barely touching, then got into their truck and drove away.

20 minutes later, I was behind the wheel of my Tahoe, leaving behind me a piece of paper pinned to the tent that read,

_Dear Ben, _

_Take care of yourself. Hope you have a wonderful life. _

_Love, _

_Krista _

As I drove away I looked back at Brokeback Mountain, and took with me its message…its gift. I didn't know what I was driving toward, but thanks to Brokeback Mountain and two amazing people, I knew what I wanted…

I wanted what those two men, Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist had… I wanted someone to look at me the way they looked at each other, as though I was the most precious of gems… I wanted someone whose eyes lit up when they saw me, the way their eyes lit up each time they looked at each other… I wanted someone whose touch, gentle and loving made me shiver with desire… and most of all I wanted a love that would last forever… like theirs!

_**The End  
**_

_**A Force of Nature **_

Sometimes, by chance or coincidence,

two souls meet and will never again be the same.

From the first moment that eyes meet eyes,

they are irreversibly connected.

No amount of time nor distance can break the connection,

though fade it might, it ever after remains.

When present, every touch, every look, every caress,

though try to fight it you may, brings delight.

It is not something that you can plan,

conspire for nor contrive,

it is not something that you can seek out,

nor will you be able to detect it before it happens.

You cannot choose with whom it occurs,

nor can it be forced upon one of your choosing.

You cannot choose not to feel it when it occurs,

though you may strive to block it from your mind.

Against this, gender has no meaning,

nor does age, nor appearance.

It can bring great joy as well as tremendous sorrow,

at times it can bring both at once.

Some people are never fortunate enough to experience it,

while others, not recognizing what it is,

foolishly push it away,

ever after mourning for its loss.

What is this force that brings such turmoil, grief, joy and delight?

I tell you,

that force is love,

true, pure, undying, love.

When born without guile or deception,

love truly is a force of nature,

and as such cannot be contained nor controlled.

That love is nothing more nor less then…

A Chance Occurrence In An Otherwise Normal Life.

_**Angi Tamburo – October 1, 2007**_


End file.
